Note: This article is taken from the blog "Shelley Drymon", in which she talks about ways to understand the true self.
I spent many years without a clear vision and path for my life. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally broken. I did not know that I did not have a clear vision for my life until recently.
I had spent my life living how I was told to live by family, friends, and society, yet there was always a part of me that didn't feel good about the path I had taken. I never felt like I was in the right place. I couldn't figure out exactly why. I was deeply embedded in my righteous thinking until I realised something was wrong with me.
When we tell ourselves lies and act as though we are living this life that is not truly ours, what happens to us? We'll be really miserable. Because we fall short of the expectations placed on us by others, we will constantly feel as though something is wrong with us.
Then comes the day when we discover that our lack of honesty with ourselves causes our unhappiness and self-destructive behaviour.
How can you understand your true self?
Beginning to develop your own sense of where you want your life to go is difficult. In this article, I will present four ways to help you understand your true self, which in turn will help you create your life on your own terms:
1. Finding awareness
Some things I've discovered about myself make perfect sense in retrospect. Here are some of them: I'm an introvert, I do my best work before noon, I get cranky if my routine changes, and I don't like to exercise or eat breakfast in the morning.
What happens when an introvert starts working without knowing anything about their work? They might appear arrogant. My coworkers previously described me as arrogant.
What happened when, despite being informed that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, I suffered for years without eating it? I didn't feel hungry in the morning, so I was worried about my health. After all, I'm not a nutrition expert.
What happens when I'm on vacation, and by the end of the second week, I feel tired and want to go home? I might sound ungrateful and a bit weird. Aren't we supposed to enjoy every minute of our vacation?
Finding awareness is the key to understanding what will work for you and what won't.
2. Creating vision
I've told countless people through coaching and training that if you don't have a clear vision of where you want to go, you won't be on the right track. Creating a clear vision of where you want to be requires awareness of your strengths and values.
3. Setting goals
People are preoccupied with goals. There are different ways to set goals. How you approach your goals depends on your unique vision. For example, if you want to run 5 kilometres but are lazy, you will not go a long distance the first time. You should start with small goals. For example, start by running a short distance and then increase the distance gradually.
Other goals, such as financial goals for retirement or starting a business, require timelines and concrete, actionable steps.
4. Taking action
This is the hardest step. When we find awareness, create a vision and set goals, we decide to make a change. Every change you make causes discomfort for the people in your life because it bothers them. They expect a certain behaviour from you. Your behaviour is an indication of how they behave and what to expect.
Your partner might fear that you will leave them. Your change might upset friends. You might begin to see family members and friends trying to sabotage your program, either secretly or openly.
To succeed, you must understand how your family and friends feel about your new path and know the right ways to gently but firmly reduce their fears. You must know that not everyone will go on this journey with you. Eventually, you are the one who decides what to do with your life.
In Conclusion
Discovering your true self is the most important skill you can possess. When you know who you are, you will know what to do instead of waiting for what others tell you. You will allow yourself to overcome a lot of frustration caused by allocating time to the wrong things, which in turn will help you create the life you want.
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