Time Management and Positive Thinking

It is thinking beneficially with oneself. Viera Beaver defines it as “The exploitation of the theses of the subconscious mind in a positive way,” and according to Stephen Covey, it is “To think in a way that is profitable for you and others.” Studies have proven that a person talks to themselves daily more than 5,000 words, more than 80% of them are negative words that contain pessimism, hesitation, anxiety, and fear; therefore, they have a negative impact on the investment of our time.

The more positive our thinking is, the more effective our investment of time will be on us and others, just because:

• We always keep our positive side.
• We help others stay in a positive state that makes it easier for us and them to find solutions faster.
• We get more objective and insightful results (due to positive thinking);therefore, have a positive effect on time.
• Using positive thinking reduces our negative thinking, which wastes a lot of time and affects our lives negatively.

First: The Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

Stephen Covey says in his book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" that (Thinking of a win-win strategy) is not a technique; it’s a total philosophy of human interaction. In fact, it is one of six paradigms of interaction. The alternative paradigms are

1. Win/Lose.
2. Lose/Win.
3. Lose/Lose.
4. Win.
5. Win/Win.
6. No Deal.

1. Win/Lose:

This approach means “If I win, you lose.” Or as some leaders describe it “I get my way; you don’t get yours.” Win/Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way. Most people have been deeply scripted in the Win/Lose mentality since birth. The first and most important of the powerful forces at work is the family. When one child is compared with another, that indicates that people are into Win/Lose thinking.

And what happens to a young man’s mind and heart who is highly vulnerable, highly dependent upon the support and emotional affirmation of the parents, in the face of conditional love? The child is molded, shaped, and programmed in the Win/Lose mentality.

“If I’m better than my brother, my parents will love me more.”

“My parents don’t love me as much as they love my sister. I must not be as valuable.”

"Goods sold are non-refundable and non-exchangeable."

The academic world reinforces Win/Lose scripting. The “normal distribution curve” basically says that you got an “A” because someone else got a “C.”

Another powerful programming agent is athletics, particularly for young men in their high school or college years. They often develop the basic paradigm that life is a big game, a zero-sum game where some win and some lose. “Winning” is “beating” in the athletic arena.

Certainly, there is a place for Win/Lose thinking in truly competitive and low-trust situations, but most of life is not a competition. We don’t have to live each day competing with our spouse. “Who’s winning in your marriage?” is a ridiculous question. If both people aren’t winning, both are losing.

Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent, reality. Most results you want depend on cooperation between you and others, and the Win/Lose mentality is dysfunctional to that cooperation.

2. Win/Lose:

Some people are programmed the other way—Lose/Win.

“I lose, you win.”

“I’m a loser. I’ve always been a loser.”

“I’m a peacemaker. I’ll do anything to keep the peace.”

Lose/Win is worse than Win/Lose because it has no standards—no demands, no expectations, and no vision. People who think Lose/Win are usually quick to please or appease. They seek strength from popularity or acceptance. They have little courage to express their feelings and convictions and are easily intimidated by the ego strength of others.

In negotiation, Lose/Win is seen as capitulation—giving in or giving up. In leadership style, it’s permissiveness or indulgence. Lose/Win means being a nice guy, even if “nice guys finish last.” Win/Lose people love Lose/Win people because they can feed on them. They love their weaknesses—they take advantage of them. Such weaknesses complement their strengths.

3. Lose/Lose (Harm to all):

When two Win/Lose people get together—that is, when two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact—the result will be Lose/Lose. Both will lose. Both will become vindictive and want to “get back” or “get even,” blind to the fact that murder is a suicide, and that revenge is a two-edged sword. 

I know of a partnership in which the partner was directed by the judge to sell the assets and turn over half the proceeds to the partner's accounts. In compliance, he sold the company's cars that were worth over $200,000 for $200 and gave $100 to the partner. When his partner protested, the court clerk checked on the situation and discovered that he was proceeding in the same manner systematically through all of the company's assets. Lose/Lose is also the philosophy of the highly dependent person without inner direction who is miserable and thinks everyone else should be, too. “If nobody ever wins, perhaps being a loser isn’t so bad.”

4. Win:

Another common alternative is simply to think about winning. People with the Win mentality don’t necessarily want someone else to lose. That’s irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want. When there is no sense of contest or competition, Win is probably the most common approach in everyday negotiation. A person with the Win mentality thinks in terms of securing their own ends—and leaving it to others to secure theirs.

5. Win/Win:

Win/Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying. With a Win/Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan. Win/Win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena.

Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose, but that kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It’s based on power and position rather than on principle. Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody and that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others. Win/Win is a belief in the third alternative. It’s not your way or my way, but it’s a better way, a higher way.

6. Win/Win or No Deal:

Here it is necessary to add another option (and the most important), which is: Win/Win or No Deal since it is possible for me and others to benefit in several cases where there is harm to society, such as:

• A wholesaler agrees with a retailer to supply the first quantity of goods to the retailer in a way that achieves profitability for both parties, meaning that it is a benefit for both parties, but the goods themselves may be not good or out of date or something similar, and in some way, this will harm the buyers.
• Or that a drug supplier agrees with someone to supply them with drugs to be traded in their country in a way that secures a benefit for both parties, but this will harm society.
• A couple plans to spend a two-week vacation at a summer residence in a way that will benefit both spouses, but this may harm the children if they are not taken into account.

There are many examples where it is possible to have the option of Win/Win, but in a way that may harm society, and from here, it was necessary to choose “Win/Win or No Deal” (or at least that there should be no harm to society).

No Deal means that if we can’t find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to disagree agreeably. When you have No Deal as an option in your mind, you feel liberated because you don’t have to manipulate people to push your agenda or to drive for what you want. You can be open. You can try to understand the deeper issues underlying the positions.

With No Deal as an option, you can honestly say, “I only want to go for Win/Win. I want to win, and I want you to win. I wouldn’t want to get my way and have you not feel good about it because downstream it would eventually surface and create a withdrawal. On the other hand, I don’t think you would feel good if you got your way and I gave in. So, let’s work for a Win/Win. Let’s hammer it out. And if we can’t find it, then let’s agree that we won’t make a deal at all. It would be better not to deal than to live with a decision that wasn’t right for us both." Anyway, maybe another time we might be able to get together after we learn the paradigm of Win/Win or No Deal.

Of course, there are some relationships where No Deal is not viable. I wouldn’t abandon my child or my spouse and go for No Deal (it would be better, if necessary, to go for compromise—a small form of Win/Win). But in many cases, it is possible to go into negotiation with a complete Win/Win or No Deal attitude. And the freedom in that attitude is incredible.

Which option is best?

The best choice depends on reality. The challenge is to read that reality accurately and not to translate Win/Lose or another scripting into every situation. Most situations, in fact, are part of an interdependent reality, and then Win/Win is the only viable alternative of the six. The best option should be “a benefit for me, a benefit for others, a benefit for society in an ethical manner, or No Deal.”

Second: Dealing with problems positively

When a problem occurs, the following question must be asked: Do you want to analyze the past and investigate the causes? Or do you want to focus on the future and look for solutions?

Do you want to spend time analyzing the problem, or spend time solving the problem? I know someone who whenever encounters a problem, they usually ask themselves: Thank God, what are the things that if I do now, the problem will not reappear in the future? Focusing on the future is a good thing.

How wonderful it is for a person to be always ready to admit their mistakes. Otherwise, they will have to spend a long time in justification and discussion and sometimes in arguing. It is better and more time-efficient to admit their mistakes and shortcomings, and who among us is perfect, and who among us is without mistakes? It is unnatural for a person not to make mistakes, it’s okay to make a mistake, simply admit to your mistake. Do not waste your time on justifications. Like that student who "came to his father with a record of his school grades with an "F" on it. When his father asked him, "How did you fail?" He replied: "I did not fail, but the teacher failed me."

Creatively speaking, when we encounter a problem, we must think in a new way. For example, when we consider starting a project that requires a large amount of money, we find that most of us say, “I wish.. I wish (this would not lead to solutions…), As for the solution, simply start thinking in a completely different way, create solutions, and ask how we can find a solution.

Believe me when you ask questions, you will most likely get the answers. The alternative to having a positive spirit is having a negative spirit, boredom, complaining, grumbling, and this negative spirit will waste a lot of time in vain.

A young man was studying with his sheikh, and one day this young man and his family fell into financial hardship, so he told his sheikh that he would have to stop his education and travel to seek livelihood, so his sheikh bid farewell to him, and after he started his journey. On his way, he saw a weak bird that was crippled on the ground, unable to fly, so he grieved for it and said to himself, “Who will feed it?” Who will take care of him? And while he was wondering, another bird landed near the crippled bird and fed it! Then the young man said: God, if this crippled bird can find someone to feed it? How did I stop my learning, and went out to seek livelihood? Then he returned to his city on the second day and went to his sheikh to continue his studies. When the sheikh saw him, he asked him what happened to him, so he told him what happened, so his sheikh asked him: How, my son, did you accept to be a crippled bird and not think of being a sound bird?

Many people think negatively, and this can lead them to:

• Having a negative feeling.
• Being helpless in the face of problems.
• Blaming others.
• Losing many opportunities in life.

While positive thinking can lead you to:

• Decide how you want to feel.
• To have many choices.
• Take responsibility.
• To follow the direction you really want.

Positive thinking is guided by two basic principles:

1. If anything is possible for anyone in the world, it is possible for me.
2. There is no such thing as failure, but there are experiences and results.

If we agree that there is a tremendous power within our minds and that there is a need for us to use the healthiest methods, especially our positive interaction with others, then what are these healthiest methods? And how can we access them? Or rather, what are the basics of positive thinking?