Even while I was expanding my website a few months ago, I didn't have any mentors, and I was glad my friends were indifferent to my goals instead of outright objecting to them. I love my parents, but I didn’t get any support from them to start this website, become vegan, or write a book or any of my personal experiences. I don’t think either of them have seen this site.
Two years ago, before I created this website, when I started working on major goals, my close friends weren’t supportive of me either. I was happy to receive the indifference instead of the sarcastic and discouraging remarks.
In those times when I didn’t have faith in the outside world, I learned to develop my confidence. When you lack external emotional support, it becomes easier to see it as just a way people usually use to avoid making their own decisions.
Confidence is more important than external opinions:
You must be able to solve your problems and make decisions in the absence of outside opinion. Confidence is the ability to carefully review a problem, come to an informed decision, and then stick to it even when others consider it a wrong decision. If you need permission from your parents, family, or friends to make a decision about your life, you’re no longer in control of your life and decisions.
This does not mean that you need to be conceited, and never doubt yourself. I doubt my decisions every day, and in half of my accomplishments, I was terrified before moving forward towards them. What confidence means is that you don’t outsource your decisions, and you can ignore opinions from ignorant people.
Personal experience is more important than the opinion of others:
I don’t remember getting a single positive comment when I decided to switch to a vegan diet. My parents were worried about the lack of protein, my sister resented this decision, I didn’t know any other vegans, and the opinions around me were definitely not positive.
But I needed to ignore those opinions, I did my research on the health benefits of a plant-based diet from several books and on hundreds of different online sources based on scientific research, and on top of that, I prepared a notebook to take notes on my personal experience with a plant-based diet, and I noticed many positive changes. It turned out to me that the experience and clear facts are more important than the opinions of others.
When faced with difficult decisions, don’t support your thinking with outsourcing from people who haven’t done the research. Instead, study the problem yourself and make a decision, and when that decision conflicts with the opinions of the masses, trust yourself first.
Should you care what other people think?
Does this mean you shouldn't care what other people think? I don't think you can be indifferent to the thoughts of others unless you are apathetic or disturbed, then compliments will always taste better than criticism, and support will make you feel better than contempt. You just have to be able to look your critic in the eye, and tell them that you value their opinion, but you are sure they are wrong.
Success promotes positive support, not otherwise:
At the beginning of this article, I painted a rather dark picture in terms of the external emotional support I get, and the truth is that the situation has contradicted itself. I now have dozens of people with whom I communicate closely, who give me positive support for my goals and ambitions, which is by no means comprehensive, but I get more positive feedback than negative.
My positive to negative feedback ratio on this site is 100 to 1. I can say that it is definitely a good idea to read emails from people who tell me how I have contributed to improving their lives.
This support came after success, not before it. Before you achieve something successful, you will have a million critics to bring you down. Hating something and then supporting it gives us a greater sense of security, and criticism is often just another form of weakness. Once you prove yourself, support is no longer needed, and compliments are much easier to get than criticism.
Realize that emotional support is an investment. Nobody wants to support someone because they would seem stupid if there supported person was wrong. Once you prove yourself, more people will be willing to invest in your support in the future because respect is earned, so don’t let a lack of investment stop you from living your life.
In conclusion:
I’d like to leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson who made the idea more eloquent than I ever could:
“When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.”
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