Nothing is more frustrating than a healthy and wealthy person who has everything they want in this world, yet they are unhappy and unproductive for a long while. There is no excuse for that, yet my husband Mark and I see this phenomenon unfolding every day by people who choose to be stuck in misery and refuse to admit it.
This mentality often results from a very unbalanced life, a life with too many expectations and not enough discipline and appreciation. When you don’t have enough discipline to achieve new things, and you have little appreciation for what you have, you will never know the true joy of advancing in life because nothing will ever change, and even when something does, it won't feel good enough.
So, how do you find balance in life after everything has gone out of control?
Mark and I have had the privilege of training hundreds of people from all walks of life, from different socioeconomic groups, from dozens of countries around the world, including some very powerful and successful businesswomen and businessmen. The happiest and most successful people typically adhere to five core principles that determine both the effectiveness of their daily decisions, as well as the quality of their lives.
Today I have turned these five basic principles into five difficult questions. They are difficult because they are not easy to answer. If you avoid these questions and make ill-considered decisions, you have a good chance of ending up like most people who tend to be physically unfit, mentally exhausted, and regretful in their personal and professional lives. However, if you ask yourself these questions over and over again, and make your daily decisions with scrutiny, you can literally save yourself from a life full of unnecessary pain and frustration.
These five questions are:
1. Do you focus on what is really important?
At every moment, millions of little things compete for your attention, and all these things fall into two categories: the important and the insignificant. People do not get more done by blindly working more hours on whatever pops up, but they do more when they follow precise plans that measure and track priorities and milestones.
If you want to be more successful and less stressed, you have to work in a more efficient way, and ask yourself first: “Do I need to do this in the first place?”
Just being able to do something good does not make it the right thing to do. I think this is one of the most common problems that time management tips fall into. Productivity educators often focus on how to do things quickly. However, the vast majority of things that people do quickly shouldn’t be done in the first place.
2. Do you focus more on problems or on solutions?
Your energy is directed at what you focus on, so what area of your life do you tend to focus on: what you have, or what you lack?
You must be thinking about both sides of this equation, but if you check your usual thoughts, what do you tend to spend more time thinking about? The positives, or the negatives?
You must realize that you have much to be grateful for, instead of focusing on what you do not have and envying those who are better than you. Developing the habit of appreciating what you have can provide you with a new level of emotional health and strength, but the real question is: Do you take the time to feel deep gratitude in your mind, body, heart, and soul? This is where you get the energy needed to take positive action.
Therefore, do not let negativity and tragedies overcome you. Your brain broadcasts ideas and directions into your life, and you can choose the ideas you want. Happy and successful people understand this and cancel out the negativity to make room for the positivity. Be wise enough to follow in their footsteps, stay away from the nonsense around you, and focus on the positive; thus, soon it will be hard for you to see negatives.
There are many things that you cannot control. However, if you focus on what you cannot control, you will do nothing but put more pressure on yourself. Remember that you can influence most aspects of your life, but you cannot completely control them. Once you have fully accepted and approved this line of thinking, ask yourself another important question.
3. How do you view your challenges?
Even when we are positive, we all face challenges. However, how you feel about your life has nothing to do with the events taking place in it, or with what happened to you or did not happen. Your view of these things controls the quality of your life, yet most of the time you may be unaware of the influence of your subconscious mind in determining the meaning of life events, so ask yourself:
- When something happens that disrupts your life, such as an illness, injury, job loss, etc., do you tend to think that this is the end, or the beginning?
- If someone confronts you, are they insulting you, training you, or trying to take care of you?
- Does a big problem mean that God is punishing you? Or is it possible that this problem is not really a problem at all, but rather an opportunity?
When something negative happens, look at the event as an opportunity to learn something you didn’t know. Don’t wish it hadn’t happened. Don’t try to step back. Take the lessons learned, and move on.
You have to tell yourself, “It’s okay, I’m fine.” Know that it is better to push new boundaries and suffer the consequences of lessons learned from time to time than to just stare at those boundaries for the rest of your life and always wonder.
In addition, Bear in mind that the past, even when turbulent, holds a priceless value to your present. It provides a solid foundation for everything you do now. Learn from it, and from the mistakes and successes, and then let it go.
It may seem difficult, but it depends on your focus. The past is just previous training, and it doesn’t define who you are in the moment. Think about what went wrong and how it will help you make things right.
When we change our focus, there is no limit to what life can become. Changing focus, and changing our outlook on our lives can change the biochemistry of our bodies, and the course of our lives literally in a matter of minutes. Take control of your life, and always remember that meaning equals passion, and passion equals strength, so choose wisely. Find positive meaning in every event, and you will always get the best results. This leads directly to the next question.
4. What will you do next to make progress?
Everyone talks about making progress, but successful people do it quietly.
It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in quantum physics, as you can’t change anything or make any kind of progress in the real world without actually taking any action. There is a big difference between knowing how to do something, and actually doing it. Intelligence and knowledge have no value without action.
Successful people know that a good plan implemented today is better than a perfect plan that may be implemented one day. They do not wait for the right time, the right day, or the right circumstances because they know that these excuses are based on fear, nothing more. They take action immediately, because real progress happens this way.
5. What reminders do you need to see to stay motivated?
You may want to lose weight, but when you are tired, it is easy to justify that you will start exercising and eating healthy tomorrow. You may want to build a profitable company, but when you are busy with daily problems, it is easy to do only what is familiar rather than what is required for growth. You want to strengthen your relationships with your close clients, but when you’re busy, it’s easy to justify that you need to study that client proposal instead.
Few good things come easily. When things get tough, we often choose the easy way, even though the easy way takes us down the wrong path.
To solve this problem, most of the happiest and most successful people we know keep tangible reminders that make them resist their whims. A friend of ours who has paid off nearly $100,000 in debt in the past five years keeps a copy of his credit card balance on his computer screen. It is a constant reminder of the debts he wants to pay off.
Another friend kept a picture of her when she was overweight on her fridge to remind herself of the consequences of going back to her old habits. Also, another friend used to fill his desk with family photos because he liked looking at them, and because when work got really hard, they reminded him of the people he worked for.
Think about the moments when you are most likely to succumb to impulses that take you away from your ultimate goals, then use these reminders to remind you not to be off track.
In conclusion:
Now that you are aware of the power of these five questions and the decisions that come with them, start looking for role models; That is, those who have achieved what you want to achieve in life. When we see someone that we want to learn from, and we have a perfectly clear idea of what we want to achieve for ourselves, this brings a huge amount of motivation. Humans are social beings, and when we decide to join an elite circle, that really pushes us to reach our potential. They did it, and we can do it too.
It may sound very easy, but when you take the time to ask yourself the right questions, and focus on the lives of the people who have achieved what you want to achieve, you will gradually pave the way for the positive changes you want in life.
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