All this is under the pretext that "the child is still young, and that the mother cannot force them from the beginning, and that she does not prefer to raise her child based on cruelty." Until she became the one who wakes them up before school, arranges their bedroom, dresses them, and helps them with their homework, without realizing that she was thus turning them into a dependent and irresponsible person who does not bear the consequences of their actions. They have become accustomed to the spoiling of their parents and their indulgence in their mistakes, besides doing everything on their behalf. Therefore, they would start to believe that they are dominant in the relationship and that their orders may not be rejected which leads them to consider their parents as obedient executors.
Many parents are not aware of the concept of responsibility. They pushed themselves to the far right or the far left until they became extremists in their parenting. Either they follow the method of imposition, coercion, and violence with their children, or the method of exaggerated spoiling, without setting any rules or standards. These two situations have confused them, and moderate and balanced parenting remained a difficult goal to achieve.
The question here is, what is the modern method of parenting to have a responsible, balanced child? Is the child an integrated personality that we have to handle with the utmost precision and caution from the first moment? Or a little being who is unaware of our behavior with them, and that we can change negative aspects in their personality when they grow up?
Parenting lies between partnership and freedom:
Have you ever asked yourself, "Why do parents get angry if their children make mistakes, quickly criticize them, and seek to impose certain things on them in a harsh and unconvincing manner?"
This may be because they have not yet understood the concept of parenting, nor have they understood that they and their children are partners in the experience of life. However, the role of each of them is different from the other, as this means that the child is a being of full will and freedom, and no human being on earth - including their parents - has the right to infringe on their freedom, or act in a coercive manner with them. God made us free, put before us good and evil, and left us free to choose between them. If God gave us freedom and did not follow the method of coercion with us, is it reasonable for a person to infringe on the freedom of another person and force them to do something?
The role of parents in upbringing is limited to clarification. That is, they must explain to their child in a convincing way why that matter is wrong, such as explaining to the child the negative consequences of the matter, and showing them the reason for classifying something else as true as they recite its positive results, and then tell their child that they are free to choose, and they must bear the consequences of their choice, whatever it is.
How do I teach my son to be responsible?
Here are some basic steps for having a responsible child:
1. Your mental state makes a difference:
You must first make sure that parenting is one of the most sacred tasks on earth, and that it is a huge responsibility on the shoulders of parents. So, start with yourself first, and observe your thoughts about parenting. If you have thoughts such as, "Parenting is a hard task", "Children are difficult creatures to deal with," or "I don’t see the results of my efforts, my children’s behavior never changes," know that you have to reconsider your thoughts because the psychological state of the parents is very important in parenting, and it is what prepares the child to receive information from his family. For example, "Will the psychological state of a child returning from school to be received by their mother with a hug and an amazing smile be similar to that of another child whose mother receives them with boring orders and requests?"
2. Parenting is a cumulative status:
Don’t expect astonishing results from the beginning. It is natural for a child to make mistakes, and then learn from them. Don't fall into the trap of idealism, and don't deprive your child of the joy of exploration just because you're afraid of keeping the house clean, or you're afraid of certain material objects. Rather, you have to invest in their innate details, share their activities, encourage them while doing them, talk to them on different topics, and ask for their opinion. Dealing with the child kindly and gently makes them feel that they are independent and integrated, takes responsibility for their actions, and increases their self-confidence.
If you strive every day sincerely and positively to teach your children useful habits, know that the results of parenting appear gradually and that all you have to do is to track them. Only then will you feel relieved.
3. Parenting with freedom:
One of the most important details that create a responsible child is the realization of the meaning of positive freedom. Instead of intimidating the child from making a mistake, or leaving them free and without any rules in an exaggerated way, such as doing something and then holding the parents responsible for the results of their actions, the parents' role is to explain to them the consequences of their action and the negative aspects it contains, and then give them the freedom to decide, provided that they bear responsibility for their decision. For example, "If a child insists on eating sweets, even after the parents have explained to them the disadvantages of eating too much of them, the parents should let them eat what they want, and when they have digestive problems, they should tell them, " We love you, but you did not take our advice and chose to have more sweets. Therefore, you have to bear the consequences of your decision, and you should know that we only say what is in your best interest." However, you should say that in a lovely and gentle tone instead of saying it with a scolding and criticizing tone.
Parents must learn to separate the child’s personality from their behavior, so they do not direct negative words to the child, but rather to their actions, such as saying, "You are a wonderful child, but your behavior is irresponsible."
4. Consider their opinion:
One of the ways of instilling a sense of responsibility in your child is to ask them to make their own decision on something. For example, ask them to choose the trip's place for this week. After the end of the trip, the family evaluates their choice and determines its pros and cons.
Such behavior enhances the responsibility in the child and makes them able to come up with responsible decisions.
5. The responsibility of studying:
For many children, studying is a source of anxiety, turmoil, and tension where you find them not taking responsibility for their school duties, but rather, placing the burden on their parents. This is due to the parents’ unthoughtful behavior. They did not teach their children the information in an amusing way, they were satisfied with the traditional form of education, and they implanted in their children's minds that what matters is the degree, not the information itself. This caused the children to run for grades rather than information. They turned into robots that mastered memorizing without understanding, and their relationship with the book was distorted because it reminds them of school and its stress.
They should have come up with amusing ways to deliver the information. For example, if the mother teaches her son the names of vegetables in English, and lets them help her in preparing lunch, she links knowledge to them with entertainment and makes the state of education interesting for them. Or you can play with them and weave a fictional story with them, using the vocabulary they learned in school to make them want to learn more vocabulary, weave more stories, and make a strong bond between them and the book.
Most children do not know the purpose of going to school. Therefore, parents should work on creating a problem, provided that its solution is found in one of the child’s academic subjects, and thus show the child the importance and magnificence of knowledge. For instance, if the father asks his son to read a story on TV, while the son has not yet learned to read, he should say to them, "If you had committed more to the reading class in school, you would have been able to read the news by now." It creates the motivation for them to learn because they feel the importance of knowledge.
6. Responsibility begins in the early years of the child:
Start assigning certain tasks to your child from their early years, provided that the tasks are specific and detailed so that the child does not become confused and feel difficult to carry out.
You can initially help them by doing it in a fun and interesting way like helping them tidy their room while you sing along. Do not forget to pay attention to your entire behavior, as you are a role model for your child in everything. Do not expose them to contradictions like saying something to them and doing the opposite.
On the other hand, the child should participate with their parents in making a list of the daily tasks they must do, such as making their bed, brushing their teeth, doing their schoolwork, speaking in a low voice, changing their clothes after returning from school, sleeping at the specified hour, and putting shoes on the place assigned to it, waking up by themselves to go to school, getting the school bag ready before bed, and reading a short story. They have to write these tasks on a board in their room and stick to them so that each task has a specific mark. At the end of the day, the child collects their grades and puts them in the total column. There should also be a box called "Bonuses", which are additional marks given in case of success in certain competitions, such as swimming, drawing, and others. At the end of the week, the child collects their total score for each day, and based on the final result, they get a certain reward equal to it. In this way, the child learns that they are responsible for their life. Therefore, if they strive and work more, he will get more rewards.
The reward should not only be in a material form, but also moral. For example, the mother hugs her child after they perform a large number of tasks assigned to them, and says positive, stimulating words to them.
In conclusion:
The art of parenting should contain amusing aspects as well. The more you strive to create a balanced, responsible, psychologically, and physically stable child from the beginning, the more you will rest in your coming days, and be happy to see the satisfactory results of your upbringing manifested before you through your successful children.
Add comment