You focus on what you are going to say most of the time, but I want you to focus on the way you say things, rather than on the things themselves. As human beings, at least 60% of our communication is non-verbal, which means that most of our communication with the people around us is shown through body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. However, most of the time we focus on what we are going to say rather than how we want to say it.
When I discovered the power of nonverbal communication, it was like discovering that I possessed a secret superpower. Little did I realize that many of my simple nonverbal messages or gestures were undermining my presence and credibility. I also learned that I could use my hands, my voice and my standing to speak.
I run a human behaviour research lab, and do all kinds of experiments on people, body language, and personality, so I want to share my body language tips to make you smarter, stronger, and more attractive.
Body Language Tips to Be Smarter, Stronger, and More Attractive:
1. Listen carefully:
If you ask someone "Do you hear what I hear?" They will often tilt their head to one side and focus to hear well because head tilt is the best way to "hear". This way, we expose our ears to the environment around us, so we can hear well.
This means that "head tilt" is the well-known sign that you are listening, and we as human beings love to be listened to. This makes us feel interested and desirable, especially for the person who is listening to us. This makes the listener seem more appreciative, more interested in us and, more attracted.
When you're listening to someone, you can show them nonverbal respect by tilting your head slightly when they start talking to you. This is especially good when you feel connected to the other person and want to show them this, as well as letting them know that you really care about what they have to say.
2. Pay attention to the first impression:
We can't help but judge people, and unfortunately that often happens during the first impression. In my book "Captivate," I talk about one of the most powerful tricks of human behaviour we have, the power of our first impression.
How do we make a really great first impression?
The best first impressions go through three levels. If you pass these three levels with your first impression, it will be better for the other person. The stranger becomes closer, and the close one becomes a friend:
- Level one: Are you a friend or an enemy?
- Level Two: Are you a winner or a loser?
- Level Three: Are you an ally?
Some researchers at the University of British Columbia looked at winning and losing athletes and found that there are general expressions of pride and defeat. In other words, it is our body that makes us look like winners or losers. Since our first impression appears in the first few seconds, most of it is based on nonverbal communication. When you look like a winner and people want to be friends with you, they see you as a winner and they want you to be their ally.
Bottom line, pose like a winner and your first impression will be great.
So, how do winners stand? They take up space, use their hands, throw their shoulders back, and make a generous claim to their space. Here are the three body language signals for a winner:
- Keep a large distance between the bottom of your ears and the top of your shoulders. This position shows that you do not tilt your neck or tense your shoulders anxiously, and then it shows confidence.
- Keep your arms relaxed, as there is space between your arms and torso. This position helps you use hand gestures and occupy space simply.
- Never cross your arms in front of your chest.
3. Pay attention to the situations in which you touch yourself:
Have you ever wondered what it means for a woman to touch her neck or jewelry during a date? Or the guy when he rubs the back of his neck? Self-touch is an interesting nonverbal signal that can mean self-soothing.
When we feel uncomfortable, our body language shows it. Self-soothing is a behaviour we do to calm our inner nerves.This practice stems from our childhood. When we were children, our parents would pat our head or back, or make some other gesture to calm us down. As adults, it becomes us who soothe ourselves.
Here are the most common types of comfort gestures:
- Rubbing the backs of our arms.
- Rubbing hands.
- Crackling joints.
- Biting the tongue or the lips.
While self-soothing gestures can calm nerves, use them in moderation. Self-soothing often undermines our strength, which lowers our levels of confidence and can cause us to be even more stressed.
4. Lean towards me:
We don't think much of leaning, but it's actually a very powerful nonverbal signal, and it can be used for many purposes, including focus, agreement, and partnership. So, in your next presentation or meeting, lean toward your audience or team when you make your most important point.
This nonverbal signal will increase listening interest and engagement. Also, the use of intentional leaning during conversations promotes friendships, encouragement, and agreement.
5. Pay attention to your feet:
Imagine that you go to an event or a party where you don't know anyone at all. You will think whether you should approach a group or wait for someone to approach you ,and in this case use the power of body language.
We move our bodies towards the things we like, whether they are people, ideas, or things, and so our feet often show our intentions. If you are waiting for someone to approach you, point your foot forward, as this position indicates that you are ready to have a conversation. If you want to join a group of people who are already having a conversation, check their feet. If one or more people's feet are pointing outside the circle they're standing in, then either they're leaving the group conversation, giving you space to get closer, or they're open to others joining in.
The most important thing is to realize that your nonverbal messages have great power, so don't miss the opportunity to take advantage of them. Pick one of these signals to work on each week for the next five weeks and see how your interactions with people change.
Conclusion:
60% of the communication we do is non-verbal, but we rarely think of communication as being done in a way other than talking. To be a person with great communication skills, control your body when you speak and listen to others.
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