7 Ways to Deal with Toxic People Smartly

It is difficult to deal with moody people and their outbursts of anger, yet remember that they may be facing  difficult times in their lives.

Note: This article is based on the work of Marc Chernoff, in which he teaches us 7 smart ways to deal with toxic people.

They may suffer from an illness, a chronic state of anxiety, or perhaps a lack of fulfillment in their need for love and support. They need someone to listen to them, support them, and take care of them. However, whatever the reason for their mood swings and negativity, you should always protect yourself from their harmful behavior.

But there is another type of negativity and mood swings, in which the owner is a bully, and they use their mood swings as an excuse to intimidate others and manipulate them. This is the type of mood that leads to harming people and causing their misery.

If you observe these people closely, you will find that all their behavior is self-centered, and they prioritize their relationships according to who they can use the most to meet their selfish needs. In this article, I will discuss toxic behavior specifically. I believe that toxic mood swings should never be victimized by other people, by any means.

7 ways to avoid being a victim of the hurtful actions of others

1. Go on without them

Beware if you are in a relationship with a person who always insists on soliciting the affection of others, as they are toxic. If you find yourself weary of their behavior, your sympathy, patience, advice and kindness are useless in helping them, and they also show no interest in changing their behavior, then ask yourself: Do you really need someone like that in your life?

Removing toxic people from your surroundings helps you find comfort again, and if circumstances force you to abandon these people, do so, keep moving, and have the courage to end these relationships when it gets too much. Staying away from toxic people is not a sign of hatred you harbor for them, or evil that you hope will befall them. Rather, it is a sign of your interest in what is in your interest.

Healthy relationships are based on sharing feelings; that is giving and taking, and this does not mean that you must be the party that gives to another party that always takes without giving. If you find yourself forced to deal with a toxic person for whatever reason, take the following points into consideration.

2. Stop trying to justify their behaviour

Not being careful allows toxic people to play games to give themselves an advantage over others. It is easier for them to make fun of the achievements of those around them than to make an effort to achieve their personal achievements. So, don't be fooled by that. Playing with these tricks will hurt you, and these people won't change their behavior if you keep going with them.

You have to make a firm decision not to allow them to deceive you, and stop considering their feelings and justifying their aggressive behavior. Also, know that there is no point in remaining surrounded by stressful and negative atmospheres. If an adult cannot be rational and able to take responsibility, then it is time to express your objection to them.

3. Do not hesitate to express your opinion

Stand up for yourself. Some people will do anything to achieve their own interests at the expense of others, such as bypassing others in waiting lines, taking their money and property, bullying and ridiculing them, or blaming them.

Do not be silent about such behavior, as most of these people know that they are wrong, and they withdraw automatically when confronted with their actions. Most of us tend to remain silent about these behaviors in public places until someone encourages and objects to them, so be the objector.

Some toxic people use anger as a way to silence you, or ignore your attempts to find a solution, and in unfortunate times, they interrupt your speech and start using your private matters to say what will hurt you. Also, if you dare to respond to them in kind, they may be shocked and lose their minds because you have violated their behavior, but you should not hesitate to express your opinion no matter what.

Being silent about a person's toxic behavior may become a major reason for drawing you into the cycle of their tricks, while commenting on their behavior in advance may show them the negative impact of their behavior. For example, you can say:

• “I see you are angry, did something happen that bothered you?”
• "I think you're bored, are you not interested in my conversation?"
• "Your behavior now bothers me, do you want to disturb me?"

Direct confrontation with such terms deprives the person of their ability to use their mood as a means to manipulate others, even if it is an unintended behavior. If they are having a hard time, this gives you the opportunity to help them.

Even if they deny it, at least you made them realize that their games are exposed and annoying to others, instead of their belief that they are hidden methods to manipulate others however they want, and if they insist on denying, then it is time to put an end to them.

4. Put an end to their behaviour

Some toxic people may try to insult, question, or destroy your dignity, but no one will be able to overcome it unless you abandon it yourself. It is about your courage to maintain the boundaries between you and others. So, prove to everyone that insulting or underestimating you is not tolerated.

In fact, I've never been very successful at condemning really toxic people (they are the worst), and the best thing I've come up with when they try to insult me is, "I apologize if I take this personally."

The most appropriate response in a situation like this is to end the conversation with feigned kindness or clear rudeness, and this is a clear message to everyone that you will not tolerate malicious behavior, and you will not be lured into such games.

Toxic people mess with everyone around them, including you, if you allow it. So, you can try to convince them to stop what they are doing, and if they do not listen to you, do not hesitate to remove them and ignore them until they do so.

5. Don't take toxic behavior personally

Know that they are wrong, not you.

Toxic people often try to hint that you made a mistake in one way or another. Because most of us tend to feel guilty directly, our self-confidence and comfort are shaken as soon as someone indicates that we have done something wrong. So, don't let that happen to you, and remember that you give yourself a free hand when you stop taking things personally.

Toxic people are negative towards everyone, not just you. Even if it seems personal and you feel offended, it probably has nothing to do with you. Their sayings and opinions are nothing but a reflection of their bad state.

6. Practice empathy rationally

Sometimes, it makes sense to sympathize with a negative person if they are having a difficult time or suffering from an illness. There is no doubt that some toxic people are miserable, depressed, or suffer from some psychological or physical disorder.

However, you should avoid linking their real problems and the way they treat you. If you dismiss someone's behavior out of sympathy for their disorder, depression, or health, you allow them to use their unfortunate circumstances as a way to manipulate you.

I volunteered several years ago in a children's psychiatric hospital, and followed the case of a child named "Dennis" who suffers from bipolar disorder. "Dennis" was difficult sometimes, and used to direct insults to others. When he had one of the attacks of illness, no one dared to stand up to him, neither did I. After all, he has a disorder, and he can't control himself, right?

One day I took Dennis to the park to play catch. After one hour, Dennis had another fit and started insulting me, but instead of ignoring his actions, I said to him, "Stop bullying me and insulting me, you're a good person, and you have what's better than that." He was dumbfounded at my speech, and in a matter of seconds, he gathered his strength and said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Mark, it was mean."

The lesson is that you cannot help someone by making unnecessary excuses just because they are in some kind of distress. Most people go through the darkest of circumstances without causing harm to those around them. We cannot genuinely empathize without drawing clear boundaries for others. Exaggerating excuses and tolerances is neither rational nor healthy. Your relationship with anyone is long-term.

7. Find a space to relax

If you are forced to deal with a toxic person, make sure you take time to rest, relax, and recover. It is exhausting to stick to being an adult, sane, and aware when dealing with a toxic person.

Toxic behavior can be contagious if you are not careful. I repeat I know that everyone, even those who are facing distress or suffering from a disease, are able to understand that you have your needs as well, which allows you to take a time out whenever you want, as you deserve this time, and you deserve to think quietly and peacefully away from external and negative pressures.

There are no problems to solve, no boundaries to maintain, no people to satisfy, and sometimes you have to find time to rest yourself away from the noise of our world that does not allow anyone to rest.