So, even though I still see myself as an introvert by nature, and prefer to spend long hours alone, that didn't stop me from learning how to be social.
How has observation helped me gain knowledge?
I observed what social people did, took notes on their mindset, read books on how to be social, and spent a great deal of time with politicians and political candidates I met by virtue of my job.
Anyone can become social, as I discovered that social attractiveness is not an innate quality, but rather an acquired one. It is a mental attitude and skills that can be learned. If you want to become social, you should apply these tips that we will mention in this article, which will help you achieve more progress and get more opportunities in your career.
It is not necessary to be social in order to be successful, but if you are interested in learning how social people behave, then these tips will benefit you. While your success does not have to be associated with being social, it will undoubtedly improve the quality of your personal and professional life.
1. Recognize beliefs that limit your social abilities:
Your belief that it is not possible to become social limits your ability to have a socially attractive personality. So, confront thoughts that reinforce your belief that you are not a good and fluent speaker and that you cannot be the centre of attention at any social event.
You do not have to be the focus of attention on any occasion, but all you need is to learn to form sincere relationships with others. Therefore, you must be spontaneous and allow others to know you as you are. Also, the important thing is to get rid of your belief that you are unable to do so, and to open up to learn new skills that you can use to build strong relationships with people.
Some people fear that after possessing these skills, they will become annoying people, and some fear fame. However, in reality, the person becomes more attractive and kinder after possessing these skills.
Also, you have to know that interacting with some people may be pointless, as some of them will not welcome the idea of building a friendship with you, or they may not be interested in it, and some may even be rude. However, you must not allow the attitude of those people to discourage you from forming great relationships with wonderful people.
2. Change your view of relationships:
Many people are afraid of forming relationships with new people, or communicating with them because they think that this makes others view them as demanding people, or they want to communicate with others for their own interests, but this belief is wrong. In fact, there is nothing more generous and altruistic than friendship, so you can change your thinking pattern by realising the noble purpose of relationships.
This is what I learned from some elected politicians. During your meeting with them, you feel that they sincerely want to help you. They treat you as a colleague who can help them, they suggest you join a group of people, and they help you communicate with other people who present in the event. Also, they ask you to reach out to someone in their office who can help you solve a problem, and that's what you should do. So, think about what you can offer the people you meet and what value you can add to their lives.
3. Practise the art of joking and chatting:
Introverts don't like gossip and banter, but it's an essential skill for creating strong relationships. So, start by practising this skill with people you already know.
When you are in a small group of people, or at a work or family event, try to chat with people, and when you are with a group of people you already know, practice joking so as to avoid embarrassment in front of strangers.
You may feel intimidated at first because you don't know what you're talking about. So, talk about the first thing that comes to your mind. You can think of several things that will make it easier for you to choose the topic to talk about, such as, why these people are attending this event and what is their relationship to the person who is hosting them, and you can choose someone and talk to them about the last movie they attended.
4. Don't talk about yourself:
At first, people don't care much about you, and if you don't know what to talk about, show curiosity and interest in other people by asking questions about their lives, work, studies, upbringing, etc. Another effective way to connect with someone is to try to discover your common interests. What are the things you both know, interests, and experiences that you have in common?
When you meet someone who grew up in the same city as you or travelled to the places you travelled to, you will form a relationship with them immediately. However, it will not be that easy when you do not find a common denominator with the person, and the solution here is to ask questions and inquiries until you reach something in common that can be talked about. And remember, once you find something in common between you and the other person, it will be easy to form a strong relationship with them.
5. Ask the host to introduce you to others:
If you find it a bit difficult to meet new people at an event or special occasion, ask the hosting person to introduce you to others. If the host is not available for some reason, find someone else who seems to know everyone or has relationships with almost everyone, and go towards them and ask them tactfully to introduce you to some of their acquaintances, and they will gladly understand your request and help you because you made them feel special. The people you are introduced to will also feel special, and among them you may find things in common with them and be able to start a conversation and form a relationship.
6. Be encouraged and attend social events and mingle with new people:
There is no easy way to apply this advice. If you want to become more social, you must attend events and socialise with new people. This may be what an introverted person hates most, but if you want to become more social, you must participate in some events.
I have always been worried about every occasion that required me to socialise with others, but I soon discovered that these occasions are full of opportunities to get to know wonderful people. On every occasion, I had the opportunity to form a relationship with at least one person, and this helped me overcome my anxiety from attending these events.
The only way to overcome the fear of attending social events is to attend these events. You have to bear the discomfort that you feel on these occasions until you completely get rid of anxiety. The more events you attend, the easier it will be to attend them in the future, as you have to attend these occasions, bear the temporary feeling of discomfort, and mingle with new people.
Additional tip: If you are afraid to attend social events or parties because you feel that you will not meet someone who shares your interests, then find events related to your interests and hobbies. For example, if you love yoga, then you can attend group yoga training sessions, and this way, you can get rid of your fear quickly.
7. Focus on the present moment and listen to others:
By listening carefully while you attend an event, you give an attractive impression and reflect a strong charisma to others. This advice becomes more important on occasions when there are many socially active people who always want to be the centre of attention.
This distinguished behaviour of yours will be welcomed by others, as you listen and show interest in what they say. Social people love to talk about themselves. So, they will enjoy your company when you are ready to hear them out, and that is what you should use to your advantage.
So, try not to check your phone or use it a lot on these occasions, as this is a great way to make others notice how much you care about their conversations, especially since it has become difficult in this era to see a person who does not check his phone every five minutes. So, be present and attentive, and try not to talk about yourself. Instead, listen to others, and use follow-up questions to encourage others to continue talking.
8. Imagine yourself as a social person:
Imitate the social characters that you like the most, whether this character is from real life, or from TV programs, cinema, etc. So, follow this character, record your observations and impressions, and note how they greet others, what questions they ask, and how they present themselves to others.
You cannot completely copy another person's style, but you can take advantage of your observations about them and incorporate them into your own style to get good results and focus on the confidence this person shows in their interactions with others. In addition, note his abilities and skills, and then imagine that you are a confident and sociable person with qualities that make you fun and confident.
Imagine how you feel when you are confident and spontaneous at the same time, especially during events crowded with people. Embrace this feeling completely and evoke it on every occasion you go to.
9. Stop being judgmental:
It is very likely that you have a judgmental mentality when you are in a place full of friendly and sociable people. The reason is that you are not able to integrate like others, and this makes you feel as if you are inferior to others. At the same time, you give them negative judgments when you describe this person as boring, and others as panting after attracting attention, but most likely you do so because of your shyness.
It is easier to criticise others and spoil their fun, but this prevents you from becoming the person you aspire to be. Taking a position from others and feeling disrespectful towards them because they are socially attractive stands in the way of showing your active and socially likeable personality.
Therefore, replace this mental attitude with one based on appreciating others. Value the time they spend talking to you. Show them your gratitude, and thank them for exchanging contact information and expressing their desire to communicate with you. Focusing on the values of respect and gratitude helps you appear as a positive person, and makes your spirits high.
10. Be yourself and don't pretend to be perfect:
We all think that famous people who have a lavish lifestyle are the most fun and attractive people at social events, but quite otherwise, ordinary people who are not ashamed of being so are more attractive than people who seek to portray their lives as perfect to others.
Talking to others about their ancient lineage, for example, may be impressive, but it does not help build a strong relationship. People who have wealth, fame, and success may have little time to talk to others. Therefore, you should not pretend that your life is perfect, but rather be yourself, be honest with yourself, and talk to others about your failures as you talk about your successes of course.
There is no need to show others that you are perfect, or tell them about your friendship with a famous person, as this will not help impress them. Everyone appreciates honesty, and this is what you can look like when you talk openly about your failure as you talk about your success, and you will be able to communicate with others in a better way. And remember that the more honest and open you are, the more you will be able to build stronger relationships and communicate in a deeper way.
11. Be friendly:
Let us explain first what it means to be friendly. You must know that feeling when you attend a social event, and everyone present is busy talking to each other, and no one shows interest in you or desire to talk to you. Here you should not behave in the same way with others, but rather you should show them that you care, and that means, for example, smiling at others, rather than yawning or playing a game on your smartphone.
Being friendly means making eye contact with others, saying hello kindly, and expressing your pleasure by knowing them. Also, being friendly means calling others by their names, and communicating with new people you do not know. Since this strategy worked for me as an introverted person, it must succeed with others, and this is what helped me work and succeed in the political and legal field. I was observing the behaviour of successful lawyers and politicians and distinguishing successful from unsuccessful ones.
In conclusion:
These tips are what will benefit you at work and social events. Also, honing your social skills and mingling with others will create new opportunities at work and promotion, and of course to further progress and the formation of solid and useful friendships.
In short, imagine how you want to be, believe in yourself, mingle with others, show them kindness, care, and respect, smile and listen to them, and you will become an attractive social person.
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