How To Stop Putting Yourself Down?

If you wouldn't yell at your friend, why would you yell at yourself? Almost everyone talks to themselves.

The Scottish tennis player Andy Murray, for example, is known to blame himself on the fielddespite his many titles. It's easy to think that there might be some benefit to this practice, and to say that if self-negativity was this bad, how did Murray achieve such victories?

However, a handwritten note, apparently written by Murray before a match in 2015, revealed that he was striving to silence his self-criticism. The note goes like, "Do your best," followed by "Be good to yourself" and " Be firm with your legs."

Businessmen have a lot in common with tennis players. Tennis is similar to establishing companies in the sense that they both are individual acts that are performed by one person. In both cases, emotions always run high when you are in good shape for some time only to find that your situation suddenly deteriorates. However, whether you're on the field or in the office, the messages you send to yourself will have an impact on how you perform.

The inclusive and reclusive nature of starting a company creates the perfect environment for destructive ideas to take root, so here's how to stop this.

How Should You Talk To Yourself?

Most of your feelings are determined by the things you think and say to yourself during the day, says Brian Tracy, author of Million Dollar Habits. In other words, you become what you think about most of the time.

If you don't believe him, think about what the science says about this. A study from 2013 found that women with anorexia turn as they walk through doors as if they were overweight and couldn't pass through it while walking normally. The way we view ourselves shapes our reality.

The opposite is also true. According to Tracy, "People who are positive and successful often visualize the outcomes they desire, and then program their subconscious minds and shape their self-image and external performance."

There are three types of self-talk: positive, neutral, and negative. To see if your mental dialogues with yourself are working for or against you, write them down. You may find certain phrases come up over and over, or you realize that your self-talk isn't quite as encouraging as you think.

Third-person Perspective

Take a look at what you've written, and ask yourself: Would you say such things to a friend? You probably wouldn’t if you ever wanted to spend time with them again.

It can be helpful to adopt this way of thinking when dealing with yourself. One study, published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, found that students who wrote self-advice using "you" instead of "I" not only completed more problems successfully, but they were also willing to put up with more in the future. Using the address form during our self-talk gives us a better perspective, making it easier to deal with the situation objectively, rather than dealing with it emotionally.

“Another way to put some distance between you and your thoughts is to give yourself advice the same way you would give your friend, partner, or child,” says Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan who also directs the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory program. Appearing on the HBR IdeaCast, Cross notes that distance when talking to oneself "enhances the structure of language to help us communicate with ourselves as if we were communicating with another person."

“When I talk to myself, I start trying to train myself to handle the situation using my name saying, "Okay, Ethan, how are you going to handle this? Also, he suggests avoiding doing it in front of other people, but Andy Murray didn't let that stop him, did he?

Practicing Gratitude

Do you want to know the fastest way to get rid of negative thoughts? Instead of grieving over what you don't have, take the time to reflect on what you are grateful for.

Gratitude has a wide range of benefits, from reduced stress to feeling more optimistic about life. Don't believe the old, inaccurate adage that successful entrepreneurs are all megalomaniacal tyrants.

Research actually shows a positive relationship between power and gratitude, and as the CEO of JotForm, a company with over 300 employees and millions of users, this doesn't surprise me at all. Making sure my employees know how much I appreciate them and their work creates a positive work environment for all of us.

Like anything else, training your brain to focus on gratitude can take some practice. So, Donald Altman, psychotherapist and former monk, suggests starting with three simple exercises:

• Write down one thing you're grateful for right now, and be sure to include why you're grateful.
• Practice gratitude every day. Label a box of some sort with the word “gratitude.” Then, every time you feel grateful during the day, put a coin or other small object in it, and at the end of the week, see how grateful you are.
• Share your daily gratitude with someone else. Altman writes: "Never underestimate its importance for building relationships, at home or in the workplace."

Surround Yourself with Positive People

There is a saying attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohn, that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, and whether we know we are doing it or not, humans tend to imitate the behaviors and habits of those around them.

While everyone sometimes experiences difficult days in their life, there are some people who consider pessimism and negativity the norm. This kind of person absorb your energy, and you'll know that you're dealing with someone when you find yourself mentally and emotionally disturbed during the exchange.

Although you can't completely escape them, you can, for example, interact with them for a specific time if your co-workers are of this type. Instead, surround yourself with people who are optimistic and practice positive self-talk with themselves—these are the people whose habits you want to learn.

In Conclusion

The things you say to yourself are crucial, and everyone is familiar with this golden rule, but I would add to it, "Treat yourself as you want others to treat you, and don’t settle for less than you deserve."