6 Types of Gaslighting and 5 Tips to Avoid Being Gaslighted

Gaslighting is a form of deceptive behavior that involves fabricating new memories and making you question your thoughts or reality.

Note: This article is by Vanessa Edwards, who explains the dangers of mind manipulation, as well as tips to avoid becoming a victim.

Gaslighting is a dangerous and abusive behavior

In this article, you will learn how to correctly identify gaslighting and avoid falling victim to it again. You will learn the following:

• The definition of gaslighting.
• Ten signs that you’ve been gaslighted.
• The reason why people fall victim to gaslighting.
• How to resist gaslighting?
• etc.

What is gaslighting?

There are two parties in this process: the manipulator and the victim.

• The gaslighter: displays and imposes their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on the victim.
• The victim: accepts the reality created by the gaslighter and integrates it into their thought system and lifestyle.

In other words, the gaslighter manipulates the victim's behavior, potentially through the following methods:

1. Underestimate the victim's feelings

The gaslighter may make you think that you are exaggerating your behavior or emotions.

2. Doubting reality

Professional gaslighters may prompt you to question the credibility of your memories or past events that have happened to you.

3. Denial

You may discover that the gaslighter has done something wrong, and if you confront them with it, they deny that anything ever happened.

4. Understatement

If a big problem occurs, the gaslighter may underestimate its importance.

5. Defamation

Gaslighters may hurt you by denigrating or discrediting you.

I will share my story of how I became a victim of gaslighting:

Back in high school, I had a strict debate teacher who always forced his students to attend the sessions, even on the weekends. He was so rigorous that no one dared go against him. So, I attended one session after the other, all because he said so. I felt forced to attend, until the day I told him that I was never able to attend more debate sessions. He looked at me and said, "You will not achieve anything in life if you do not put in more effort, Vanessa."

My high school teacher gaslighted me and made me feel like a failure unless I was always ready for a debate, and I still remember what he said to this day. Gaslighters can be your co-workers, a friend, a stranger you just met, or maybe your father, too. In other words, anyone can be a gaslighter.

Gaslighters can be so skilled at persuasion that they make you psychologically dependent on their own mindset.

They seek to preserve control over others, and when they feel they are losing control over the victim, they resort to a wide range of gaslighting tactics to maintain their control over the victim.

You may hear phrases such as:

• You're the one who made me lie.
• You worry too much.
• You're too sensitive.
• Did you forget what I said to you again?
• It didn't happen at all.
• You believe in something that never happened.
• You're crazy, irrational, silly, ignorant, indifferent, or any trait that would make you question yourself.

However, people are not born innate gaslighters; Rather, they develop this ability by learning from society. They learn to persuade by using certain words, and they learn that they can control others. They also learn that they can gain great power through this.

To prevent being gaslighted by others, you must recognize the signs that indicate you are a victim of this type of deception before it becomes familiar to you.

10 signs that you are a victim of gaslighting

Pay attention to these signs that your mind is a victim of gaslighting:

1. The gaslighter calls you crazy, even if you're not.
2. You start to think you're overreacting to all the little things.
3. You begin to feel that your past and memories are mysterious.
4. You constantly ask yourself, “Am I oversensitive?”
5. An apology becomes your natural reaction to any situation.
6. The gaslighter denies any truth you're facing them with, to the point where you begin to believe it.
7. You feel something is happening but don't know exactly what it is.
8. The gaslighter makes you feel that your emotions are worthless.
9. The gaslighter refuses to listen to your concerns.
10. Every time you tell the truth, the gaslighter accuses you of lying.

Memories can be wrong

To what extent do you have clear memories of your childhood? Do you remember the day you got lost in the store and a stranger saved you and returned you to your parents?

If you do not remember these details, you are very normal psychologically, and the reason is that this incident did not happen in the first place in reality.

Participants in a scientific study were told that this made-up story happened to them in their childhood, and surprisingly, 25% of people remembered this false incident.

In other words, our memories can be formed by telling them to us and manipulating our minds. This way, the gaslighter mentally controls their victims using body language and persuasive vocabulary. They can access the victim's mind and plant-specific ideas that lead them to believe big or small lies.

Let's review in more detail the different patterns of gaslighting.

6 Types of gaslighting

Gaslighting can occur in relationships, whether with family, in politics, or in any other field. I have found that gaslighters have six patterns that highlight how gaslighting occurs, and you may find after this reading that you were a victim of one of these types of characters:

1. Casanova

Casanova is one of the patterns of personalities that manipulate the mind through relationships. It is one of the worst patterns, and the person to whom this pattern applies may be your life partner, which means that you live with them 24/7, or at least you see them more than the rest of the people in your circle, and this means especially the following:

The Casanova gaslighter can manipulate your mind at the highest levels. They can do that by dictating what clothes to wear, friends to see, food to eat, when to leave the house, sleep, and countless other things.

Perhaps it has become clear to what extent a relationship with these people can be toxic if you fall victim to their tactics. Simone, one of the victims of gaslighting, said that her husband controlled her mind and she was about to go mad. According to her, her ex-husband did the following:

• He hacked her social media account.
• He shared a post on her account in a way that makes her seem like a mentally unhealthy person.
• He accessed her bank accounts and randomly transferred the money.
• He told her friends that she was mentally disturbed.
• He told her she wasn't fit to be a mother.

This sounds crazy, but for gaslighters like Simon's ex-husband, they manage the relationship through control. To avoid falling victim to this type of person in relationships, pay attention to these signs:

• Insistence on monitoring the partner's mobile phone, email, and activities.
• Determine the people and places the partner is allowed to visit.
• Determine when a partner can go to work or university.
• The use of insults, threats, and intimidating behavior.
• Control the financial capabilities of the partner.

Gaslighting in a relationship can be very dangerous, especially if the couple has not been married for a long time. Still, not all victims are women, and men can also be victims of gaslighting during relationships.

2. Tiger parent

Tiger parent: They are usually the dominant individual in the family who tries to be the absolute ruler in the family. We can all often remember examples of this pattern, including, for example, the father of one of my friends in elementary school, who is rightly considered a typical example of this type. This term is derived from The Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother by Emmie Show. The mother describes her philosophy of "work hard, never play" to make her children talented pianists and violinists.

Here are some signs that may indicate that your parent is of this type, or perhaps you are. A tiger parent does not allow their children to:

• Participate in parties.
• Take part in a play at the school.
• Complain about not being allowed to go to a school play.
• Watch TV or play video games.
• Choose their extracurricular activities.
• Get a less-than-excellent score.
• Not getting first place in all subjects except sports or theater.

It sounds exaggerated, but while this kind of gaslighting may lead to children's success, it won't make them happy.

With all these burdens, surely the children will experience a high level of exhaustion, for they are victims of gaslighting under the pretext of parental care. For example, in the film Rapunzel, the evil character is Mother Gothel, an excellent example of an individual who practices gaslighting on the family. Gothel uses many tactics to change Rapunzel's view of the world.

3. Doctor Dom

Doctor Doom, a metaphor for the evil character who appeared in the film Fantastic Four, is a character who specializes in the medical field; that is, they may be a doctor, a nurse, or any other medical worker who may do the following:

• Attribute your illness or disease to the wrong reasons, such as personality, living conditions, or even the weather.
• Underestimate your illness, or maybe deny it even exists.
• Exaggerate directly or suggest that your condition is worse than it seems.

It is rare for medical personnel to be gaslighters, but when they do exist, their influence is detrimental. Being manipulated so much can put your life at stake.

One of these cases was reported by Healthline, where the patient talked about her symptoms and went to the doctor to be diagnosed. When he learned that she was taking antidepressants, he immediately dismissed her, saying that it was because of her mental illness.

However, after her condition worsened, she visited another doctor, and it turned out to be an advanced case of pneumonia. This is gaslighting. If you feel that you are being misled by medical personnel, you should seek the advice of another specialist. Remember this if you decide to trust a doctor: not all doctors can diagnose your condition accurately, especially if they are gaslighters.

4. The fanatic

Gaslighting can come in the form of racist brainwashing, which the world witnessed in World War II at the hands of the Nazi Party. The German citizens were brainwashed to eliminate groups that did not belong to the Aryan race because of Hitler's belief that the Aryan race was superior to the rest.

Gaslighting can be used as a form of discrimination when marginalizing or degrading the culture of others because of skin tone, ethnic origin, or other minority characteristics.

5. The Masked Politician

Think of all the fear-mongering ads on TV and the political debates and conferences where politicians use gaslighting techniques to demean their political rivals and get you to vote for them.

If you want to be sure that you are a victim of gaslighting by politicians, ask yourself the following:

• Do I believe in what politicians stand for, or am I emotionally moved by their arguments?
• Am I surrounded by people with different political views, and can I participate in reasonable political debates?
• Can I be clear and logical in explaining the differences between the views of political parties on different topics?

If your answer is “yes” to the above questions, it means that you are not a victim of a political game based on gaslighting. If your answer is “no” to any of the above questions, you are likely a victim of one of the common tactics of gaslighting, which are used in politics. To avoid being a victim of politicians, make sure that you fully understand the point of view of the politician before you adopt your point of view.

6. Institutional Gaslighting

You may have read George Orwell's 1984. Governments use gaslighting to control their citizens through outrageous slogans such as “War is peace, freedom is slavery, or ignorance is power.” This is an institutionalized form of gaslighting: the government or other institutions manipulate the people who support them into believing their slogans.

Just like in the novel, we are faced with institutional gaslighting every day by organizations that usually have a hidden agenda of persuading and complying with their own goals. So, the next time you suspect that you are being gaslighted, ask yourself: “Is what is being put forward by these institutions in my interest or the interest of the institution?”

Note: While gaslighting is often used negatively, not all forms of it are evil. For example, the main character in the film "Matilda" uses her psychological abilities to draw on the classroom board and send a warning message to the evil school principal, prompting her to rethink her evil deeds; Perhaps this leads her to do good deeds, instead of bad ones.

How to deal with gaslighting?

Here are five tips to deal with it:

1. Free your mind from what is happening

Calm down and slow down a bit at first. Slowing down, whether psychologically or even physically, will help you understand your current situation more clearly.

Try one of the following tips:

Take a deep breath

Deep breathing from the abdomen increases oxygenation and allows you to relieve stress.

Take a moment and think

Some people may not need this advice, but for me, waiting and meditating on what happened helps me understand my current situation more clearly. This is because when I feel gaslighted, through meditation, I can make sure that this feeling is correct and determine the evidence that proves it.

Stay focused

Avoid becoming anxious or panicked; it is easy to succumb to these emotions. Instead, use techniques to lessen anxiety. This is crucial if you want to maintain clarity of thought over the long term.

Once you free your mind and can stay focused, you are eligible to apply the rest of the tips.

2. Speak with Confidence

Remember, gaslighters want you to lose your self-confidence under the pressure of their methods. If you are sure of the truth of what you feel and they are trying to manipulate your mind, defend your idea steadily and enjoy confidence. Observe the negative body language signals, especially when dealing with an aggressive person. You may notice aggressive cues such as a tight jaw or widening nostrils.

Be sure to speak confidently, and to achieve this, you must talk from the inside and establish a tone of voice that shows confidence. One way to do this is to find a level that allows you to speak with a pure and deep sound and reflects your sense of comfort and self-confidence.

3. Collect Evidence

The next step is to gather as much information as possible. This is necessary if you want to collect evidence to verify your suspicions or prove them to the gaslighter. You need to do the following:

Secret Journal

The secret journal is a way to record all the events that have happened to you. This way, you have a personal diary that reminds you exactly of everything that happened. You can keep a secret journal that records events, such as dates, times, and details, but this method is not  100% guaranteed. Still, you can refer to it when you begin to doubt the validity of what happened, and you can use the secret journal to record the events of the gaslighters.

Taking photographs

If you are not a fan of writing, documenting events with pictures is another way to help you check your memories and remind you that what happened is not just an illusion of your imagination. Pictures are a helpful way if you do not like writing or are the type that depends on visual memory.

Voice memos

Another alternative is to use your phone to record events through a voice recording application. Most smartphones are designed in a way that automatically contains a voice recording application, so this application must already be built into your phone.

Note: In some countries, recording the speech of others without their permission is a crime under the law, so keep this in mind before recording conversations or the speech of others.

Send an email to a trusted friend

There is a good reason why it is better to use email to document events rather than using mobile applications: e-mail keeps your messages in the form of a record, which is helpful if you want to maintain evidence, and you can smoothly send an email to yourself, or if you know someone who can be trusted, send them a message containing documentation of events, so you can return to this record later.

Once you have a secret journal, voice recorder app, etc., you have official documentation of the facts through which your mind has been manipulated. Thus, you have achieved the following:

• Now you know you're not delusional.
• You know you've been lied to.
• You know you're the victim of a gaslighter.

Once you have the evidence, you can turn to someone you trust to help you get through this situation, which brings us to the fourth tip.

4. Turn to a trusted friend

It's very important to have a friend you trust, and it may be:

• One of your parents.
• A close friend.
• Consultant.
• A childhood friend.
• One of your neighbors.

Bottom line: If you're constantly being manipulated, you need a pivotal figure with whom you can talk about your experiences, and don't hesitate to ask for help. The longer you wait, the worse the situation becomes.

5. Recover from the experience with motivational statements

So it happened: you were gaslighted, you applied the above tips, and you survived, which is great. Although the experience may be painful, there is a way to recover. My favorite way to recover from the experience of being a victim of gaslighting is through motivational phrases.

In conclusion

The origin of the term gaslighting in English dates back to the 1938 British play "Gas Light," in which the husband moves objects in the house from their places in a random manner and reduces the light of the gas light to make his wife think that she is crazy, although she is not.

It is currently believed in psychology that most people fall victim to gaslighting at different stages of their lives. We all believe in the occurrence of things that did not happen in the first place, or, on the contrary, we believe an actual event is an illusion.

But if you think you are a victim of a mind manipulator, do not hesitate to seek help from specialists. What seems simple at first can evolve to have catastrophic results.