The Pursuit of Perfection: Causes, Negative Effects, and Ways to Fight It

Perfection is the great deception in a person's life, which they will not discover before reaching intellectual, emotional, and mental maturity. Perfection does not exist; rather, it is an abstract idea that does not fit into reality. The more we seek to achieve perfection, the more we get disappointed.

If we criticize a painting, a song, a poem, or anything, we will notice that it can be improved. So, if you are a person who seeks pure perfection, you will certainly face great challenges, which may be impossible to overcome.

What is the definition of perfection?

We cannot agree on a single definition of perfection and its standards, but we can say:

• It's a set of perfect rules, whose function must be charging our motives with positive energy to rise toward perfection, which we cannot reach as it is a changing concept. This is a positive idea of ​​perfection.

The problem lies in those who imprison themselves within the concept of absolute and abstract perfection, and do not consider it a model for motivation. This is a social, cultural, and educational shortcoming that is widespread among various social levels.

What are the qualities of a perfectionist?

• The pursuit of perfection arises from rigid or intransigent thinking. A perfectionist does not change their expectations, plans, or dealings according to the situation, as they resort to postponing the solution, self-injury and rebuke, surrendering to the status quo, and refraining from trying.
• A perfectionist is more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts than others. They also have increased rates of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, which result from depression.
• The problem with the perfectionist is that their self-love and self-respect is conditional on completion and doing the perfect work. This is what causes psychological and physical disorders because it is impossible for any human being - no matter how skillful or experienced they are - to perform perfect work all the time.
• A perfectionist feels - in most cases - that they are frauds. They live in a constant fear of being exposed, even though they have not done anything wrong. Since they consider themselves valuable only in perfect cases, they will feel - in most cases - that they do not deserve what they have reached.

How to get rid of obsessive perfectionism?

To rid yourself of its obsessiveness to make everything around you perfect, there are several methods to achieve this:

• It is useful to accept with open arms the new situations and unexpected things that you encounter on your way.
• You must be open to new opportunities, and try to invest in the happiness that they might offer you.
• Be familiar with insecurity or instability.
• Life is not a path paved with roses and birds. You must accept such things, and get used to their recurrence.
• Keep in mind that we do not need to purchase a bed that is elegantly designed and comfortable to the point of perfection in order to sleep. We must be able to sleep in any bed, even if it is made of nails.
• Find out what drives you to perfection.

Once you define that motive precisely, you must subject it to a fair reasoning trial, and ask yourself:

• Does this job that I want so perfectly deserve all this attention from me?
• Does perfectionism exist in all successful people?
• Was their motive to be perfect in everything?

If you look at the stories of the greats of history, scientists, great doctors and inventors, you will find that they were not that perfect.

Skills we must master

• It is useful to learn the skill of self-compliment, which is to address yourself with the same tact and kindness you address others with. Speak to yourself out loud.
• We must all convince ourselves that when we focus on the wrong things, and give them more attention than they deserve, we will neglect the right and positive things one way or another, whether consciously or unconsciously.
• There are many fluctuations and events in life, some of them are negative and some are positive, some of them are subject to our control and some are not, and we cannot prevent or avoid them, such as old age or death.
• Keep in mind that the proper and healthy pursuit of perfection is driven by enthusiasm, not fear, led by hope, not anxiety, and included in confidence, not hesitation.

What's wrong with striving for perfection?

In some cases, the problem is not about having high standards to measure success, capabilities, and the circumstances around; rather, it lies in - in some cases - feeling that they are directed and not given a choice.

For a large percentage of people, the problem is that they give exaggerated importance to their expectations, more than the importance they give to the reality which is the real court for humans. We live in reality, not within our expectations.

In addition, there is the frustration that accompanies a person in their various life stages. Perfection is impossible to achieve, so the person remains in a state of continuous self-blame and dissatisfaction, which leads to low self-confidence, and further problems as well.

A person may become anxious. This anxiety will gradually - if it continues for a long time - turns into depression. Because of the dormancy or lethargy of the irritating elements in which anxiety operates, anxiety can be likened to a heated battle, and depression to the ashes resulting from the devastation of this battle.

What is the psychoanalytic underlying obsessive tendency toward perfectionism?

The reason for your excessive love of perfection might be that you lived a chaotic childhood without any order. This led to your suffering because of this chaos, and implanted within you the obsession with perfection and the desire for all things around you to be in a perfect flawless condition to control all your life aspects and obtain the order that was missing during your childhood.

Some psychoanalysts tend to interpret a person's pursuit of perfection and mastery of actions in the right perfect way as a person's desire to bring safety into their heart, to feel self-esteem, to increase their self-confidence, and to develop their abilities and capabilities. We cannot deny that mastering the work that a person loves and getting the admiration of themselves and others is what boosts self-confidence the most.

However, some psychology schools attribute a person's pursuit for perfection to the fact that their parents - at a certain time - were not satisfied with the achievements and goals they had achieved. This means that they lived in an atmosphere of anxiety, tension, or excessive dissatisfaction, even if things were fine, or that there were minor shortcomings in what they were doing.

What can we do to fight perfectionism?

1. Getting rid of thinking that dictates what we should do.
2. It is better to practice being able to deal with spontaneity in circumstances that force us to do so.
3. Getting rid of binary thinking (black-white). We must realize that these two colors do not exist individually, as life is a mixture of them both.
4. It is very important that we praise ourselves once we make the effort and try. We should not count the perfect result as an inevitable condition for us to be satisfied with ourselves.
5. We must stop viewing mistakes as major disasters, and consider them an integral part of the nature of life.
6. Giving ourselves enough time to complete a specific task, rather than speeding up the work implementation to finish it in record time. If we program our brains to complete the work quickly in a record time, it will affect the work accuracy. Furthermore, if the work is done accurately, but in a longer period than planned, we will blame ourselves and waste the joy of celebrating our work.
7. Viewing ourselves and our reality with compassion and empathy, as we deserve mercy, kindness, and kind words. We will never be able to love others if we do not love ourselves in the first place.

In conclusion

The pursuit of perfection will get us nowhere because the question "What should I've done?" has an endless number of answers. It is better to enjoy reviewing what we really did, which will enjoy us a lot.