9 Tips to Win Any Argument and Transform It Into a Fruitful Discussion

Do you typically lose arguments? Are you trying to figure out how to argue without fighting? In this article, you will learn how to restrain your emotions during any argument to win it over.

Do you recall your most recent argument? You might have hurled accusations at each other, become enraged, engaged in tense debates, and things like that. However, a good argument doesn't require emotion, but it requires composure.

Therefore, we will outline the fundamental components of respectful disagreement in this article, along with tips on how to hold a productive debate, communicate your point clearly, and win in your unique way.

We'll rely on the knowledge and counsel of Why Are We Yelling?: The Art of Productive Disagreement by Buster Benson to comprehend the jurisprudence of argumentation and how to do it more effectively.

What is an Argument?

It is a disagreement between two or more people over opposing worldviews that results in an argument when neither side can accept the other's viewpoint. The argument is typically heated and may include yelling as well as negative emotions like stress and anger.

The conversation is beginning to veer off into a disagreement before an argument breaks out. There are two ways in which this transition may occur:

1. Whenever you experience pre-argument anger, anxiety, or intimidation. You might experience this if you used to argue with a toxic friend, for example.
2. Whenever you transition from discussing to presenting your viewpoint, meaning that you are no longer speaking for the conversation's pleasure but rather to stand up for higher values. At that point, you start to speak out in support of an organization, thought, or movement that is more significant to you as an individual.

Misconceptions about Arguments

1. All Arguments Types Are Bad

This is just a misconception, as an argument is an activity that helps us learn, grow as a person, and collaborate with others. Imagine that you avoided engaging in any past arguments, so no one would disagree with you, and you would take everything you say or even imagine to be true without a doubt. This would be disastrous for the following reasons:

• You would miss self-development opportunities.
• You wouldn't gain any new knowledge.
• Your worldview would be wrong.

Not to mention that you'll become a boring person because you would lack enriching thoughts.

2. Avoiding an Argument Is a Maturity Indicator

Many people believe that as they get older, it becomes their responsibility as mature people to stay out of any arguments. However, it's likely that whenever you avoid an argument, you'll feel compelled to speak to yourself, which exposes you to the following:

• You will exercise caution when interacting with your friends and family.
• You let go of people you disagree with.
• You spend less time with those who disagree with your opinions.

Each of these outcomes results in a more limited, narrow worldview. Therefore, you must let go of your rigid adherence to your convictions and learn to accept and benefit from arguments because it is the true maturity indicator.

3. Argument Changes Viewpoints

We want to convince someone when we argue with them, but all that happens is that our convictions clash with theirs. This is because people's core beliefs take a long time to change, which is much longer than any argument can take.

We get upset when we cannot convince our opponents to change their minds even though we already know that the argument won't succeed. Therefore, instead of trying to change others' minds, let's concentrate on resolving the conflict.

Conflict Resolution Definition

Conflict resolution procedures involve techniques aimed at calming the situation and achieving peace. The goal is to lower the argument's intensity even as it continues. A conflict can be resolved amicably when all parties involved are calm, encouraging them to be open to each other's viewpoints.

People frequently misunderstand conflict resolution, which is one common mistake, as they believe that it involves one party giving in to a convincing argument before quickly announcing the winner. Of course, the sooner the argument is resolved, the better, but force should not be used to do so. When we are angry, our emotions heavily influence our decisions, which prevents us from constructively ending the argument.

5 Conflict Resolution Strategies

1. Withdrawing from the Conflict

This solution should be chosen when the harm of conflict outweighs the potential gain from resolving the argument.

2. No Matter the Outcome, Parties Compete Against One Another

The conflict parties may be strict rather than obedient if they choose to resolve the conflict in this way. However, there might be more effective strategies for resolving the conflict or leading to a fruitful compromise.

3. Accommodate the Other Party

This strategy involves deciding to be obedient rather than strict and giving in to the other party's demands and wishes. This is a great way to end an argument if you realize you were wrong or you don't want to escalate the conflict. However, its drawback is that the two parties may still have unresolved issues.

4. Cooperation

By being assertive and cooperative, both parties can learn from one another and reach an agreement following this strategy. However, applying this is challenging because it requires both parties to have an open mind and a desire to resolve the conflict, as they should focus on cooperation rather than finding ways to win at the other party's expense.

5. Waiver

This strategy means that the parties are assertive on some points and cooperative on others in their endeavor to negotiate a settlement. Similar to political negotiations between contending states, both parties seek to retreat from extreme positions and find a middle ground. Also, be aware that how you handle the argument indicates how much you still need to improve your conflict-resolution skills.

6 Points about Conflicts You Need to Know and Keep in Mind

Before we get to the point, here are six quick facts about arguments that you should know and keep in mind, whether it is with a coworker, family member, significant other in your life, or even a stranger:

• There is always a chance that an argument will escalate into a conflict, and there will always be advantages and disadvantages to that. So, you must have the ability to control your emotions.
• Participating in the conflict rather than avoiding it will produce much better results, provided that your participation is constructive. According to a study by American Professor Benjamin Chapman, suppressing emotions increases the risk of dying.
• You need to recognize and accept the fact that not everyone will share your desire to resolve a conflict amicably, so act according to that. For example, suppose that you spilled some milk and are concerned about upsetting someone. Even if you are not at fault, try to begin the conversation calmly and with an apology, as it can help reduce the tension, yet people rarely do this.
• Acquiring skills of how to interact with people, including body language, communication, kindness, and everything else that promotes better relationships with others.
• Showing respect for the other party leads to handling crises more effectively. According to one study, a conflict can become more adaptable and calmer if both parties respect each other. This is very important because it is uncommon to witness two people arguing calmly and flexibly.
• The setting significantly impacts whether the conflict develops into either a constructive disagreement or a real confrontation. Therefore, if you are used to having pointless arguments with others, try to avoid them when you sense an argument is about to arise.

Let's now discuss tips for winning any argument:

9 Tips for Always Winning Any Argument

Say you anticipate arguing with someone, whether it is:

• While interacting with your family or friends, who frequently argue with you.
• While joining a group of less compatible people for an event.
• While presenting your sales pitch to skeptical employers.

So, what do you do in each of these situations? Find out with these tips:

1. Participate Humanistically

Let's face it. The majority of us go into an argument assuming the other person is less reasonable or competent than we are. Therefore, the first step is to view the people you disagree with as partners rather than opponents. After all, they are other complex human beings just like you, with unique experiences throughout their lives. You will be more in balance if you treat them more equally.

Here are some tips to participate humanistically:

• Invite them to dinner, as a study led by Professor Kaitlin Woolley found that despite the possibility of arguments over dinner, eating together improves interpersonal understanding and hastens conflict resolution.
• Consider your pleasant past shared memories. This can be challenging when things get heated, but remembering the good times you had together can help to defuse the situation.
• If the argument is at work, offering the other person pancakes, gum, shaking hands with them, or anything else that will help establish trust may be helpful.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Avoid asking Yes / No questions such as those that begin with “Is,” “Is it possible,” etc., as they end the discussion quickly. These questions include:

• Do you think increasing inventory is a good idea? No.
• Can you help with my project? No.

Instead, ask inquiries that will help you learn what you don't already understand about their viewpoints. In other words, encourage the conversation to continue by posing questions like the following:

• What do you object to?
• Why don't you agree to this? Is it because it conflicts with your core beliefs?
• How can we better our understanding of one another during this time?

Open-ended questions typically start with: why, what, how, where, or when, for example:

• What is the most effective way to increase our inventory?
• How can you help me with a project?

3. Define Your Conception about Winning an Argument

Everyone strives to achieve a goal in everything they do, and nobody can predict when an argument will begin and when it will escalate into a conflict, altercation, or something more serious. Therefore, before engaging in an argument, you must define what winning entails for you:

• Do you want to stand your ground and convince others that you are right? You should know that this does not resolve the conflict in most cases.
• Do you want to find a middle ground that satisfies both parties?
• Do you tend to withdraw from an argument after a while? This might result in the argument prolongation and the other party sticking by their viewpoint.
• Are you willing to completely accept the other party's convictions in place of your own?
• Do you believe that learning something new is the real gain even if it proves you to be wrong?
• Do you want to deepen your relationship with the other party or do you want to end it based on this opportunity?

Practical Tip

Consider this: What are your goals in an argument? Every topic is different, so be sure to define your limits. For instance, you might discover that you are willing to compromise on some topics or discuss your convictions on other topics, while you are not ready to compromise your beliefs and will argue your point until you win on some other topics.

4. Pose This Essential Question

Directly facing the issue can occasionally be reckless. Sometimes, you have to understand why people hold these convictions in the first place, so ask this essential question:

“What did you previously believe that you no longer hold?” This question encourages people to better engage in the conversation.

It's a great question because it allows others to talk about their beliefs, as it is also a polite way to ask the person: “Are you able to change your beliefs?” In most cases, you will get a positive outcome because no one's convictions are constant. Additionally, this question helps the other party see their weaknesses and empathize as well.

If you want to compromise the argument, you could also ask the following: “Is there any way to convince you to change your mind, and what argument would convince you to do so?” This question enables you to determine whether the argument is fruitless or useful, as arguing will be just a waste of time if they answer negatively to the question: “Is there any way to convince you to change your mind?” However, if the response is affirmative, then move on to the subsequent question: “What argument would convince you to do so?” As a result, you win the argument if you can bring that point.

5. Focus on Body Language

Conflict possibility is influenced by a variety of cues, including voice tone, posture, eye movement, hand gestures, and other secondary communication cues. Even if the other person is yelling at you, you need to speak to their consciousness and let them know that you are not engaging in an argument with the intention of fighting if you want to resolve a conflict peacefully, no matter what the topic is.

The best way to do this is to moderate your voice tone and maintain composure because when people are arguing, they tend to become louder and louder. While a gradual, moderate increase in voice volume and tonality promotes persuasion, a sudden increase in these cues promotes hostility.

However, it can be challenging to keep a calm tone during an argument because as the voices grow louder and the tone becomes more intense, both sides become frustrated. At this point, neither party considers changing opinions or considering an alternative viewpoint; instead, they only consider ways to escalate the conflict because neither party can win.

However, there is a solution to this issue; here's what to do:

• De-escalate the conflict and assure the other party that fighting won't cause you to withdraw from the argument.
• Remain silent for a while during the discussion to show strength and composure. When people are arguing, they rarely stop talking and almost always carry on. Therefore, keep silent and listen for a while instead of yelling.
• Show respect for the other party.

Most likely, the hardest of the conflict resolution skills is the last piece of advice, as when the other party is nearly yelling at you, it can be challenging to remain calm, and it is almost impossible to show respect to the other party in this situation.

You can do it if you have the right mindset, although it does require some practice and proficiency in the language of reason. When someone shouts at you, it helps to maintain your composure and stop talking for a considerable amount of time. Most likely, this person will acknowledge their mistake and will apologize to you.

Practical Tip

Stop talking the next time someone treats you badly or says something rude to you; take a deep breath, watch how they react, and you'll feel stronger and better able to react. Use this tip to de-escalate.

6. Focus on the Voice Tone

Modifying your voice tone means changing the tone and pitch of your voice. This occurs frequently at the end of a sentence, so you adjust your voice tone, higher or lower, to indicate whether you are asking a question answering one, or saying something as a statement or as a consultation.

There are applications for both high and low tones. The high tone is renowned for its ability to lessen conflict intensity because it makes it clear to the other party that you are not intending to order them but rather inquiring about or reviewing something because, in the end, this is the cause of most conflicts.

Practical Tip

The next time you converse with someone, end the first sentence with a high tone and the next one with a low one. Notice the other's body language while you are talking; you will find that they may interpret your high tone as a challenge or an effort to prove a point which could lead them to become hostile towards you.

Speaking in a low tone gives the impression that you are explaining something, as it will demonstrate your self-confidence, competence, and ability.

7. Tell a Joke

The most effective way to calm someone down is to tell a joke. A joke is frequently all that's required to subconsciously encourage the other person to relax and transform the conflict into a fruitful disagreement.

A joke not only smooths over an argument, but a study by Dr. Laura Kurtz also showed how jokes can be used to subtly convey friendliness and an interest in the happiness of others.

By making a joke, you will gain the other person's suspicion that you want to argue. It might take some practice if you're not very good at making jokes, especially if you're not used to it during potential discussions or arguments.

Here's Another Tip

Don't consider the other party to be evil. This means that if someone makes a joke about you, take it in stride. The vulgar joke might work, but you'll probably need to develop your joke-making skills.

8. Understand Them

Sometimes, it's impossible to avoid an irrational argument. Maybe the person you're arguing with isn't ready to hear your viewpoint at all.

The answer is simply to accept and respect their viewpoint and show appreciation and interest in their thoughts. Then, you politely say “but” to them, which keeps your mutual respect and agreement, rather than agreeing with them on all points, and make it clear to them where you differ from them.

Imagine yourself as a child, and you refuse to eat the vegetable dish your mother had prepared. How would you respond to her if she politely asked you to eat it? Arguing and telling her that vegetables taste bad and that you're not hungry is rude. Instead, say that vegetables are tasty but you're not hungry.

Instead of flatly declining your mother's request, you added a sweet compliment so she wouldn't think you were criticizing her directly.

Practical Tip

Highlight your points of agreement and disagreement when conversing with friends or family members. Keep this in mind, but avoid saying it aloud, or you'll annoy others. The goal is just to help you develop conflict resolution skills and understand how to transform an argument into a constructive disagreement.

You can defend your position and have a better chance of influencing the other party's beliefs and turning the conflict into a constructive disagreement by highlighting these key points.

9. Consider the Argument as a Learning Opportunity

Arguing is an opportunity to learn, so instead of arguing to persuade or win the other's support, argue to learn. Also, you should focus on listening to the other party in an argument rather than trying to prove your point. Additionally, if you invest the time you spend in the discussion to learn something new, acquire a fresh perspective, or avoid conflict, as you can benefit greatly.

A calm discussion's main advantage is that it teaches you a valuable new concept you didn't know before, and that alone is enough to allow you to enjoy any discussion.