7 Tips To Stop Caring About Other People's Opinions

Most people have emailed me, "What's wrong with wanting to please others?"  in response to one of my recent articles.

Note: This article is based on the work of the author Marc Chernoff, and offers several tips for stopping caring about the opinions of others.

For this, I want to discuss why trying to please everyone is unhealthy, and how to stop yourself from doing so.

Seeking the approval of others isn’t a problem unless you sacrifice your health and happiness in the process. If you feel that the approval of others in everything you do is essential in your life, then this is a serious problem.

I literally felt short of breath, as if I was going to die if I didn’t get the approval of my classmates. This developed in my mind at a very young age, after being teased by my classmates for being a "nerd" in primary school.

I did whatever it takes to please them, and though I got past this embarrassing phase very early in my teenage years, the damage was already done. I lost my self-confidence, and my life then revolved around seeking approval from others constantly.

The real problem was that, as a college graduate in my twenties just entering the job market, I thought that nothing I did or thought could be of value unless it was the "right thing", and by "the right thing" I mean, "What others think is true, and I was afraid of doing anything that wouldn't be appreciated by others, which limited my creativity especially while I was trying to nurture my passion for writing and blogging.

However, once I realized what I was doing, I read a lot of books, talked with a Coach, and really focused on healing this broken part of my personality.

In short, the constant pursuit of approval robs you of the beautiful feeling associated with being who you are with all your unique thoughts and desires.

How can you stop caring about what everyone thinks about you?

In the following, we will mention 7 tips that help you stop caring about other people's opinions

1. Find comfort in ignoring what other people think

When I started blogging, I struggled with whether people thought what I was writing was good enough. I hoped desperately that they would like my writing, and many times I believed they didn't. Then one day, I realized how much energy I wasted worrying about it. So, I gradually learned to find comfort in simply not caring about that.

Some problems in life, like not knowing what other people think of you, aren't really meant to be solved. People's opinions of you are more about them than about you anyway. They may love or hate you just because you somehow remind them of someone they loved or hated in the past, and you absolutely have nothing to do with this.

So, here's a new lesson that you should always repeat, "This is my life, my choices, my mistakes, and my lessons, and as long as I don't hurt people, I don't have to worry about their opinions of me."

2. Know that most people don't think of you anyway

Author and novelist Ethel Barrett once said, “We wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of us if we realized how rare their personal achievement is," which is true.

For this, ignore what everyone thinks about you because they probably don't think about you anyway. If you think that they are always thinking of you, you must understand that your feeling of being watched or criticized for every move only exists in your imagination. It is your inner fears and lack of self-confidence that create this illusion. The problem is, in fact, that you're the one who is judging yourself.

3. Accept that someone else's opinion is not your problem

You often look at someone, and you misjudge how amazing they are at first. Appearances are deceiving. How you appear to someone and what you really are are two different things that rarely match. Even if they grasped your real identity, the greater part of who you are remains a mystery, and rarely does anyone realize your true identity, and that's fine.

If someone forms an opinion of you based on appearance, it is up to them, not you, to fix those opinions based on a more objective and rational point of view. For this, leave this task to them; that is, if they have an opinion at all.

The bottom line is you have nothing to do with other people's opinions of you. The less you care about their opinions, the less complicated your life will be.

4. Ask yourself whether what they think is important

People will perceive you according to their level of perception no matter how carefully you choose your words and behavior, and there is always a good chance that you will be misunderstood or misinterpreted. However, this is a minor part of your life journey.

Others' opinion of you isn’t important. On the other hand, what's really crucial is how you perceive yourself. For this, when you make important decisions, remember that what you think about yourself and your life is more important than what others think of you.

Always be honest with yourself and never be ashamed of doing the right thing. In other words, look for your personal convictions about the right thing and stick to it.

5. Notice the positive side of being unique

If you think like everyone else, you are not thinking. Thus, you're wasting your life. Trying to imitate people we look up to, like a parent or a famous personality, is human nature, especially when we lack confidence in ourselves.

However, trying to be someone else always makes us feel empty inside because what we value in people we admire are their qualities; that is, the qualities that make them unique. To truly imitate them we need to develop our own uniqueness, and in this way, we are actually less like them and more like our true selves.

We all have unique desires and perspectives, and the more satisfied you become with your own differences, the more satisfied you become with just being you.

Enjoy being different, far from the ordinary and closer to the weirdness, in other words, to your own creativity. If you find yourself feeling like you don't belong, search by all means for a new beginning and a new place to belong to, but never change your nature. Just be yourself.

6. Be fully aware of how you want to feel

It's okay to know what feelings you want to avoid, but that's not all you have to think about. Imagine someone learning reading by spending all their time focusing on how they dislike reading. This doesn’t make any sense.

It's time to stop thinking about the feelings you don't want, determine how you want to feel now in the present moment, and train yourself to live in the present, without recalling how others once made you feel, or fearing that you might be criticized in the future.

If someone you care about is in a life-threatening situation in a public place, you'll be fully focused and present to save them, not thinking about what passers-by think of your hair, body shape, or the brand of jeans you're wearing. All these unnecessary details will vanish from your mind, and the severity of the situation will motivate you to choose not to care about what others are thinking about you.

This simply proves that being concerned about what other people think of you is your personal choice.

7. Share and live by your true beliefs

Say what you really believe even if your voice trembles. Of course, you should be friendly and reasonable, but don't be overly cautious about every word you say. Ignore your concerns about what others might think and let the consequences of your disclosure unfold naturally. Most of the time, you will find that no one is ever offended or angry, and if they are upset, it is more likely that you have begun to behave in a way that makes them feel that they have less influence over you.

Think about it, you don't have to pretend anything. After all, the truth often comes out one way or another, and that's when you'll find yourself alone if you've been living in a bubble of lies. For this, unleash your true self and live the moment.

It is fine if someone bothers you and indicates that you have changed. It means that you have stooped living your life trying to please people. Never apologize for that. Instead, be open and honest, explain your feelings, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.

In Conclusion

Spending life trying to please others who may not be satisfied in the first place, or trying too hard to be seen as always doing the "right thing" is an unfortunate way to live.

Do not be satisfied with an ordinary life. We are all alive, and the question remains: Are we really living our lives?

I eventually realized that being alive without really living life was not what I wanted. Therefore, I made the necessary changes. I have implemented all seven tips discussed in this article and have never looked back. If you have this problem and seek everyone's approval for every little thing you do, take this article seriously and start making changes today. Life is too short to avoid it.