11 Techniques to Lower Your Expectations and Feel Less Stress

This morning I received a long e-mail from one of my readers, Evan, who is having a hard time getting over a failed relationship.

Note: This article is based on the work of the writer Angel Chernoff, in which she tells us about the most important methods and strategies that help us to let go of our expectations so that we do not get disappointed.

He explains in detail the telltale signs that his toxic relationship has been doomed for years and that he needs to let go of it.

However, he is having a hard time doing so, because getting over this relationship means that he would ultimately have to face the reality of the matter, which in turn requires him to abandon the preconceived notion of how his life and relationship were supposed to go.

A specific line in his e-mail summed up his story well. He said, "I've learned through pain and difficult experiences that letting go of what you believed to be genuine is the toughest thing in life."

Perhaps that is the truth that applies to all of us in all aspects and paths of life, as we all tend to have preconceived notions about how things should be or how our lives should function. Unfortunately, this is often what weakens us the most, spoils our lives, and causes us stress and psychological pressure.

So, you have to be well aware that life sometimes does not give you the things you want because you simply need something else completely different from what you want. Additionally, you get things you never wanted in the first place when you are not looking for them.

You will not always be able to understand this and that's okay. Your life becomes worse and more difficult when you think that you have reached rock bottom of misery and depression, but then it gets better after you completely lose hope.

The secret to not falling into that trap is indifference and callousness, that is, letting go of the life that you anticipated and envisioned so that you can invest in the life that awaits you and benefit from it to the fullest extent. Although this may seem difficult, it is worth the effort.

Some strategies to help you let go of expectations

1. Create a healthy space for yourself

There are moments when you are so close to the intricate jigsaw of life that you are unable to see the wider picture necessary to solve it and live a peaceful life. Therefore, you need to take a few steps back to add some clarity to the situation you are in.

The best way to do so is to take a short break for a while as an outlet or vacation for you to explore new things. This will enable you to get back to the starting point of your life and break the stereotype image which you once had, hence, allowing you to look at things from a different perspective. People may also start perceiving you differently.

Going back to your starting point is completely different than staying in your place or making any effort for the sake of change.

2. Accept the truth and practice feelings of gratitude for what you have

Letting go or getting over something is the feeling of gratitude towards all the experiences that made you laugh, cry, or develop and learn to accept what you have now, what you had in the past, and all the opportunities that await you.

It's all about your ability to find the strength to accept the new challenges that life brings, seize them, and make the best out of them. Also, it is about trusting your intuition, learning as you go through life, realizing that each experience has its value, and taking positive actions that move you forward.

3. Talk less and breathe more when you are angry

When you are angry, you may say things that you may later come to regret. So, when you are pissed off or angry with someone, you have to sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, and think for a moment to discover the real source of your anger.

Anger always comes from within us, but it appears outwardly in our words and actions. Therefore, remember well that we have to fix ourselves and our conditions first before we try to fix or influence others.

Trying to change others around you is a common way that leads to long-term pain and suffering, while taking responsibility for changing yourself and the way you deal with the behavior of others is a guaranteed way to develop and find liberty and happiness.

4. Show mercy and sincere forgiveness when needed

You must always choose forgiveness over harming. Furthermore, you should accept what life gives rather than useless resistance. It is necessary to admit that we all make mistakes sometimes and that even the best of us may do something stupid that results in harsh consequences.

However, this doesn't mean that we are bad people, that what we have done is inexcusable, or that we can’t be trusted again. Rather, know very well that forgiveness may require some time, as it needs strength and solidity. When you forgive, you love with all you might and a wonderful healing light shines around you.

Forgiveness and genuine compassion get you to a state of gratitude and sincerity toward the experience you have been through, and you will be thankful to those who hurt you. 

5. Focus only on what can be changed

You have to realize that not everything in life is destined to be modified or fully understood. So, live your life, learn to let go, and don't waste your energy worrying about things you can't change. Focus mainly on what you can change.

If you can't change what is bothering you, then change how you feel about it, review the options you have, and rephrase the things you don't like as a starting point toward achieving a different goal in your life.

6. Focus mainly on the present moment

The present moment is now, the past is just a memory, and the future is a prediction or mental prognosis. You can dwell on the past to reflect happily and learn from your past experiences, or you can dwell on the thinking and focus on the future to envision, imagine, and plan action.

However, when your consciousness drifts or is dragged too far into the past or future for negative ends, you are killing your chance of success and prosperity in the present moment, which is the only moment you will ever have.

Here is a truth that you can feel free to believe and follow. And it is that the past and the future do not literally and unquestionably exist in the present moment.

7. Accept your quirks and the fact that life is a lesson to be learned

Life is a journey, and the people around you or your surrounding circumstances may change, but you will always be the same. So, stay true to yourself, and never dare to sacrifice your identity and personality for anyone or anything.

Rather, you have to have the guts and the courage to be yourself in the present moment that you are living in right now, no matter how strange or odd that nature or personality may turn out to be.

It is about realizing that you will become a little stronger even when you are at your weakest if you are ready and willing to learn and gain experiences, and that is why sometimes the greatest result of all your problems, troubles, and relentless efforts is the person you become after passing them, not what you reap in return.

8. Reinforce your self-worth

The hardest part of life's journey might often be convincing yourself that your life is worthwhile. As a matter of fact, you are. Therefore, keep that in mind as the world will respond to you and treat you in the desired way when you believe that you deserve the blessings that you have. Furthermore, positive change will start happening in your life once you acknowledge your self-worth, contrary to what you have always believed.

Accordingly, monitor your thoughts and put an end to any self-doubting ideas. Remind yourself that in one honest, spontaneous moment, you were able to recognize yourself as an important, trustworthy, respectful, all-good person who could be a loyal friend to all.

9. Pay less attention to other people's judgments and opinions

Most people are quick to judge others in a desperate attempt not to be judged and criticized themselves. In other words, people's judgments and opinions are superficial and based on their lack of self-confidence and lack of stability. Hence, it is not worth worrying about. And frankly, no one has the right to criticize or judge you anyway.

It is possible that some people have heard some stories about you or your circumstances, so they believed that they know you well. Consequently, you have to forget what they say about you or what they think about you and ignore all of that. Rather, focus on your feelings towards yourself, and continue on the path that you feel is the best and most appropriate for you in this life.

10. Add some kindness and goodwill to whatever you do

In one's life, there are three important things. The first, as well as the second and third, are all about showing people kindness and compassion. You can do anything more effectively and efficiently when you add kindness and humanity to it, and any word you utter can be more persuasive and powerful when expressed with goodwill and tenderness.

Furthermore, your good deeds and benevolence towards others in a single moment can have a life-lasting positive effect, as your days will become brighter and full of love when you add kindness and tenderness to your life goals. Accordingly, you are truly choosing to live in a happier and less stressed world by making the decision to be kind and benevolent every day.

11. Enjoy life’s blessings

You can picture life as a bowl of fruit, some may be spoiled and rotten, while others may be ripe and delicious. It is your duty to look through this bowl to throw away the decaying ones that represent what is bad and corrupted in this world, while you enjoy the good ones by standing by your values.

Hence, you don't have to feel confused because of other people's behaviors which may be counter to your own because eventually, you will realize that there are two types of people in this world.

The first type is the ones who choose to ignore good manners and values that ripe fruit represent in the aforementioned example, and who in turn flounder in their own bad deeds, spreading them along as they go. While the second type of people- such as you- choose to throw away those rotten fruits and instead enjoy the benefits of life by upholding their morals and principles.

 In conclusion

Giving up or letting go of something is not the same as giving in. Rather, it is discarding any obsessive attachment to people, outcomes, or certain situations. Furthermore, it is living every day of your life as the best person you can be and doing your best to do so without any fixed expectations.

So, set goals and aspirations for yourself, dream, and take targeted actions to achieve your dreams, and seek to build strong and wonderful relationships with the people around you. However, distance yourself from the image that you think life should be and go according to it.

The energy of a person who aspires and strives to create something wonderful in their life, armed with the grace of letting go, is much more powerful, influential, and beneficial than the energy of a person who is determined to achieve results with a desperate and desperate mentality that believes in the inevitability and necessity of obtaining those results after making a certain amount of effort.

Letting go gives us the joy and inner peace we need, and allows us to remember that our external life is a reflection of our psychological state and inner existence.