Without Your Energy, You're Nothing But Ashes: How Do You Deal with Energy Vampires?

Maybe you've experienced a situation where you were looking forward to meeting a friend for some quality time, but after the meeting, your energy levels were at an all-time low.

You don't know why this happened initially, but after several encounters, you realize that your friend only talks about their own problems, and you hardly get a chance to speak. If this type of situation sounds familiar to you, it's possible that you've dealt with what's known as an energy vampire. In this article, we will precisely explain who an energy vampire is and how you can better deal with them.

Who Are Energy Vampires?

At times, we all share our frustrations with our close friends, and this is a positive practice as it reminds us that we don't have to face everything alone. Seeking support from those we are close to can be comforting. However, it's crucial not to completely neglect the needs of our friends and colleagues in the process.

Energy vampires, also known as energy thieves, continually consume the time and attention of others without considering the person they are interacting with or whether that person might be having a bad day. What matters most to energy vampires is addressing their own fears and attracting attention to gain sympathy.

Who Are the Victims of Energy Vampires?

Energy vampires are less drawn to specific individuals; therefore, the question is, "What behavior invites others to unload their problems on us and drain our energy?”

1. When You Have a lot of Empathy and Few Boundaries

Often, people who aren't doing well in their own lives find it challenging to pay attention to the needs of those around them. To better understand this, think back to a time when you felt significantly distressed, perhaps when you were in love or going through a period of uncertainty. Do you remember how powerful and overwhelming your thoughts and emotions were and how limited your ability to support your friends during that time was?

Energy vampires ultimately seek attention or validation. Therefore, individuals with strong empathy are particularly susceptible to being exploited by them. This is because empathetic individuals often listen to others' problems with great interest, and it can be challenging for someone with a high level of empathy to set boundaries with others and focus on their own needs. Energy vampires may notice this either unconsciously or consciously, and as a result, they are strongly drawn to work with empathetic people.

2. Acting Like a Superhero

Believing that one must save everyone can lead to difficulties when dealing with energy vampires. While wishing the best for others and desiring to be with them is a wonderful trait, your most important mission should be taking good care of yourself. This is not selfish but necessary to ensure that you remain content and mentally and emotionally healthy.

How to Deal with Energy Vampires?

Even if you find yourself engaged in behaviors that attract energy vampires, it doesn't mean that you can't implement some important tips to take better care of yourself.

1. Listen to Your Gut Feeling

In the beginning, it's essential to recognize energy vampires, and your inner feeling is usually the best alarm system. Do you feel negative emotions like tension, pressure, or even anxiety in their presence? Then it's worth taking a close look at the situation.

Consider whether you frequently experience these feelings when spending time with this person. Also, ask yourself how the give-and-take dynamic appears in your relationship with them. It doesn't necessarily have to be perfectly balanced all the time, but it should be relatively close to equilibrium over an extended period.

2. Talk to Other People about This Issue

If you're not sure whether your friendship with someone is negative, it can be helpful to have a conversation with a third party. Having someone who is not directly involved can assist you in looking at the situation objectively. A distant or objective perspective can be useful in cases where we are not certain, helping us evaluate the situation more objectively and from a different angle

3. Initiate a Clarifying Conversation

If you come to the conclusion that the other person's behavior is not suitable for you, it's always advisable to have a clarifying conversation. As with all clarifying conversations, it's important not to blame the other person but to express your feelings and thoughts and request clarification. For example, you can say, "You often talk about yourself so much that we only have a few minutes for my topics, and at the end of our meetings, I feel like I didn't get enough space to talk."

4. Distance Yourself If Necessary

If the clarifying conversation doesn't lead to the desired change, distancing yourself from the toxic person can be an important step, even if they are close to you. However, taking emotional care of yourself is much more crucial than avoiding the toxic individual.

This suggests that you might be contemplating the significance you want to assign to that relationship in your life. How much are you willing to invest in it when you receive so little in return? When you have a clear understanding of your expectations, it becomes easier to either terminate toxic relationships more swiftly or establish more explicit boundaries.

Seven Steps to Confront Energy Vampires

1. Avoid Negative People

"Nothing is suitable; everything is wrong, and it will end badly anyway." If you are surrounded by people with negative thinking who repeat such statements, you may find yourself unintentionally drawn into the whirlpool of negative thoughts. Don't be surprised if you feel in a bad mood and dispirited. For your mental and emotional balance, it's better to surround yourself with people who have a positive outlook on life and don't use you as a constant sounding board for their complaints. Of course, a bit of venting among friends and talking about problems can be helpful, but you should be cautious about those who are consistently pessimistic.

2. Debt Repayment

You still owe your colleague €20 for a lunch you had three weeks ago. Debt, regardless of the amount, whether it's a utility bill or a substantial loan, can be a burden. Psychologists recommend paying it off as soon as possible to experience greater freedom and relief. On the flip side, it's important to always request repayment promptly to prevent the issue from turning into a problem. However, if you know that it's unlikely you'll ever see the borrowed money again, it's best not to worry too much about it and let it go.

3. Keeping Promises

Have you ever made a promise and then failed to fulfill it? It's natural to feel guilty in such situations, and others may be disappointed and lose trust in you, which can strain relationships. Therefore, it's important to be cautious when making promises. If you know in advance that you won't be able to keep a promise, it's better not to make it in the first place. People often appreciate honesty and reliability more than empty commitments.

4. Delegating Tasks

What do you enjoy in life, and what tasks stress you out significantly? You can simply delegate those undesirable tasks to someone else. It's important to know that you don't have to do everything on your own. Some tasks may be enjoyable to others, and in return, you can take on tasks that others may hesitate to do.

5. Rest and Work

The key is finding a balance between work and personal life. Simply put, working tirelessly won't be sustainable in the long run. At some point, exhaustion will set in. It's important for anyone who notices they are becoming exhausted to have some rest without feeling guilty. If you realize that you need a break, you should heed that impulse.

6. Cleaning and Organizing

You can barely find your computer keyboard amidst the clutter on your desk, and dirty dishes are piling up in the kitchen. Chaos and poor organization are energy killers. On the other hand, a clear and organized environment helps create a focused and energy-filled mind. Applying this principle of orderliness is not limited to daily life; it can also be applied spiritually. So, clean up emotional clutter, let go of the past, and live in the present.

7. Maintaining Health and Fitness

Schopenhauer once said, "Health is not everything, but without health, everything becomes nothing." The body requires care and attention, and this is the only way we can live an energy-filled life. To maintain good health, it's essential to give your body the necessary rest, follow a healthy diet, engage in regular physical activity, and visit your doctor regularly.

In Conclusion

It's helpful to know that such behavior can be annoying and harmful to you. However, it's important to keep in mind that these individuals typically don't act with ill intentions, but their impact on you can be overwhelmingly negative. This is something they may not understand or comprehend. It doesn't mean we should simply accept this behavior because it's detrimental to us. Still, it helps us better understand energy thieves.