Seven Suggestions to Help You Refuse Requests You Don't Want to Accept

I've never been good at turning down requests from other people. Partly because I didn't want to get them into trouble, because I didn't want to let them down, and partially because I felt that saying "no" might sour my relationships with other people. I didn't want to endanger my friendship with them.

Note: This article is by Celestine Chua, who tells us about her experience of how to reject some things in life to make room for more important things. 

The reality of saying "yes"

Although answering "yes" might have seemed like a simple solution to the aforementioned issues, it was a terrible idea. Saying "yes" has long-term effects, despite the fact that it offers immediate relief in the short term from avoiding conflict with others and dealing with uncomfortable feelings. Because whenever we say yes. it causes us to put off our most important tasks. So bear the following in mind:

• Every time you say yes to things you don't really enjoy, you are saying no to things you do enjoy.
• Every time you say yes to things you're not interested in, you're saying no to goals you could be working on.
• Every time you say "yes" to meetings that often neither advance nor delay in your life, you refuse to spend time with the people you truly care about.
• Every time you say yes to the interests of others, you say no to the things that are most important to you.

I therefore agreed to almost everything when I first started my job, including meetings, communication sessions, interviews, and workshops. This worked for the first few years, but as my job grew and became more well-known, I found myself having to deal with requests, invitations, and demands that were beyond my physical and mental capacity. In addition, I frequently got requests for things I didn't really care about from people who were innovating at the time.

My days are suddenly taken up with doing things for other people; I'm meeting people and answering their questions about what I do, but I'm not making any progress on my own tasks; Instead, I'm busy conducting interviews and responding to emails in order to assist people, work with others, and offer free advice on people's problems—all without making time for my own projects.

My job soon started to burn me out, and the demands of others made me feel as though my time no longer belonged to me. I was miserable and worn out to the bone. I then understood how crucial it could be in some circumstances to say "no"

Why is rejection required?

In a perfect world, we would agree with everyone, but saying "yes" only to settle a dispute or prevent conflict is not a good idea. To accomplish the following, you must learn to say "no":

1. Accomplishing

The reality is that each of us has a finite amount of time in the day, and unless we say "no" to other things, we won't have enough time to complete our tasks.

2. Make time for the important things

There are some long-term goals that are extremely important, but they are never urgent. Examples of these goals include discovering your purpose, developing your five-year vision, pursuing your passion, and even launching your own business. By refusing, you can safeguard your important long-term objectives and guarantee that you have enough time for them.

3. Defining limits

Some people might believe that you are always available, that their requests are the most urgent, or that you should only focus on them; however, this is untrue. People will continue to believe that you are always required to give if you do not decline their requests or place restrictions on them. Rejection is about setting boundaries and protecting yourself from others.

4. Regaining control over your life

In order to create the life you want, you must take back control of your life and schedule by saying "no" to specific things. By doing this, you can reject anything that doesn't align with your goals and make you happy.

Your time, energy, happiness, and goals will eventually be affected by accepting things that are not in line with your priorities. Even though each thing you accept may have a minor impact, saying "yes" repeatedly to requests from others over time will keep you from getting where you want to be in life.

You must refuse in order to say "yes" and create space for your own tasks in order to avoid all these unfavorable consequences and deviate from your desired course.

How can you say no?

Saying no has two objectives: to say no proactively and to say no gracefully. Here are seven suggestions for saying no:

1. Be sincere

It is better to reject requests right away rather than delaying action because the longer you wait, the more complicated the situation becomes. This puts additional pressure on you to provide an explanation for your delayed response. So, be sincere and short.

When it's difficult for me to decline someone's request, I'll say "Sorry, I can't," then explain why in a second sentence. You can stop there if you don't want to explain why.

Saying no is simpler if you condense your objection into two sentences because you get right to the point rather than rambling on about why you can't do something, which causes you to put off saying no. Even if you end up answering in three, four, or more sentences, the first two sentences will aid in getting you going. The following are some examples:

• “I'm sorry, but I have to cancel this appointment.”
• “I'm sorry, but I have to pass up this opportunity.”
• "Thank you for thinking of me, but this does not meet my needs at the moment."
• "I'm busy and won't be able to do it."

2. Be truthful

We frequently fear that if we refuse someone's request, it will damage our relationships with them. As a result, we give in and agree to their request or soften our response and say "yes."

It turns out that the majority of people are willing to accept rejection as long as it is communicated honestly and without deception. For instance, you could say, "I am not available to meet anyone from now until such a month because I am busy with something," or "This is not commensurate with what I want to do it now, sorry."

I once received an invitation from a prominent person to join the House of Councillors, but I wanted to turn it down. I didn't have a good reason, and I wasn't preoccupied with anything else. I just wanted to concentrate on my own business.

After worrying about this for a few days, writing an email and re-editing, I decided to be honest and tell the truth that getting involved in this would distract me from my own projects, and I wouldn't want to get involved in it if I couldn't give it 100% of my attention, and then I clicked "Submit" button.

I received the reply within one day and that person told me that my email made them happy, that they totally accepted it and that I didn't have to worry about it at all.

Focus on being honest in your response rather than lying or making excuses because often our fears about other people are unfounded. If the other person is understanding, they will accept your explanation; if not, what they are expecting from you is beyond your capacity. You'd better not put yourself under such pressure in the first place.

3. Keep your attention on the request rather than the person

In the past, I struggled with rejection because I didn't want to reject the person. When I was a child, my mother wasn't there to support me. It inspired me to support and advocate for others. However, as I already mentioned, accepting everyone's requests left me feeling worn out, miserable, and completely exhausted.

Saying no teaches you to concentrate on the request rather than the person. To put it another way, I learned to consider the request and determine whether it fits into my plans rather than feeling compelled to say "yes" out of fear of disappointing the person. Can I accomplish this? Can I do this right away? Can I accomplish this given everything else on my to-do list without sacrificing my other obligations?

I will decline the request if "no" is the response to each of these queries. It's not about the individual. It's not personal; it's just about the request, and I can't do it right now. When you only consider requests, you can objectively reject requests that don't agree with you rather than feeling pressured to say "yes" just to please others.

4. Be upbeat

Although we have been taught to associate rejection with negativity and that saying "no" will result in conflict, it is actually possible to say no while still maintaining a positive relationship. The key is knowing how to say no.

First, try to realize that rejection is a necessary component of human communication and to stop associating it with negativity. Your reaction will unintentionally be negative if you view rejection as a bad thing. There is no need to feel bad, guilty, or concerned about the other person's feelings; this does not imply that you should respond crudely, but you also shouldn't be preoccupied with what other people are feeling.

Then, when you reply "no," be sure to calmly explain your circumstances and let the other person know how much you value their invitation or request but are unable to accept it for some reason. Perhaps you have a lot of obligations, work, or you just don't have time. If you can, you might want to assist or participate, but that's not something you can do.

Even though you say no to the person's request, leave the door open for a future meeting and let them know they can always get in touch with you to meet, work together, explore options, and so forth.

5. Offer an alternative remedy

This is optional, but if you are aware of a substitute, offer it. For instance, if you know someone who could assist you, offer their contact details with that person's consent, of course. This should only be done if you are aware of a substitute and should not be done to make up for declining the request. Alternative solutions are not your responsibility to find for the other person.

6. Don't be responsible for other people's emotions

In the past, I avoided rejection a lot because I didn't want to hurt other people's feelings. I was concerned about other people's feelings and didn't want them to be in pain.

As a result, I made sacrifices for other people's happiness by working late many nights to complete my work. I prioritized the needs of others over my own and had no other time to complete my own tasks than at night, which was bad for my health and security.

We must draw a distinction between helping others and helping ourselves at some point. We must safeguard our health and safety in order to help and serve others; therefore, do not hold yourself liable for the emotions of others, particularly if they react negatively to your justifications for rejection, expect you to be on their side, and do not accept rejection.

It's good if the other person understands why you said no but do not give it too much thought if they don’t. If the demand is greater than what you can supply, you are free to move on with your life.

7. Be ready to let it go

You should reassess the relationship if the other person doesn't respect your needs and expects you to always say "yes." People say "yes" even when they don't accept it, before showing resentment and complaining about it later. This is because we often try to maintain harmony at all costs, which is why we prefer not to say no.

However, if a relationship drains you, consider whether this kind of connection is what you want; A healthy relationship is one in which both partners support one another and where giving is not limited to one while the other person constantly asks and receives.

Relationships where I'm not myself drain me because the other person expects me to accept everything and gets upset if I don't. The possibility of rejection makes the other person unhappy in these relationships. It makes no difference how you tell them "no" because all they wants is your approval.

If you are dealing with such a person, the question for you is, is this relationship worth preserving?

• If the answer is no, then it's simple, give it up.
• If this is an important relationship for you, tell the person about the problem.
• They probably don't know what they’re doing, and a frank, honest conversation will tell them that.