Do Not Compare Yourself to Others

Today's world is going through some odd events. All media channels are taken over by those who claim to fight for social justice.

People's Twitter and Facebook posts are scrutinized, and even their audio recordings are cut out and used against them out of context. Because of this, all human beings are compelled to pretend to be sympathetic to all issues.

It's okay to have empathy for others. On the contrary, your sincerity is really important, yet the situation is now intolerable. Given that everyone wants a society that is more inclusive and equal, equality and inclusion have started to move in the wrong direction. Everyone in it has an equal chance to achieve their goals, but when equality based on the comparison principle rules, everyone has lost their sense of common sense.

Why do you always compare yourself to others?

How do you know that you are a successful person? This is just a simple thought experiment. Try hard to answer the question. You might define success as a big paycheck. This is because most of your peers do not receive such a salary.

Think about it: if each person was earning $100,000 a year, that salary would not be a measure of success. Instead, the scale would go up to $200,000 or even $300,000. The only reason you might think that a big salary is an indicator of success is that most people get paid relatively less.

One learns about oneself through seeing the similarities and differences between oneself and others. If everyone was equally wealthy, there would be no value placed on riches, just as one cannot appreciate wealth without experiencing the hardships of poverty.

Philosopher Alan Watts says, “I define myself in terms of you; I know myself only in terms of what is 'other,' no matter whether I see the ‘other’ as below me or above me in any ladder of values. If above, I enjoy the kick of self-pity; if below, I enjoy the kick of pride. I being I goes with you being you.”

There is no doubt that you consider $10 million to be a lot of money. This is because there are more people who have never earned this amount in their lives than those who have. If the average per capita income throughout their lives is $10 million, this number will not remain astonishing. Rather, it will become self-evident and humble.

If you were to earn $10 million annually, and the average person earns $50,000, you would know that you are relatively more successful than them. So no matter the situation, you are always comparing yourself to others.

It is just like the crude comparison between black and white. If there were no whites, man would not understand blacks; humans can define anything by comparing it to other things.

How would you describe a movie, TV show, or book? You'll say, "It's just like Star Wars, but it's set in the past," meaning you'll compare it to other blockbuster movies. If there were no space adventure flops, how would you know Star Wars was a great series?

How do you know if a light bulb is bright? You can stare at it for a long time to see if it hurts your eyes, but hurting the eyes is not a prerequisite for brightness. If all the lamps are bright enough to hurt the eyes, then it will become normal. So the brightness of the lamp is determined by comparing it to the brightness of other lamps or even to sunlight.

This ideology is used even with charitable goals. Even if you work with a non-profit organization, you still define yourself in comparison to organizations or individuals who do not do enough good. Alan Watts goes on to say, "The difficulty is that the moment you’re seriously involved (with an organization), you find yourself boxed in some special in-group which defines itself, often with the most elegant subtlety, by the exclusion of an out-group."

You may feel excited about working at your nonprofit, but your positive feelings stem directly from comparison with another group. You might say that others don't help as much as you do or that you feel good when you help these people. This is because they do not have anything, while others have many things. No matter how different the examples are, you always resort to comparison. This is because you only know yourself through the faults of others.

How do you stop comparing yourself to others?

What this all means is that you are completely identified with your “I.” Your “I” is the part of your mind and body that looks at another person and justifies your current life state from this comparison, and your concern about other people's opinions of you is a classic example of how it works.

The ego is the driving force behind our endless cycle of comparing with others, but if you read any of the self-development literature nowadays, you will find that it is the exact thing you need to get rid of in order to achieve happiness, but that creates a paradox.

This is because you need to compare yourself to others to understand yourself, and at the same time, you need to let go of your ego, which basically makes all the comparisons, to be happy.

Black may be your favorite color, and the color you like least is white, but without the hated white, you would never be able to comprehend the beauty of black, and the same principle applies here.

Take sound waves, too, for example. The wave has a crest and a trough. At the top and the bottom, when you hear sounds, what you hear is the silence between the noise or the crest of the sound wave. That is, without the absence of sound, you would never be able to hear any distinct sounds in the first place.

The paradox, then, is that you need to know what other people don't do in order to know yourself. So you have to understand your “I” to notice its absence, and you will ask yourself, then, how can you get rid of the “I” and at the same time have a solid sense of yourself? You must be discerning; accept and reject the ego at the same time.

Alan Watts asks with some bitterness: “Does it really take any considerable time or effort just to understand that you depend on enemies and outsiders to define yourself and that without some opposition you would be lost? To see this is to acquire, almost instantly, the virtue of humor, and humor and self-righteousness are mutually exclusive."

Watts continues by saying: "Humor is the twinkle in the eye of the just judge, who knows that he is also the felon on the dock." Humans are living contradictions; they must remove the ego centered on themselves but, at the same time, use it in order to be able to define themselves against others. Isn't life funny?

Don't compare yourself to others

Life itself is a paradox; it is incomprehensible, and yet, as rational beings, we do our best to understand it and put it into a definite, comprehensible mold. Therefore, the key to the solution is to understand that it is a paradox and that it is something too broad to be understood. So the next time you feel your ego getting the better of you, when you look at someone and think to yourself, "I wish I looked like them," move on, have fun, and have a good laugh.

Your ego may oppose your happiness in a direct way if you believe, of course, in the current trend in philosophy and self-development, but it is necessary to know your personal identity. So don't try to resist it; rather, thank it for the insight it gives you, just like you thank the darkness of the night for making you realize the beauty of the morning sun.

The next time you feel like you are in the company of someone better than you, or even the other way around, know that these thoughts are not your own; rather, they stem from the ego.