7 Tips for Self-Control

How do we control ourselves?

The answer will vary according to the person you are asking. Some of us point out that being able to control oneself entails a lifelong quest, and unfortunately, this ability is not an innate talent and is not easy to obtain.

It is rooted in the conscious application of your knowledge to make better choices in your life, and you cannot resort to tricks to accelerate the acquisition of self-control.

In short, it requires experimenting, making mistakes, learning from them, and persevering, and this is the real secret—if it is a secret at all—and undoubtedly the spiritual path. While some of us may suggest a more pragmatic approach, both approaches are valid in practice; they are both necessary and ultimately lead to the same destination.

Self-control is about building a sense of inner stability that negative influences cannot shake, and this is not an individual quality but the sum of all your thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

Tips to help you with self-control

1. Start taking responsibility for your actions

You cannot deny the impact of your actions on yourself and others, and when you refuse to take responsibility for why things don't turn out the way you want them to, whether in your personal or professional relationships, career, or even hobbies, you find yourself in a state of stagnation. If you cannot look at yourself with the eyes of a critic, you will never find the solution to your problems.

You will not be able to blame others forever and continue to develop as a human being; your responsibility is non-negotiable, and accountability begins with internal introspection and honesty with yourself to find out what led you to this situation.

If you do not get where you want to be, ask yourself, “When did this problem first begin?” No one else will be able to save you; only you can bring yourself back on track. Playing victim will not benefit you.

2. Use your “failures” as an opportunity to improve

You will face setbacks throughout life, but you can always turn them to your advantage. The key feature that sets the successful apart from those who fall in the middle of the road is how they respond. Life is a learning experience.

Of course, you will not be successful every time you start something new, but what you always lack is persistence and perseverance. Mastering a new skill takes nearly 10,000 hours, in which you will make a lot of mistakes, but even if you need to change your course completely, do not look at these efforts as useless or failures. Rather, use your hindsight to make better decisions in the future.

Take advantage of your failure, change the way you think, and turn your mistakes into an opportunity to progress. Instead of asking yourself, “Why me?” Ask yourself: “Why now? What will this experience teach me?”

3. Avoid instant gratification and focus on future results

One of the unfortunate side effects of modern technology—and social media—is the desire to experience everything in the moment. It is natural to want to eat meals when hungry and open government departments on time. But today's world is quickly changing, making us want everything in the present moment.

However, there is always a way to have a thoughtful experience in life, which lies in delaying satisfaction and then liberating yourself from your urgent desires.

This delay will allow you to invest your energy in crafting a more accurate and clearer future vision, and eventually, this will lead to greater rewards; Certainly, living in the present moment has its appeal, but if this becomes your default position, you risk being biased toward instant gratification, and here you may lose the ability to be flexible, which may lead to tension in your relationships and emotionally charged decisions that you may regret later.

4. Replace the idea of “hope” with positive action

Hope does not seem harmful, but if you invest too much of yourself in the concept that everything will “work out,” it will divert your attention from what you can do right now and turn your hard work into wishful thinking.

What turns hope into such a negative emotion is that it is rooted in a “possible future,” and you can never be sure that what you wish for will be achieved. When it is not achieved, you will feel that this is the end of the world, and hope will turn into despair. The more active you are in improving your situation, the more likely you are to achieve your goals.

So accept your circumstances, but do not give in to them. You can always make a difference, no matter how small it seems. Hope has destroyed more dreams than you can imagine.

5. Be an objective observer and use your insight

From an early age, the subconscious mind processes and indexes all your experiences as reference points that will determine your future behavior.

Unfortunately, there is no way around this, and you are too young to realize what is happening. However, later in life, you can change this mechanism, but to do so, you have to become unbiased by constantly practicing the habit of questioning yourself and accepting challenging facts. This allows you to become an objective observer.

This habit, at its core, is more critical than it seems; it is an extended way of practicing mindfulness, and from this perspective, you can transcend yourself and distinguish between what is a real need and what is just a desire. By regularly practicing your ability to distinguish, you create a valuable system of your own that replaces your subconscious mind, creates your own identity, and allows you to perceive the truth, which in turn enhances your problem-solving skills.

6. Leave what doesn't work anymore

Letting go can be a challenging skill to master, but everything has an end, and that can be hard to accept. There is a certain level of comfort in the familiar; we can predict it, but over time, we allow toxic people into our lives, learn negative habits, and hold self-limiting beliefs. Here, we must go through a cleansing process, and we need to rid ourselves of the heavy weight that adds nothing to our lives and only drains our energy.

This is not always easy, and you may have to make some tough decisions about who is really on your side and who is holding you back, or worse, let your self-limiting beliefs keep you in your current place. Keep in mind that when you let go of what doesn't work to your advantage, you're not closing the door on experiments but making room for new experiences.

7. Never believe that you have come to realize everything

The real master never stops learning because one of the best personality traits is the ability to question beliefs. You can expand your knowledge when you speak less and listen more to what others say. Each person has concepts and thoughts based on their unique set of experiences. There are multiple ways to express ideas, and even though there is a lot of common ground, each person expresses them from a different angle.

Perspective is a valuable commodity, and there is no harm in reaffirming an old idea in a new context. So, when you enter into a conversation, leave your ego at the door and be careful to listen first. The moment you think there is nothing left to learn is the moment you begin to lose contact with the world around you. Your assumptions are the root of arrogance, which in turn is a precursor to bias.