5 Key Obstacles to Developing Self-Confidence

From an external perspective, it may seem that confident people never make mistakes and know what to do in any situation they are exposed to.

However, if you observe anyone who exudes confidence closely, you will notice that they frequently make mistakes. How come no one seems to realize their mistakes, though? And what are the five main obstacles that prevent most of us from developing this kind of self-confidence?

Five Obstacles to Developing Self-Confidence

1. Idealism

Idealism works in our minds like a traffic cop with a rod and a whistle, deciding who is allowed to cross and who is not. The majority of us have creative ideas that never get past a traffic cop's barrier.

The more we give up on our ideas because they are flawed, the more we start to feel bad about ourselves and begin to look to other people for idealism. In the words of author Liz Gilbert, “Idealism is just a decorative reflection of fear.”

2. Fear

Most of the time, we lose our self-confidence because of fear. More specifically, fear of unknown outcomes is a reflection of fearing failure. People who like to describe themselves as realists often see that dreams are useless when trying to secure a decent life later and that the unknown future inevitably heads towards a bad outcome.

They see this as a sufficient reason not to take any risks at all. They stress that they live in reality, not in a dream world, even though the probability of a good and bad outcome in any situation is equal. Why do we choose fear instead of believing that things will work out if the chances of either outcome are fairly equal?

Our greatest fear of the unknown is the fear of death. Although we do not know exactly what lies on the other side, the philosopher Socrates says, "No one knows if death is the greatest blessing for man, but men fear it as if they know that it is the greatest evil."

3. Making mistakes

As mentioned above, confident people make mistakes and fail all the time. Let’s think about it this way: The term "mistake" is nothing more than an illusion, and believing in it reveals something about our own interests.

Someone's mistakes may mean success for another who grew up in different family or cultural circumstances. Thinking that we made a mistake indicates that we believe there are "right" and "wrong" outcomes for our actions. That suggests we believe we live in a quite strict world and that the accepted norms are the right way to go.

That is, we determine whether our actions and the actions of others are wrong according to our personal list of acceptable behavior, but most of our judgments do not stem from us in the first place. We follow most of them because we don't know any other way, and most of them are just beliefs inherited from our culture or family.

However, as bold individuals do, when you step outside of your comfort zone, you will find the viewpoints that are truly important to you and gain a deeper understanding of your culture and mentality. You will finally be able to trust yourself and your personal choices to build a happy life, not to please your family or abide by the cultural norms in which you grew up.

4. Negative thoughts

Negative thoughts are not wrong, but they are ultimately useless. They are the main obstacles to our ability to learn, develop, and gain confidence. Some thoughts, such as "I am not good at this," "I am too slow," and "I will never be an expert in this," are actually the reasons that prevent us from progressing and mastering everything we are trying to learn.

If you want to learn to master the piano, you must fight a torrent of negative thoughts before you sit down in front of it. You may think that you are too old to learn this, that it is too late, that it is impossible to become talented, or that you will never be able to compose music.

In such situations, you have to be patient. Experience is not gained overnight, so try to adopt a positive mindset during the journey. After all, the desire to learn, perseverance, and patience are all you need to become an expert in any field. Remember the famous tale about the rabbit who lost the race to the turtle? At that time, the turtle did not have a positive mindset or a distinctive personality, yet it outperformed the rabbit.

5. Feeling useless

Have you ever thought, “Why am I doing this? Who cares if I do it or not?” In fact, even the most skilled people have these doubts at certain moments, and the truth is that most people will probably not care. Someone might, though, and in both cases, you will find pleasure in what you are good at and love. So, why should we chase any goal beyond merely having fun doing it?

If Earth were an hour old, our existence would be a fraction of a second. If that were the case, just imagine how small a fraction of your personal life is. Of course, our lives are important, and we can make them very meaningful. But if you look at the big picture, everyone is doing useless things. Why not continue chasing goals as long as we enjoy them?