20 Mistakes Undermine Your Self-Confidence

Have you ever felt that you are doing your best to achieve your goals and dreams, but you are still in your place, and you think, for example, that you are working hard and doing your best at work, but you cannot reach the promotion you aspire to, or that you are very excited about that date that took place last week, and you think that it went well, but your partner never responds to your calls after that date, or that you are working hard on a new business idea, and consuming a lot of time, effort and energy, but for some reason, this idea never worked?

So, you doubt your abilities and your level of self-confidence drops, and you say in your secret: "What's wrong with me? Amn’t I good enough and smart enough?” Then at other times, you realize that you are not doing enough and well. Still, you are trying to hide it, so you make a smile, and you hope no one will notice how scared and suspicious you are. While acting with confidence and doubts like that may be a good strategy for boosting self-confidence in the long run, you are still sending most of the low confidence signals to decision-makers and essential people in your life.

Your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings translate into noticeable expressions that highlight how skeptical you feel. Unfortunately, low self-confidence is an unattractive and alienating feature for almost everyone, no matter how clever or thoughtful you are, which means it may be the underlying reason why success is so difficult to achieve in different walks of life.

Did you know that 93% of the messages we send to others are through nonverbal communication?

Dr. Albert Mehrabian (Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of Silent Messages, conducted several studies on non-verbal communication and discovered that only 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through specific audio elements, 55% through non-verbal components (such as facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc.). When we remove 7% of audio content, we know how we got a statistic of 93%.

So, if you're going to act confident (whether you feel trust or not), you should first understand what low-confidence behavior looks like.

20 mistakes that undermine your self-confidence:

1. Use weak body language, such as holding your arms, not smiling, looking down, and not making eye contact.
2. Reluctance to talk in groups, whether it's a business meeting, a social setting, or a public situation.
3. Avoid interacting with anyone new, such as not being able to establish new relationships or start a conversation with someone you want to meet.
4. Impaired verbal communication, like speaking in a low voice, finishing sentences with questions, or looking really nervous.
5. Fear of trying new things or facing challenges,like having difficulty taking actions that expand your comfort zone or even feel somewhat uncomfortable, even if you know it will improve your life.
6. Reluctance to ask for what you want or need, like inability to express your desires with confidence because you don't feel worthy.
7. Clinging to the failures and mistakes of the past, like delving into the negative thinking and embarrassment of what happened a long time ago.
8. Lack of confidence in your decision, like feeling that your ability to solve problems, make decisions, brainstorm ideas, or take firm action is poor or not as good as your peers.
9. Indecision,like not trusting your decision enough to start knowing what you want.
10. Allowing others to make decisions for you, like allowing the opinions of others to dictate your reality.
11. Imagine that you are not successful enough, like feeling afraid of people who are perceived to be more successful or accomplished than you.
12. Feelings of jealousy or resentment toward successful people, like turning your fears and eagerness to achieve something into negative emotions and behaviors toward others.
13. Express lack of motivation to act, like feeling depressed or defeated and seeing the action as useless or too challenging.
14. Practice self-sabotage, like creating a situation that makes it impossible to achieve success, so you have an excuse to fail, or to justify why others feel sorry for you.
15. The need for constant external support not only in personal relationships but from bosses, co-workers, teachers, clients, and peers.
16. Fear of rejection, like constantly worring that others will intentionally avoid or hurt you.
17. Feeling embarrassed about how others perceive you, like feeling painfully ashamed and uncomfortable about your intelligence and appearance.
18. Too much focus on physical appearance and defects, for example the constant need to check your appearance, compare yourself to others, or obsess over parts of your face or body to the detriment of everything else.
19. Not setting personal boundaries with others, like letting others take advantage of you because you don't have the confidence to refuse others' requests.
20. Excessive desire to help or please others, like complete disregard for your values, needs, or wishes to win the affection and approval of others.

Do you see yourself in any of these behaviors which express your low self-confidence? If  that's the case, unfortunately, you're sending signals to those around you that you don't deserve or can't step up to take responsibility for whatever situation you're facing. If you don't seem confident to those around you, they won't trust you very much. Moreover, when these people show they don't trust you, yourself-confidence automatically drops.

7 Steps to Increase Self-Confidence:

What can you do to change these behaviors that express your low self-confidence to start taking action and regain your self-confidence? Luckily, trust is a skill that can be learned and developed, as any other skill. It involves understanding specific actionable steps and practicing them until you acquire that skill.

Here are seven important steps to get started:

1. Awaken awareness:

You can't change what you refuse to face. It is why the first step to any change is self-awareness. You must realize what the problem is and how it appears in your life, and what actions, ideas, and choices you are weakening your self-confidence and making in your life now. In  what areas of your life might you be perceived by others as weak or unstable? Be  honest with yourself and acknowledge the part where you need to boost your self-confidence.

2. Search for the cause of self-doubt:

Once you have identified the part where you lack confidence, dig deeper and try to discern why. For exampple, was it something exciting that happened in your childhood or the recent past that undermined your self-confidence? Is this still true in your life? Most  of the time, it is just the memory of the pain of the past that keeps us stuck in a state of low self-confidence, but there is no longer any truth to that event at all, and your realization of this brings you back to the helm and control again.

3. Redefine the current reality of your life:

If the previous event that caused your pain is no longer a reality, look for evidence that contradicts the event and for the true positive attitudes that exist in your life now, which reflect confidence and strength. It is likely to be a lot if you look around carefully. In other words, train your mind to see the good in everything, talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems, and look for things that you can smile about now.

4. Organize a real schedule of positive actions:

If you realize that you need to do something to improve yourself, your skills, or your comfort level in a situation, determine quite what needs to be done and create a list of appropriate actions.You might need to change your job, or perhaps you need to meet a counselor to help overcome the deep wounds of the past or insecurity. Find everything that needs improvement, discover the first step and then add it to your routine, then let the first step lead you to the second step, add it, and so on.

5. Practice self-confidence:

If you boost your self-confidence, you will reduce your fear. So, in small, manageable situations, practice acting with confidence. If you don't feel like it, speak in a meeting, introduce yourself to someone new, or challenge yourself to do something outside your comfort zone. When you take action and succeed in these small situations, you will feel more confident, and your growing confidence will allow you to take more critical and cost-effective procedures in the long term.

6. Study the positive side of failure:

Former UK Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” You need to know that this is true. It does not mean you have been defeated only because you have faced multiple defeats. Failure is the spice that gives success its flavor. Every wrong turn you take is a necessary part of your journey to growth and eventual success. You can take what you learn from failure to the next attempt to ensure a greater chance of success in the future.

7. Focus on contribution:

Sometimes we get caught up in ourselves, focus more on our own perceptions, and do not focus enough on the needs of others.  It makes us feel as if the world revolves around us only, and among other side effects, it also makes us more focused on our flaws. So, free yourself from your thinking and focus more on the contribution to others. Doing so will help you reduce anxiety about your flaws because of less focus on yourself. It will increase your self-confidence and allow you to contribute to the happiness around you. When you witness the positive effects of your contributions, you will be rewarded with an increase in your sense of self-worth.

By paying attention to your behavior that produces low self-confidence, you are not only paying attention to the parts of your personality in which you need to improve and strengthen your self-confidence but also beginning the redefining process of how others perceive you. Confidence is the most attractive quality you can possess. Don't allow low self-confidence to get you down and undermine your potential.

In conclusion:

Remember that it's not about how smart you are or how well you know, but it's about taking action and using what you know to change the way you live. Do something today to become a confident, successful, and happy person, and by reading this article, you're already halfway there.