Tips to Help You Stop Thinking About What Other People Think of You

Do you care a lot about what other people say, or do you often think about other people's actions? I'm not the only one who struggles with this, while it may seem that people only think of themselves, most of us care a lot about what other people think.

Note: This article is by Darious Foroux, and offers 5 tips to help boost your self-confidence.

If you look closely, you will find that anyone is influenced by the opinions and actions of others. To illustrate, we will give you some example:

• The young man who has been going to the gym for years, and always sees that someone else has a better physique than him.
• The girl who does not dedicate her life to her profession, because she is afraid that her friends or family will judge her badly.
• A young man who avoids wearing a uniform because he is afraid of being criticized for his serious appearance.
• A man who is afraid of others' ridicule because his accent is strange.
• A person who is afraid to publish his frank opinion on social media for fear of irritating others.

Examples of this are many and countless, and we cannot believe a person who says that he is not exposed to these thoughts, because we all care about the opinions of others, and this is part of our human nature.

All human beings have the desire to be accepted, which is called the desire to belong. The desire to belong is only a result of the genes that we have acquired through the mechanism of natural selection.

In the Middle Ages, people who did not have the need to belong to a group could not survive alone, and it is still true to some extent in our time, we are social beings by nature, but things have changed, we are able to live our lives with more dependence on self, and we have modern technologies now; That is, we no longer need to be accepted by everyone now.

Back in ancient times, we find that man needed to be accepted by all the individuals around him, but today we have more ability to live in isolation from others, if others do not accept us as we are, we are still able to continue our lives without them.

So the ability to live our lives without paying attention to what others say or do is possible, so how do you do it? How do you reduce your concern for the opinions and actions of others?

Tips to help you achieve this

1. Get rid of the illusion that your belonging determines your value

I've always loved being in a group. In high school I was a member of a group we called "The Cool Guys" and we would hang out together and we wouldn't let anyone join us. When you're a member of such groups, you gain a false sense of power and status.

This group model is still prevalent wherever you look around you, in the office, in the family, in clubs, and now on social media, and everyone wants to be part of these perceived groups.

So that, I think in this day and age the need for a person to be part of a group in order to feel like a wonderful person is pathetic, it is something that expresses a childish need to be accepted, you do not need as an adult to be a member of a group, it is enough to have your family, some good friends, your profession and some hobbies, and that's really enough.

I avoid groups; That's why I didn't become a member of a group for bloggers or writers, not because I have a problem with other writers, but just because I don't have the need to be a member of a group.

In order not to confuse the reader's concepts, we emphasize that it is not a shame for a person to search for peers to chat with, most people like that, but do not, under any circumstances, make your identification associated with a group regardless of what it is.

2. Have a mission to live for

One of the reasons we are drawn to groups is the feeling of uncertainty. In this case, we are evading the responsibility of setting the rules for our lives, and blindly imitating what group members do based on their belief system.

Because you are joining a group, you must adopt the perspective and principles of its members, here, there is a possibility that their beliefs will align with yours, but what happens is that most people change their principles and beliefs to fit the beliefs and principles of the group.

But in our contemporary world, you no longer need to adapt in order to be part of a group, and what is the need for that in the first place as long as you know that there are millions of people in the world who adopt the same convictions and principles.

So; Instead of being driven by the need to belong, make your primary motivation the message you want to deliver, and if you don't have a message, don't rush to find it, it's not something you can define in a matter of days.

The late Stephen Covey, author of the book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", explained this idea by saying: “Having a message is not something achieved overnight, but something that happens gradually, so that your message becomes to be your law in life; this means, it is the practical expression of your vision and values ​​in life, and your message becomes the standard by which you measure everything else in your life.

This last part of the quote is very important. Instead of taking other people's standards as a way to measure things in your life which is the reason why we care so much about other people's opinions, you should measure all aspects of your life with your message.

3. Define your core values ​​in life

I have written a lot about how strong we feel when we have core values. Having core values ​​makes us able to measure progress and achievements in our lives based on these values. This is not a new way to live life right. Most successful and happy people in life live according to their values.

Take, for example, Howard Schultz, who served as CEO of Starbucks and was credited with turning that company into the icon in the corporate culture it is today, says of the power of values: “I never wanted to be I am on the list of the world’s richest people, and I never define myself by the amount of wealth I have, but I try to define myself based on my values.”

If you want your motivation in life to be fulfilling your mission rather than a desire to belong, take the time to discover your core values, and you should also have an idea of ​​how you want to live your life.

Having a vision means that you know what you want to achieve, and to achieve it, you will develop a road map, which is the expression of your values ​​in life. When you have a goal (vision), and a plan (core values), you will not care about the opinions of others.

You won't care if other people go out for fun twice a week, buy fancy clothes and cars, talk cute, or have a great muscular build. And you won't care if other people don't like your work and don't support you in your career choices; As you will pursue your dream even if it is not approved by others, you will only care about achieving your goal and fulfilling your mission.

4. Be faithful to your values

There is a big part behind our desire to belong, which is that we do not want to disappoint others, and this is a trap that most kind and reasonable people fall into; I consider myself a nice person, but I don't care what others expect of me or I'm afraid they will be disappointed by my actions.

By others, I mean not only strangers, but even my wife, family, and friends. The only person I do not want to disappoint is me. For example, when I find myself telling a white lie, I feel ashamed of myself, because I have not lived up to my basic values, and also when I do not live in a way that serves my message and soon correct my course.

What you should know is that only selfish people are disappointed by others, but selfless and self-sufficient people are never disappointed by others.

When you do not want anything from others and do not expect anything from them, do you think that someone can let you down? Of course not, I have a philosophy on this that if you feel let down, it's your problem, not the problem of others.

5. Establish close relationships with good people

This conviction is shaped by my relationship with the good people in life. I belong to my family, and I am proud to have two wonderful parents, a devoted brother, and a few close friends to whom I speak weekly.

This is the only affiliation you need, and it helps you avoid depression and loneliness. If you don't have this kind of relationship, strive to have a true affiliation that isn't fake. It is undeniable that this need to have honest people around you is a biological need.

I understand that some people prefer to be alone and not belong to any group, but that is not what I am talking about in this article, and to be clear, trying to belong to fake groups until you feel a bit of satisfaction is a very bad thing, and the healthy alternative is to be part of a family or group of positive people who support each other, and this is critical to your well-being.

We must respect our genes. If our ancestors belong to groups, we cannot ignore that, but since the world has changed, our need to belong has started to conflict with our interest; As we start to care about the opinions of strangers and people who don't care about us, instead of letting those people influence you, gravitate toward people you bond with deeply.

What you will find is that you don't need to be part of other groups anymore, at this point people will want to belong where you belong.

In conclusion

There is no doubt that we do not live in isolation from each other despite all the technological development that the twenty-first century has witnessed.

What we must bear in mind is that the need to have people around us is a natural need, but the belief that other people are the ones who determine our importance and value is a wrong belief, and even poisonous in terms of a person’s relationship with himself and others, it is enough to have some honest people and supporters, and other than that, you only need yourself.