Three ways to achieve success by promoting self-compassion

"I've found in my research that the biggest reason people have low self-compassion is because they're afraid of becoming selfish," says Dr. Kristin Neff. "They think that self-criticism is what keeps them on the right track. Most people get this wrong. This is because in our culture, cruelty to oneself is the path to success.”

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is about meeting your needs and knowing what you deserve and value. It's about containing yourself, being true to yourself, letting go of shyness and being bolder so you can succeed, and loving and nurturing yourself unconditionally.

Positive Psychology states that research shows that although people value belonging above all else, they value their relationship with themselves. However, not everyone comes naturally to self-compassion, and in fact, most people find it hard to see the positive qualities in themselves. It is difficult for many to see themselves as good, qualified, competent, deserving of happiness, and it is also difficult for them to allow themselves to be human.

There is always an inner voice telling you that you should be critical of yourself, but only you have the right to decide what to do and the strength to decide which path you want to take in your life.

Ways to develop self-compassion:

1. Be kind to yourself:

"The butterfly is not ashamed of the fact that it was once a caterpillar," says motivational speaker Anthony Gucciardi.

It's time to be kind to yourself and treat it with mercy when you fall, when you want to give up, when you can see nothing but your flaws, when you feel at your worst. That's when you need it most.

Compassion is when you need to take a break, and this kind of self-care is about resting, not giving up. So make time for yourself; this is about you alone and not what the world wants from you, so do what brings peace to your soul.

Compassion is also about self-forgiveness. So forgive yourself for not already realizing what you should be doing now and for being an imperfect human being.

It is not about perfection; it is about progress; So you don't have to have all the good qualities and qualifications to be an important human being, the world certainly won't stop; But that doesn't mean you have to run like a machine; So find yourself, let yourself feel, and pay attention to your needs.

When you are compassionate with yourself, you must stop using the phrase “I should" because it is a kind of “negative self-talk,” a term coined by psychologist Clayton Barbeau. It means criticizing yourself for what you have achieved so far and what you think you should achieve.

What you tell yourself matters, and if you're constantly telling yourself what you "should" do, you're actually saying everything you don't. This reduces your self-worth and makes it difficult for you to achieve your goals. If you want to help yourself, accept who you are and what you have achieved so that you can benefit from that. It is okay to prefer something to happen, but it is not productive to think of yourself as the only goal or achievement.

You must expect some setbacks to occur and know that overcoming them will help you face more difficulties, and only compassion will bring you back to yourself and help you realize that you are not alone. We can all use a little compassion.

2. Practice positive self-talk:

Someone says, “Don't believe all your thoughts.” Positive self-talk is a type of self-care just by choosing your thoughts. This means that when you have negative thoughts, you can choose to think the opposite. Instead of saying, “I will never be able to do that,” think about ways you can adapt and grow by problem-solving. Try saying, “I will use what I have to do what I can.” This is how you take back control, and for many, that seems easier said than done.

Try to find out where these negative thoughts come from, choose some techniques, and instead of getting carried away by your negative thoughts, you can replace them with positive ones over time.

Go for positive self-talk instead of trying to be perfect. You don't have to beat yourself up to get better results; instead, respect yourself, talk kindly to it as if it's your best friend, and give it some space too. This is because you are a person of value and deserve support, not criticism.

Formulate some positive compliments and make them accurate, strong, and directed. When you feel that you are incompetent, for example, it is enough to say: "I am competent."

The more you say or write it, the more you feel it, believe it, and accept it. This applies to all positive compliments, and it changes the way you take care of yourself; So make a list of compliments that can help you use the phrases with which you describe yourself and also say: “I accept the self-compassion I give myself and I accept recovery.”

Then, when you get the chance, as psychology professor Shauna Shapiro said in her TED talk, "the power of mindfulness is that everything you do gets stronger."  So you should look at yourself in the mirror daily and say, "I love you."

Meditate on these statements daily and watch yourself change. You may have to strengthen your resolve to be able to trust this method, but if all you do is strive, you will become strong. Self-love is the key to true success.

3. Accept vulnerability:

Poet Juansen Dizon says: “When I wanted to be broken, I took care of myself, and that's when I started to recover."

How are you, really? It's time to ask this question, know that it's okay to not be okay. Keep a record of your feelings, rate your mood daily, and feel free to share it with a professional you trust. don't be afraid to ask for help, because when you do, you may have to face your vulnerability.

Being exposed to a fall does not make you a weak person; it makes you wise; So you can try the RAIN technique or the meditation and mindfulness tool on how you relate to your feelings.

Here are the four steps abbreviated to (RAIN):

1. Recognize: recognize what's going on.
2. Allow: allow life to be what it is.
3. Investigate: investigate your inner experience.
4. Non-Identification: Not identifying everything.

Vulnerability requires two elements: acceptance and non-judgment of your feelings when using the RAIN technique. So know what is going on inside you, respond to your feelings, and do not ignore them. You must also name what you feel in order to be able to process it. This is about emotional acceptance and being kind to yourself in the process, and no matter how you feel, things never stop at those feelings. Not knowing a feeling means not knowing its nature; however, you should learn to interpret it more rationally.

It's easy to get caught up in emotional reasoning, a common cognitive distortion where you over-identify with feelings, and the reality may be different than you imagine. It's better to get other kinds of evidence. When you're stressed, train your mind using the RAIN method. After that, you can start to recover. Remember, you deserve this.

Promote self-care for success:

Developing self-compassion means investing in self-care, using the aforementioned three steps as guidelines. When you give yourself compassion, flatter it with positive self-talk and accept vulnerability, you are giving yourself the kindness you deserve. When you love yourself, you are motivating it to self-expansion and contentment in your life, and then you can be the best you can be. If you want to find success, find yourself. Self-compassion is a tool that anyone can use at any time and for anything. Use it today and see what it can do for you.