Ten Behaviors that Indicate Condescension

We all know what it feels like to be with people who don't make us feel good about ourselves. There are different types of people you don't like being around, such as pessimists, whiners, jealous people, and mean people, but when you walk away from someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, know that this person is condescending. People act condescendingly for various reasons, but usually it comes down to insecurity and arrogance.

In this article, we refer to some behaviors that people say are not good. However, it is also important to keep in mind that studies indicate that 75–90% of communication is non-verbal, so when people feel that someone is speaking to them superiorly, the issue is usually as much about the manner of speaking as it is about the speech itself. However, if someone tells you that you are a condescending person.

10 annoying behaviors that you must stop adopting:

1. Explaining what people already know:

We've all had a conversation that was going well and then found ourselves straying into an unexpected one, where you find yourself absent-minded until the person who talks to you finishes their emotional talk about a place you already know, and they talk to you with arrogance and idiocy, and you feel as though they are giving you a valuable gift whenever they put forward an idea, and when you hear them say, for example: “Imagine, he won the Nobel Peace Prize after almost 30 years in prison.” You have such a strong urge to say, “Yes, yes, I know who Nelson Mandela is.”

Exposure to such a situation is disturbing. This is because the other party assumes that you do not have the same knowledge as they do, and it is possible that they have not actually balanced the possibility that you do or don't know what they are explaining. They only know that they know the information, and this is enough for them to talk at length. This behavior is often referred to as "mansplaining.”

It’s important to remember that respectful one-on-one discussions involve reading certain cues from the other person, and if you're not sure they're following what you're talking about, you can always ask, "Are you familiar with what I’m saying?" But most of the time, it's better to give others the chance to speak.

2. Telling someone they always or never do something:

None of us like to be judged and criticized by another person for our behavior. When you make broad generalizations about another person's behavior, it is a way of making them feel quickly judged and misunderstood. Whether you are having a casual conversation or trying to provide useful feedback, the person is more likely to stop talking and get defensive if you tell them they always or never do something.

For example: if you tell someone that they are always late, or that they never clean their room, they will probably feel as if you have defined who they really are, and that will certainly push them to search for contradictory clues, whereas if you tell them: “I noticed You've been running late nowadays" or "It's been a long time since you cleaned your room"

The person you're criticizing is likely to get defensive, but they won't feel like you're assuming they have some flaws.

In addition, not exaggerating when imposing your judgments on others will make them view you as a rational, empathetic, and accepting person of others' differences.

3. Interrupting to correct what others are saying:

If you are talking to a loose talker, you must be careful not to interrupt them to correct what they are saying or perhaps the way they pronounce it. There is no quicker way to break someone's momentum or weaken their self-confidence than to interrupt them and correct an idea they mentioned or a word they pronounce incorrectly. In this situation, you not only make the speaker feel embarrassed but also give off a negative impression of yourself because you're putting someone else in a tight spot.

If the conversation is casual and someone mispronounces a name, word, or idea, there is a good chance that it is not worth correcting. But if you feel that a mistake is worth correcting, such as someone mispronouncing the customer's name, it is better to wait until they finish what they are saying.

4. Saying “take it easy”:

For women in particular, saying “take it easy” is very condescending, as is saying “chill out,” “calm down,” or “relax.” No matter who you're talking to, when you're telling someone to take it easy, you assume that their excitement, anxiety, or response to any matter whatsoever is either exaggerated or incorrect; anyone has the right to express their feelings and reactions.

Men may receive this type of response sometimes, but it happens more often with women. Most men tell women to relax because they perceive their emotional reactions as inappropriate, when in fact women do not feel that they respond emotionally at all.

Research has shown that men tend to perceive women's voices as shrill and emotional, and a Fortune study found that women are 17 times more likely than men to be described as aggressive, so when someone tells a woman to "take it easy," she may feel that this person is telling her that she is exaggerating or acting in a dramatic manner, and this diminishes her experience and makes her reaction look pathetic.

5. Telling someone you "really" like their idea:

Someone might tell you, “You did something clever; I never expected that from you.” Most of us get an important email from our boss that mentions all the things we did wrong and then ends with, “But I think that was a great idea.” This kind of sneaky praise is worse than no praise at all.

If you present a solution to a problem in a meeting, for instance, and someone tells you that “this idea is really good”, it may seem as if they are surprised by your clever addition, but in fact they expect otherwise from you in general. When you like something, you can just say that you like it.

6. Mitigating criticism with a compliment:

Many bosses use this method, which includes starting with praise, then criticism, and ending with another compliment. This method is a way to mitigate criticism, like sugar coating, but the other party prefers the shocking truth to evasion.

You are not obligated to give compliments before offering criticism, but you should provide positive affirmations when the other party deserves them. Praise is much better when it is not accompanied by the word "but".

Instead of a compliment, you can try a feedback method like the one developed by Pixar. They call it "plussing," a technique that allows people to repeat ideas without using harsh language or relying on judgment.

Leadership expert David Berkus wrote that this technique is inspired by the tradition of stand-up comedy. Where the rule never stipulates the use of the word "no", but rather the use of the word "yes" always in "Pixar," which means practicing the adding technique when giving criticism, applying it directly, but always followed by a constructive suggestion on how to tackle the problem.

7. Using titles and nicknames:

Using some titles, especially with people you interact with at work, is not good behavior in general, especially for people in positions of authority. For example, when a manager asks their employees to call them chief or boss, their request may be courtship, but it denotes condescension. The boss may think that she is friendly or nice by calling her employees nicknames like “sweetie” or “dear,” but this may lead to a false intimacy that makes it difficult for employees to speak openly, in addition to these titles being gender discriminatory.

When it comes to interacting with people who provide you with a particular service, whether it's at your job, a waiter in a restaurant, your housekeeper, or a taxi driver, using titles is especially risky.

In a 2019 survey by Men’s Health, 43% of respondents said that when someone calls them “boss,” they feel that the other person is condescending. That's why it's better and easier for you to just know people's actual names and use them.

8. Patting people on the shoulders (to calm down):

This may seem insignificant, but it happens more often than you think, and it's generally not a good idea to touch people who aren't your close family or friends.

Although patting is a better option than hitting, slapping, or pinching, there are certain chances that patting someone on the back or shoulder is perfectly acceptable, but patting on the head is never good. If you pat someone on the head, they will always look at you in a state of confusion, or they may try to remove your hand, and then you will find yourself in a tight spot. It looks like you're looking down on them, so if there's someone in front of you who might be much shorter than you, or they're in a wheelchair or an office chair, and you feel the need to pat their head, drop that idea right away.

9. Showing off for knowing a celebrity:

This is a very old way of expressing your superiority. Whether you are talking about the programmer "Jack Dorsey", or about a relative of the model "Chrissy Teigen," you will always appear with an attitude that confirms that celebrities are very important. It's good to be excited because you found yourself in the presence of a celebrity or a powerful figure, but the problem lies in you showing off for it since when you talk to someone, the implicit message would be: “I know important people, so I am important.” Others are likely to find this behavior condescending and pathetic.

10. Telling someone they should be a better version of themselves:

You may hear the phrase "It's a shame to do that" in all kinds of situations, but it is often considered a condescending phrase. Parents who are angry at their children may use it, so when one adult says it to another, the situation sounds like a scolding. Let's say you're having a political debate and someone says: “God bless you; you know better than that.” In this case, you will feel that the other party belittles your point of view because it is limited and childish. If you don't agree with someone’s opinion, there is no problem in saying that explicitly, and if you don't agree with their lifestyle, you'd better just mind your own business.