Six Tips for Positive Communication

When I was fifteen years old, I enrolled in an English language program in the remote American state of Iowa. Being raised in France and Switzerland, I had little to no knowledge of the English language. In Iowa, I couldn't understand what people were saying to me, and I couldn't express myself, so I couldn't communicate, interact, or even make friends.

Note: This article is based on applied communication professor Julien C. Mirivel, who talks about the importance of positive communication.

Those were among the most difficult months of my life because sometimes I did not understand what was being said to me or I could not verbally express what I wanted to say, but that experience taught me the most beautiful aspects of human communication. When I learned to speak, listen, and communicate, I was able to create a social network around me. It was human communication that liberated me.

Since then, I have spent my entire professional life researching and sharing what I know about effective ethical communication. Some of the questions that have breathed life into my work include: What communication behaviors best embody our potential as human beings? What simple actions help us interact more effectively? What communication behaviors have recurrent and reciprocal effects?

Based on my research, I'm going to share six practical tips you can apply in your life today to improve your communication at work or home. These tips may help you begin to inspire and influence the people around you, as well as grow and transform yourself, allowing you to strengthen your relationships and create a better social world around you.

Six Tips for Positive Communication:

1. Say hello to others:

In the minds of most people, communication is a way to convey ideas. You have an idea to pass, and once you pass it, you have accomplished the goal of communication. However, communication is not limited to conveying ideas; rather, it leads to the acquisition of experiences and the formation of relationships as well. Without it, there are no relationships, and when we communicate, relationships are formed.

The communication process often begins with greetings; it's a simple but important behavior that begins the moment the communication process begins. One of the most disrespectful things a doctor can do, for example, is not greet patients when they see them. When teachers greet their students, this affects the learning process. Hence, the best managers and leaders provide opportunities for communication. They check on their employees, ask about their performance, and constantly work on building relationships.

As part of the “Using Language at the Workplace” project, researchers studied more than 500 emails from two organizations: one had multiple conflicts, low morale, and turnover, and one had a very positive organizational culture; Upon closer inspection, the researchers noticed something startling. Organization emails where employees didn't get along looked like this:

“The meeting starts at 3:00 PM.” Nothing more. However, in the organization where the employees got along well, the emails looked like this:

“Welcome.

I hope you are doing well. I look forward to meeting you at our meeting on Friday at 3:00 pm.

Enjoy your time.

Best regards.

John.”

The content is the same, but the small details that we add help us manage our relationships with others, as they are not just a means of transmitting information. To implement this, take the initiative to communicate with three people whom you do not know very well, but who are stakeholders in your organization.

Choose people in the organizational hierarchy, greet them, ask them how they are doing, connect with them through an online video call, or invite them to lunch. That is, take some time to communicate with them. If you practice this habit, you will be able to establish close relationships with the people around you and expand your network of influence.

2. Seek to discover the unknown:

When we ask questions, we are on a mission to find answers. We put ourselves in a position to discover and learn more out of humility and curiosity.

In general, we can distinguish between closed- and open-ended questions. Closed-ended questions are like, "Do you like blue or yellow?" Open-ended questions, on the other hand, tend to expand and give people the freedom to decide what they want to share and what they don't want to share, such as: "Tell me about some of your favorite experiences in your life" or "What conversations have moved you?"

One way to improve your communication is to learn to turn closed questions into open questions. In annual reviews, for example, it is very tempting to ask, "Was this year a good year?" But what if we flip the question around and say: "How can we help you reach your potential? What can we do this year to serve you and help you grow?" I learned this from one of the organizations that used this method. As the institution was not only able to retain its employees; I was also able to find ways to help them grow internally and build a very positive organizational culture.

As another example, research was conducted with an organization that is trying to help bring about personal transformation in people around the world and help them eradicate poverty in their communities. Instead of asking, "Do you need help?", they start the process of change by asking people, "What are your dreams?" What are your hopes?

3. Compliment others:

The single most important truth in human communication is that what we say and do affects people's present and future. So I think a lot about this as a father of three young children.

Complimenting is just one behavior among many that demonstrate our ability to positively influence people. Sometimes, when I’m training, leaders ask me how many compliments they should give their employees to encourage them to do what they ask of them. But compliments shouldn't be used automatically; instead, they should be a way of life. A compliment is the choice to influence the personalities of others, their future, and their sense of themselves, and in fact, research indicates that we underestimate the effect of compliments on improving the feelings of others.

What's the best compliment you've ever received? What did someone say to you that affected you positively? In my research, I have found that these compliments often come from leaders, managers, supervisors, or teachers. When people we respect compliment us, we take pleasure in what they say and accept it.

To apply this and make your own mark, choose three people you admire and give them a compliment about their strengths, or send an email to your team and say, “I want to celebrate the work you've done, the strength you've shown, especially in your time of adversity.” Positive communication is about wanting to communicate, and as a leader, parent, partner, or friend, you can choose kind, heartfelt words that encourage others and lift their spirits.

4. Say what's on your mind:

The second important truth about communication is that relationships and closeness to others do not express a state that we can maintain; They are something we do, and the way we activate this sense of love and fellowship is through disclosure; That is, revealing the way we think, feel, and our identity honestly.

Not all disclosures have the same function, but they do have some common elements. First, the disclosure must be truthful and reflect the congruence between how you feel inside and what is happening outside. So communication should be real, honest and personal, and reflect what you think and value.

Disclosure should be honest, and most importantly, it should touch our humanity, and the more your experience reflects our common humanity, the more others will understand it when you talk about it.

Research by Robert Ulmer, a crisis communication expert, indicates that when leaders practice an open and honest disclosure, they respond to crises more effectively. In one case he studied, the CEO of a company dealt with a fire that engulfed several industrial buildings by communicating openly with stakeholders, he said, "We will continue to work in this place, we had the opportunity to move to another place many years ago, but we did not do it then and we will not do it now." Being open and honest shows that we care about our stakeholders and that we want to learn from the crisis.

To do this, think of someone you can send a text message to right now expressing your gratitude to them, be open and honest with them, and just say: “You are always on my mind, and I wanted you to know that I am grateful to have you in my life.” Be aware of feelings or thoughts inside you like: Should I do this? Or should I not? How do they react? Despite it all, don't be afraid to express gratitude; This is the disclosure.

5. Encourage support:

I would argue that human connection is as tangible as giving money. We use communication to give love and affection, and when we want to encourage others, we use communication to give people the social support they need to develop and succeed. I believe that we can turn every ordinary moment into an extraordinary moment through what we say and share with others, regardless of our role.

Here is an example from my own career: For many years, whenever my students were struggling, I would always say, "Why don't we just ride the wave a little bit and make peace with our feelings?" And in a very hard year of work, I got to my desk one day and found an email from my wife that said: "Ride the wave, baby," with a Photoshop image of me surfing the wave. I remember that moment to this day.

Such is the power of encouragement that what we say and do not only affects us in that moment but remains a source of support for years to come.

6. Listen to transcend differences:

Learning how to become a better listener isn't easy, but experts agree that it's a common trait of great leaders. If you can choose to listen carefully, you can transcend perceived differences between yourself and others.

You can learn to listen carefully by accepting other people's points of view and not being judgmental of them or their actions. Psychologist Carl Rogers calls this “unconditional positive attention,” a technique for treating people with kindness without conditions. If you want to listen with your whole heart, you must develop deep empathy, looking at other people's points of view not to see if they are right or wrong but to understand their opinions and behaviors.

Finally, you have to learn how to give someone your undivided attention. Leaning your body helps you listen more intently, and if you feel frustrated, put your hand on the table and open it slightly as a physical sign of openness. Listening may be uncomfortable, but there is a lot to learn if we silence everything that is happening inside us and turn our attention to others.

I believe that if you practice positive communication, it will help you grow professionally and personally, to have excellent relationships at work and at home, and to lead more effectively. It affects the relationships you care about, the groups you work for, and the communities you belong to, and if we all do this together, we will build a better society for ourselves and our children.