Secrets of Success on Your Own Terms
Whether we admit it or not, we all want to know the secrets of success and discover the things that will help us achieve our goals, whether at work, in finances, in our relationships, or happiness.
That's why sales of self-help books and productivity have almost doubled since 2013, and the percentage of resumes and memos has risen to 42% in the past few years. We want to study the habits of very successful people and find out how they got to where they are.
Depending on the books we read, there are countless answers, such as communication skills, morning habits, a positive mindset, and a willingness to take risks. However, with all the different and often contradictory information about the secrets of success, how do we know which works with us? And how do we know what advice to follow or what action to take?
Does everyone have their own plan for success? Can everyone follow their own instead of blindly following someone else's instructions?
In this article, we present to you how to discover the true secret of success, but on your own terms:
What are your measures of success?
Knowing your ultimate goal is one of the most important secrets of success. Without a specific destination to think about, we move aimlessly, hoping to arrive somewhere magically. Consequently, it is only possible to have a discussion related to success by taking into account the ultimate goal and the metrics. Without these, how will you know if you are on the right path to achieving your method of success or if you already need to correct the path? And how will you know that you have reached the success you seek?
Success means achieving a goal or goal. Therefore, if we do not have either, it is possible to be successful, and we can only achieve success if we define it first. The definition can give us clues about how to achieve this. For instance, if your goal is to relax on your day off, watching TV mindlessly might work, but more is needed if your goal is to accomplish a lot. Similarly, delaying the trivial task until tomorrow might be the best course of action if you aim to spend quality time with your family today.
Life is based on decisions. You choose one path instead of another and sacrifice one thing to get something else. You may sacrifice going to a party to prepare for the test, spending a vacation with friends to save some money, or giving up watching television to end the work project. However, you can only decide what to choose if you know what success looks like, and you know what success looks like if you know what matters to you.
Success is about values
The first step to success is identifying it. What matters to us is measured. You might not remember your friend's request from your lunch together, but you will remember the significance of the discussion you had at the time. That implies that endless things can always be measured. As a result, the metrics we select are crucial since they indicate our level of success or failure. We evaluate valuable things in life constantly.
In reality, our choices and ideals are strongly reflected in the lives we lead. Our lives reflect our constant preference for other people over ourselves, and our lives also reflect our preference for family growth. Without understanding our values, it is impossible to succeed because they guide our behavior, indicate whether we are making progress toward our goals, and provide guidance on how to turn around.
If you get a job offer with a good salary in a workplace far from your home and appreciate spending quality time with family, do you see this offer as successful? If you already have a lot of fun plans and value free time, are these plans working for you?
Regardless of objective measures of success, if something aligns differently from our values, it does not live up to our definition of success. To determine success for yourself, you must start knowing your own values to be successful in what matters to you.
Values relate to sensitive aspects of your life
How do we already know our values? And how do we know what matters to us? Our values change a lot throughout life or in different situations. When we are young, we value independence, but when we grow up, this principle changes, and we prefer the idea of relationships more. At work, we value creativity, but at home, we value family structure. In addition, how can we be confident that we refrain from imitating the values of others that apply to their definitions of success?
The good news is that our internal guidance system, based on sensitivities, tells us what matters to us. Since birth, we have been sensitive to some things and not others. We have always been sensitive to freedom and independence, and we constantly feel restricted and seek opportunities to feel freer. Perhaps we have been sensitive to belonging and easily neglect and want people around us to feel like belonging. We tend to appreciate what we notice and feel and to feel things we are more sensitive about because sensitivity means we can feel more sense than most others.
Of course, we will have more desires, needs, shocks, and surprises in this area of life because we are more sensitive to it, and we will face these things in every experience in our lives that extends from childhood to the present moment and into the future. They will appear in our significant victories and painful shocks, in the best and worst moments of our lives, and every time we succeed, and every time we do not succeed. It is a reliable and predictable way to achieve success that suits all situations in our lives, and it is one of the secrets of success on our own terms.
Now, all we have to do is identify the sensitive aspects of our lives to be able to define success.
Identify the sensitive aspects of your life to be able to define success
To start identifying sensitive aspects, you need some emotionally impactful stories from your life, noting those aspects and thus noting the values and measures of success that appear in your stories. Therefore, here is a quick exercise to help you start identifying sensitive elements for you:
- Think about the happiest and most successful memory you've ever lived, then draw a picture in your mind, and notice what you see, touch, smell, hear and taste in this scene. Write down every word you felt in this moment; perhaps you felt happy, cheerful, strong, charming, successful, alive, rich, or daring.
- Now, think about one of the most challenging and painful memories you have faced in your life, which you will not be shocked again when you discover that it is unsuccessful, then put a picture in your mind and use all your senses to give it the necessary vitality. Write every word that expresses how you feel at that moment; perhaps you feel sad, abandoned, confused, helpless, lost, or upset; then write next to each word what you want to feel, and perhaps you want to feel happy, connected, clear, motivated, belonging, or excited.
- Examine the two lists of your joyful and challenging times, marking any words that come up more than once. For instance, circle this word if you want to feel connected even in your saddest moments and you feel connected in your happy ones. You can also circle any comparable terms.
You have now started to identify sensitive aspects for you; if you feel all the words you have circled, are they successful? Of course, you will because they are what you care about the most, and therefore, they are the aspects you value.
You can think about the past moments of success and start to see those words, and you can think about the past moments of failure and see what contradicts those words.
While this is a very basic introduction that should help you define success for yourself, there are deeper and clearer ways to identify sensitive aspects.
Secrets of Success
We all have a life full of experiences that define success for us. Those experiences remind us of the things we have succeeded in, from the best friendships to the most significant achievements, and also remind us of the things we have not succeeded in. All we have to do is connect all those experiences and understand the sensitive aspects that determine our successes from our point of view.
The real key to success is to stick to the plan that has worked for you. Your life is already structured around it. Success has perhaps always been on your side when you have communicated clearly, be witty and entertaining, offered clever ideas, and never backpedaled from your positions. If this describes you, you already know the key to your success. You know it will benefit you going forward because you have seen it previously. It is success on your own terms.
We each have our own unique secret of success, and we don't have to imitate anyone else's formula because no one has the same talents, experiences, and sensitive aspects that we do, so recognize your sensitive aspects, discover your secret of success, and then identify it on your terms.