Is There a Positive Side to Not Having a Social Life?

The way to success may be simple. In my own experience interviewing highly successful creative artists, writers, and entrepreneurs, I found one of the most common answers to the question: “How can you be more productive?” This answer was: “Not to have a social life.”

Note: This article is by Madeleine Dore, who talks about the positive side of not having a social life.

Wasting time

Because I work independently and remotely while people at home go to work, I justified the importance of a very active social life as a basic human necessity. However, when it became clear to me how much time I was spending socializing, I realized that maybe I was wrong. I thought I was spending 22 hours or more each week on social activities, so I tried to figure out what would happen to my work, health, and wellness if I got rid of my social life completely.

I knew perfectly well that I was doing social activities under the influence of a phenomenon called fear of missing out (FOMO), the inability to say no, and a way of procrastinating or distracting myself from work. So for one month, I refused all personal activities with friends, such as going out to eat, parties, and non-work events, to see if it would make me more productive and improve my focus and job prospects.

Result after 31 days

On the first day of the month-long experiment, I had to face some deep anxiety about missing out on a lot of activities, and for me, it was often the fear of missing out. When I had so many tempting options available for fun activities, how would I know I was making the right decision? But as the days passed, this fear began to subside, and I began to relax. I only had one option to think about, and that was to stay home.

This limitation made me more comfortable with my decision. I used to get annoyed when I missed an event, but through the experience, I felt happier working, reading, or watching soap operas rather than thinking about other things I could do.

The fun-free schedule also allows for more focused work, which computer science professor Cal Newport defines as the ability to focus without being distracted on a cognitively stressful task. I focused on working during the week at times that were normally reserved for socializing, such as spending Friday nights doing administrative work or writing on Saturday mornings in a coffee shop.

Accept boredom

When I took more time to work, I also noticed a change in my general health and wellness. I started cooking more at home, doing daily exercise, going to bed early every night, reading, and enjoying rest and boredom all day long. Even with cooking and exercise times, having a social life didn’t leave me more free time than I imagined. Boredom and loneliness are often associated with doing nothing.

I accepted doing nothing and enjoying moments of solitude. I went on picnics and sat in cafes alone and daydreamed frequently because I no longer try to fill every void moment. These idle moments are essential for creativity, as mind wandering is linked to creative problem-solving.

When your brain is able to wander, it accesses memories, emotions, and random bits of stored knowledge, says Amy Fries, author of "Daydreams at Work: Wake Up Your Creative Powers" and writer and editor for Psychology Today.

During the experience, I regularly brainstormed new ideas and reimagined existing projects, says Pedro Diaz, CEO of the Workplace Mental Health Institute: “Doing nothing can energize you. As much as spending time with people may invigorate you, it is necessary to feel energized."

A study of 48 people that looked at their mental state, mood, fatigue, and stress over 12 days found that introverted behavior raises people's mood and energy levels. Still, this behavior also led to increased fatigue afterward. Although it is a small sample, it supports the idea that focused activity, whether it is social contact, work, or study, has an effect.

This observation raises an important question. It may not be the amount of socialization or work we do that leads to burnout. Rather, what it may lead to is the absence of appropriate rest periods from either of them. "We don't place enough importance on being alone, and most people don't even know how to give their brains and nervous system a good rest," Diaz says.

In a society where busyness is a mark of honor, it can be difficult to understand whether little or no social life is an inevitable consequence of working life or a way to signal our importance to others, says Silvia Bellezza, study co-author at the College of Education Harvard Business School: “When you say you are busy, you are telling others that you have a high status and that you are important, not because what you wear is expensive, but because you are very desirable.” The study I co-authored argues that a stressful lifestyle became an ambitious status symbol instead of a relaxed one.

The problem of not having friends

Positive effects of loneliness, such as increased clarity of thought and a sense of activity, can turn into a concern if you stay at home isolated from society for a long time. For many office workers, socialization is one of the most important elements of working life, and people with close friends at work are seven times more likely to be fully engaged.

Workplace camaraderie also fosters a shared sense of purpose. A social support network can lead to promotions and exchange of career counseling. Of course, socialization outside of work hours is also an important way to build networking at work. While a month of not having a social life didn't affect my relationship with existing clients, it may have reduced my ability to build relationships with new clients as I continued to do so.

Work and have fun

Rather than striving for a distinct work-life balance, it may be better for us to try to incorporate our social life into our work. It occurred to me that the secret to a successful career is not to get rid of your social life but to combine the two.

Ellen Galinsky, co-founder of the Families and Work Institute, found that people with a dual focus on work and social life have more of an interest or focus on the same priority and are most satisfied in their life in general.

“We find that people who have a dual focus on work and social life tend to be healthier and do better at work and at home,” Galinsky says. If you have other important things, like a hobby, exercise, social activity, or friends, you tend to do a better job overall.

In conclusion

During the experiment, I not only replaced my free time with extra work, but also I focused on two things. I could allocate more focused work times; I wouldn't have done that without this experience. But I was also drawn to the activities I had previously neglected, like going to the gym, playing the piano, and practicing meditation.

I have learned that I cannot eradicate one area of ​​life to grow another. Communication with people is closely related to our work and helps us face the inevitable vicissitudes of life. After the experience, I redefined the concept of success for me; It is not work, pleasure, or balance. Rather, it is a mixture of different activities each day and rest periods in between