How to Motivate Yourself to Change?

30 يناير 2025

Having difficulty changing what we want is a common human experience. Many of the practical steps required are not easy or enjoyable, which makes staying motivated a challenge.

Regardless of our excuses, whether it's a lack of time, energy, or money, we often tell ourselves it's "too hard," "I don't care," or "I'm not excited about it."

How can we find motivation to make positive changes in our lives? There are many books written to help you take the necessary steps to achieve change, to become more organized, more confident, more ambitious, or to eat more healthily.

They tell you what you need to do to make change happen, and that's great if you're willing to commit to it. But what if your problem isn't so big that you don't know what to do? Alternatively, for whatever reason, you can't even start on your own. You may not feel confident that you can complete all of the recommended steps toward change.

Perhaps the potential benefit of change doesn't seem so significant at the moment and you're just putting things off? Or what if there are so many changes you want to make but don't know where to start?

Motivational interviewing is a consulting approach developed by clinical psychologists William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick. It's all about catalyzing change within the customer. Practitioners of motivational interviewing use their advisory skills, such as open-ended questions, to induce so-called change talk. It is a conversation about what clients are not happy with and how they would like to change it.

Through acceptance, cooperation, and mentoring, this approach seeks to reinforce a person's commitment to the goals they set for themselves. The focus is on the person's choices and their own reasons for change. Although motivational interviewers may make suggestions to help guide clients, they don't try to force someone to change or make choices they think they should make. Instead, they ask clients questions, giving them their ideas regarding their desire, ability, reasons, and need for change.

We understand through motivational interviews that motivation often changes and shifts from day to day, even from moment to moment, and we see motivation as a multifaceted concept that includes not only wanting to change but also being willing and able to do so.

Being willing means realizing that something is troubling you about your situation. You see a contradiction between the reality of your life and your ideal vision. This may include wanting to change or feeling the need to change. For example, you might think, "I wish I was thinner" or "I need to get out of this bad relationship.

" You might complain that your favorite pair of jeans no longer fit or that you're tired of the endless arguments with your partner. This reflects your reality. Then you realize how you wish things were, i.e., the perfect vision. When reality and the ideal vision are different enough, you become uncomfortable and start thinking about change.

Preparedness refers to not only being aware of the need for change but also seeing this need as a priority among all other priorities in life. Finally, being able indicates confidence in your ability to change and having the knowledge and skills to make the change.

Essentially, you don't have to see a counselor or therapist to benefit from motivational interviewing principles. In time, you may find it helpful to consult a therapist to overcome certain obstacles, work on problems, or develop new skills, but in the meantime, you can interview yourself to help define your goals, build your motivation, and make plans for that change.

In this article, we will show you various exercises to do just that. The truth is, there is no magic formula that we can give you. Expecting you to always be ready, willing, and able is unrealistic, but by using the strategies found in motivational interviewing, we hope you'll get close enough to making the effort to start changing, step by step.

What should you do?

There are four main phases that motivational interviewers use: Engagement (Sharing), Focus, Motivation, and Planning.

1. Engagement (Sharing)

We won't cover it in detail in this article, but it does point to the need for practitioners to build a positive relationship with the client.

We'll start with the next stage, focus, which helps the practitioner and client identify the problem or concerns in the client's life that will be discussed first. You can work at this stage on your own with an exercise that helps you clarify what you want to change.

2. Focus: Recognizing the problem is the first step towards Realizing the contradiction

Realization of the difference between reality and ideal vision. First, what is your reality? Bring a notepad and brainstorm what is causing you dissatisfaction or anxiety. Think about areas such as physical health, work, relationships, social life, financial status, or emotional/mental health. Things are not the way you want them to be.

If you have a friend or relative you trust, you can also brainstorm with them, but be sure to help them reveal your inconsistencies rather than force ideas on you. Here are some examples:

"I am overweight."
"I worry a lot."
"I can't be organized."
"I wish I hadn't yelled at my kids."
"I need to get out more."
"I have to watch my budget."
"I'm tired of being depressed."

If you come across more than one area of concern, rate the areas you listed on a scale of 1 to 5. The number 1 indicates that you are annoyed only occasionally, while the number 5 indicates that the problem causes you great dissatisfaction. If it bothers you several times a day, you might score a 5, and if it only causes you anxiety once every few weeks, you might score a 1.

Now, focus on the higher-rated worries and think, "What makes them better, and why?" In other words, what is your ideal situation? By reading the aforementioned examples, you may be thinking of the following:

"My life would be better if I lost weight because it would help me feel better about myself and reduce health risks."
"My life would be better if I stopped worrying so much because it would help me sleep better and maybe get more done."
"My life will be better if I am organized, because it will help me to be more efficient and I can accomplish more."
"My life will be better if I can deal with my anger because it will improve my relationship with my children."
"My life would be better if I found some friends to spend time with because it would make me feel less lonely."
"My life would be better if I could stop spending money that I don't have because it would help me pay off my debts and feel less stressed about money."
"My life would be better if I could follow my counselor's suggestions because this would lead me in the right direction, towards recovery."

Now that you've identified the perfect vision for your most pressing obsessions, grab a notepad and let's put it all together. The ideal first, then the reality; This will help you see the contradiction in each problem:

(ideal): My life would be better if ______; Because it will be _____.

(Reality): Currently I _________________.

Next, consider how big or small this discrepancy is. If the difference you perceive between reality and your ideal vision is small, you are unlikely to be very motivated to act on it. On the other hand, if the difference is too great, you may feel too discouraged to think about making that change. Ideally, at this point, you can identify the change. The contradiction is "just right"—serious enough to upset you but not so huge that it confuses you.

No matter what areas of your life you find inconsistent with the concerns you've identified, the next step is to choose the behavior(s) you most want to work on.

The stage known as motivation in "motivational interviewing" can help with this. In a counseling context, the triggering phase is when the practitioner uses strategies to help clients talk about their willingness and ability to change.

The theory is that the more clients talk about their desire, ability, reasons, and need for change, the more likely they are to commit and take action toward their goal. Below is a motivational exercise that you can try on your own or with a trusted friend or relative that will likewise help increase your commitment and motivation.

3. Motivation: Determine what is most important and why

When choosing behavioral changes and goals to get behind, prioritize your efforts by exploring what matters most to you.

One way to better understand how to prioritize your goals is to take some time to identify your personal values.

For each potential change that you identified in the focus phase, answer the following questions for yourself and think about the potential impact of each change on different areas of your life: What does the change mean for your physical health, work, relationships, social life, finances, or emotional/mental health? Bring a notepad and jot down your thoughts in two columns.

After making a list of pros and cons, consider the following: Why are these findings important? Consider the values you hold, and what principles or standards of behavior make this potential change particularly essential? Examples of values include: honesty, family, integrity, faith, health, and responsibility.

Once you've identified your core values, think about how your current behaviors (those you care about most) are getting in the way of living out those values. How will working toward change help you better live these values?

There is no set amount of time you should spend on this exercise, but take your time and consider returning to it on different days. You may be in a different mood or have a different perspective.

Motivation: building confidence

Hopefully, the previous exercises helped you identify a specific problem or current behavior(s) that are causing you concern at the moment. But even though you've identified how important it is to change this behavior or behaviors, you may not feel ready to commit to actively working toward the necessary changes.

Trust is not generally a static state. On some days, you may have more confidence in your abilities than on other days. When you don't have enough confidence, you may find yourself underestimating the importance of behavior change and feel like giving up trying. Your self-talk may be filled with thoughts like, "It's too hard," "I don't have time," or "I can't do anything about it."

Because trust is so important to change, there is another key aspect of the motivation phase. It builds your confidence in your ability to make changes to your behavior. To do this, it is important to take time to reflect on your strengths, past successes, and sources of hope and inspiration:

3.1. Identify your strengths:

The qualities that lead to successful change include: creativity, resourcefulness, stubbornness, and adventurousness. Think about your strengths. You can also ask people close to you to identify some of your strengths. How can these strengths help you make the changes you seek?

3.2. Identify your past successes:

Think about times you've successfully made changes and look for lessons learned that might help you in your current efforts. What steps did you take next to achieve these changes? How did you do that? And how would you apply the same or similar strategies today?

3.3. Cultivating hope and inspiration:

What makes you feel hopeful? What makes you optimistic about making this change? Look for sources of inspiration. You can use a large scrapbook, flipchart, or blog and fill it with pictures and quotes to help you visualize your goals.

Finding a community of support and sources of information related to your change goal can help you stay focused and inspired. Look for forums or information from trusted sources online. Related associations or support groups are often a good place to start.

4. Planning: making a plan

Hopefully, you have identified the behavior(s) you wish to change, understood the reasons why you want to make this change in your life, built a certain level of confidence in your ability to make the change, and probably thought about their importance in relation to your set of values.

In this fourth stage, you may be ready to come up with a plan for change. Once you can say, "I'm willing to work on change," that's a good sign that you're ready to consider your action plan. How are you going to make this change? There's really no right or wrong way to do it, although we have a few suggestions.

Think of the big picture of things first, which helps us think about the future and imagine what life will be like once the change goal is achieved. Your big picture can be broad and include more than one specific goal. For example, “To develop a prosperous marriage, We communicate regularly, enjoy each other's company, and care about each other's needs.”

Next, develop and refine a specific goal for change. Starting with the work you did in the problem recognition exercise during the focus phase, turn your goals into SMART goals—that is, make them specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. It would be difficult to plan around a general goal like “I want to feel better” because it is very mysterious. As for “I would like to lose 10 kg in the next 8 weeks.” That is a smart goal.

When you think of your SMART goal, you can brainstorm steps to take toward achieving it. List at least 10 actions, steps, or tasks that help you make progress. Next, go through the list and rate each step from 1 to 5. A “5” is an action you feel you can do, and a “1” is an action that is too difficult, ambiguous, or impractical at the moment.

Just as your goal should be SMART, your steps should be as well, so reformulate the list to bring as many steps as possible closer to 5.

For example, "Eat less carbs and less fat" might become "I will limit myself to 1,200 calories per day for the next eight weeks."

Everyone needs a support system, so this should be as much a part of your plan as possible. Keep in mind that there are different ways people can help. Think about who can help you financially, be a good listener, encourage you, appreciate your abilities, and communicate with you reliably. Spend some time figuring out how and when you can reach out to these people.

We understand that not everyone has a support system. But there are ways to find or develop a social network that will support you in achieving your goals. You can connect in person with those who share the same interests or goals as you (for example, co-workers or community organizations) or on social media. You may even consider creating your own group.

In addition to social support, there are other resources that may be helpful on your journey to change. It is worth considering accessing an online support group. If you are employed, take a look at your circumstances. Sometimes employers offer benefits or flexible work. This may help you take specific steps toward change.

If you do not have the material resources available, is there anything you can do to raise funds? Or can you find creative ways to use or access resources in your community? You don't have to spend money to support your efforts toward change.

Make your strength a conscious part of your plan. As you did in "Building Confidence," exercise during the motivation phase, pick several characteristics you possess that will help you be successful.

Creating a rewards system will also help you stay motivated and promote positive changes along the way. Think of a list of possible rewards that you might enjoy. While you might consider getting tangible rewards (for example, new clothes or electronics), be sure to also add rewarding activities and events to your plan, such as meetings with friends, family outings, or spending time alone doing what you enjoy.

The final part of the plan requires identifying potential barriers and being prepared to find ways to address them. Some obstacles may require practical problem-solving, while others may be internal, such as addressing your self-talk.

Self-talk is how we talk to ourselves. Negative self-talk can be an obstacle to change. Once you've identified your unhelpful self-talk, challenge those thoughts. For example, you have shown self-control before and can work on it again. Supportive friends or relatives may be able to help you.