How Does Flexible Thinking Help You Develop Self-Compassion?

Flexible thinking is founded on the idea of psychological resilience, which is described as maintaining present-tense awareness despite unpleasant psychological or physical thoughts or experiences.

Note: This article is taken from Poppy Jamie's blog, where we talked about how flexible thinking changed her life for the better.

At the same time, it is the person's decision to act in a certain way based on the situation they are in or their values. I first heard about resilience from Clinical psychologist Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D., co-developer of effective psychotherapy for anxiety and depression (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Hayes's teachings aim to accept and deal with negative emotions rather than deny their existence.

I loved the idea of dealing with my negative thoughts instead of forcing myself to continue working against my will. I was tired of being determined all the time, and I pushed myself to get up again and keep going, even when I was suffering.

Flexibility training brings back terrible memories from training camps, when I am breathless, my muscles convulse, I sweat, and the trainer screams at me to keep running. Back then, I was afraid to be the only one in the group that felt tired and wanted to lie on the ground and crawl, so I kept running despite all the pain I was feeling.

Before psychological resilience, my whole life was a training camp. I used to think that I should ignore pain and not give up, and this is what I did, but ignoring pain does not cure it but makes it worse. We need a new strategy and a way out of camp life. Work mentality makes us chronically sick and miserable until complete exhaustion. Still, there is a better option, which is to live flexibly.

How to Live a Flexible and Balanced Life?

When you live your life flexibly, you will not see things from one perspective; you will open up. Then, you will listen to your body, make minor adjustments to ensure your comfort, and willingly choose that you will not allow your fear to control you. Of course, you will face difficulties, and you will have to continue, even though you may prefer to lie in bed instead of facing them with determination or standing helpless in the face of them.

Flexibility means acknowledging the existence of those difficulties and then allowing yourself to think in a different way to deal with them. Psychological flexibility lets you view difficulties as opportunities, not obstacles.

According to our culture, we have to be impulsive and persistent. On the other hand, psychological resilience allows us to slow down a bit and treat ourselves with kindness and compassion, realizing that when we do, we will find a better way forward. Just because we can force ourselves to keep running doesn't mean we have to, and when you overwork today, you're using up tomorrow's reserves.

Flexible thinking and narrow-mindedness

Flexible ideas care about others, accept them, and raise challenge, curiosity, and motivation in them. They lead you to question your feelings in the present moment and why, then accept them and learn from the experience. Psychological flexibility begins when we notice the noise inside our minds and remember that all ideas are fleeting; they come and go and can extend in thousands of directions.

'Critical thinking' is an essential aspect of psychological flexibility; it is the way scientists think about problems by looking at them from different perspectives and imagining multiple possibilities.

Narrow-mindedness, on the other hand, is pure criticism in its worst form, where you are stuck in one point of view, usually humiliating, exhausting, and draining energy. It is choosing one way to get things done and sticking to it, even if it is  not suitable. It is to have a fixed point of view that does not grow, develop, or question the reasons and pillars based on it.

According to nutritionist Karen R. Heard, the author of And They Said It Was Not Possible: True Stories of People Who Were Healed From the Impossible: “When a battle plan fails, you should not try again and make a harder effort; instead, you should make a new plan, and if it fails too, make another better one."

How to practice flexible thinking?

• Instead of ignoring the pain until it goes away, try to think that you're in pain now and identify the source and cause of the pain.
• Instead of giving up, try to think that you're frustrated, which is normal and happens to everyone, but before you jump to conclusions, gather more information and surround yourself with positive energy.
• Instead of believing that everyone hates you, try to think that your self-confidence is not at its best and that it seems to be something that happens to you under certain circumstances, and try to determine what makes you doubt yourself in those circumstances and if anyone acted in a way that validates your suspicions.
• Instead of feeling frustrated that things will always go on like this, try to think that at this moment you feel defeated when you hope for the future, which is normal, and then do something that makes you feel optimistic about what the future will bring you.