Do You Find Yourself a Victim in This Life?

Do you blame others for the course of your life? Do you feel like everything is moving against you? Do you have trouble coping with setbacks? Do you have a negative attitude most of the time? Do you tend to hang out with other people who also like to complain and blame others?

Do you find it difficult to make changes in your life? Do you feel like you lack support from others? Do you lack self-confidence or feel low self-esteem? Do you always feel as if other people are better than you in life? If you have one of these feelings, continue reading this article.

What is the Victim Mentality?

We all go through the vicissitudes of this life; bad things may happen to you or to people you know daily, but there are some people who claim that it is not their fault at all and insist on their inability to control the difficult situations and problems they face; it simply always happens to them.

Is Victim Mentality a Diagnosable Medical Condition?

Victim mentality is not a diagnosable condition, but it is a generally accepted term that has some other alternative names, such as victim syndrome. There are some researchers who give it three basic criteria:

1. Bad things have happened in the past and will continue to happen to you.

2. Others are to blame for your misfortune.

3. There is no point in trying to make a change because it won't work.

How Does a Person with a Victim Mentality Act?

1. A person with a victim mentality claims that things that happen to them are the fault of someone or an external factor that has nothing to do with them; it may be the fault of a partner, family member, co-worker, or friend, and they often blame “the way the world is.”
2. People who have a victim mentality complain strongly about the bad things that happen in their lives and are very afraid to take responsibility for their personal crises, stressing that the circumstances are not under their control.
3. All people go through trauma or difficult times, but a percentage of them do not develop a healthy way of dealing with these hardships. As a result, they develop a negative view of life in general. They feel a lack of control over what happens to them, and they believe that any problem is due to external factors and not to their negligence or laziness.
4. If someone tries to help or offer solutions to a person with a victim mentality, they are often confronted with a list of reasons why it doesn't work, and the people they try to help often become frustrated and confused.
5. For people with a victim mentality, it is easier to indulge in negativity than to try to solve the problem, and the person with this mentality may impose this on others.
6. A sense of vulnerability and fear rooted in the victim's mindset leads to choosing not to take responsibility or to blame others and make excuses, even when you have action you can take.

What Benefit Does a Person Gain from a Victim Mentality?

1. Being in charge of your life means that you are in the driver's seat; you take responsibility, and this is scary for someone with a victim mentality. You must admit that life is not just a result of the actions of others. So take responsibility as a first step to getting rid of the victim mentality.
2. The problems of those with a victim mentality continue because they provide the victim with some secondary benefits. Sympathy, concern, and access to medication or money are common examples of secondary gains for grieving.
3. A person with a victim mentality may not realize that they are getting these benefits and often feel annoyed by them.
4. The victim mentality satisfies unconscious needs, so their owners unconsciously seek help from others, especially those coming from previous trauma. They constantly play the role of the poor, and this can generate sympathy and help from others.
5. The victim mentality tends to avoid risk, and blaming others is an essential part of its formation. It's a way to avoid taking risks and stay in your comfort zone.

How Do You Know If You Have a Victim Mentality?

The first step to solving any problem is identifying and acknowledging it, therefore, you should look for these signs in yourself to see if you have adopted a victim mentality:

1. You blame others for the problems in your life.
2. You think life is against you.
3. You have difficulties coping with life's problems and feel powerless about them.
4. You feel stuck in life and deal with situations in a negative way.
5. When someone tries to provide useful feedback, it feels like they're attacking you personally.
6. Feeling bad about yourself gives you relief or pleasure.
7. You may take things personally, even when they are not directed at you.
8. You may say to yourself, “What have I done to deserve this?”
9. You may also often feel resentful.
10. You tend to associate with people who blame others and complain about the circumstances of their lives.

What is the Relationship Between Victim Mentality and Past Experiences?

A victim mentality may arise after a series of traumatic events. The problem is that there are multiple factors involved in any bad situation. Although you may not be able to control what happened to you in the past, you likely have a certain degree of control over what happens to you in the future.

A practical example illustrating the relationship between victim mentality and past trauma:

For example, if you are trying to find a job without any success, there is an opportunity to learn from your failed attempts so that you can try to make some changes that will benefit you in your next attempts. In contrast, the person who has a victim mentality will not care much about taking actions that improve their situation and give them a higher chance of success in the coming times because they are mired in lamentation and complaint.

In addition, when others try to help them, they retreat into self-pity and argue that there is no solution. In other words, they want to feel sorry for themselves rather than work to bring about any meaningful change when it is okay to feel bad about what happened to them.

Is Victim Mentality a Solveable Problem?

Psychology experts believe that humans developed this mindset as a coping mechanism for harsh negative experiences. They find no way to control the constant emotional pain that makes them feel helpless except for complete surrender. The victim mentality can also become part of a person's identity, but it remains a learned behavior that can be changed, and this mentality often develops as a defense mechanism to deal with harsh life events.

How do you stop being a victim?

You must be convinced that the victim mentality is a learned behavior. In other words, it is something you learn in a social environment; it was not born with you, and you may have acquired it from family members or after trauma; however, you have the strength to overcome this behavior. This is done by applying the following tips:

1. Take responsibility:

You are the only one who controls your actions; you may not be able to control others, but you have the ability to control the way you interact with them, and you are able to determine who you spend your time with and where you go, so understand your position well, sit in the driving seat, and control your life.

2. Be kind to yourself:

Victim mentalities are subconsciously adopted as a way of coping with trauma. So be merciful to yourself during the trauma recovery period and accept yourself and what happened to you. Journaling can be a useful tool for dealing with the negative feelings that may control you after the trauma.

3. Start by saying no:

You can say "no" to something you don't want to do; it's your natural right. Even if others feel like you're letting them down, take care of yourself and put yourself first.

4. Educate yourself:

Read books about the victim mentality and how it affects the victim's life. Consider seeking help from a friend or a psychiatrist. The more you educate yourself on this topic, the more likely you are to recover and avoid going back to your old way of thinking.

5. Get yourself together:

Yes, your rights have been violated, and you do not deserve what happened to you. You deserve empathy, compassion, and understanding, and you can give these things to yourself without waiting for them to come from anyone else.

In conclusion:

Everyone with a victim mentality needs to put an end to self-pity and work towards change and healing, and everything they do otherwise means that this mentality may accompany them throughout the work. The truth is that life will never stop showering you with challenges, and if you feel that there is no solution, get ready to live in misery for the rest of your life.