Awkward Silence: Use It to Your Advantage or Eliminate It

The awkward silence is challenging. It prompts one to say anything to escape it. The article offers six tips to take advantage of awkward silence and learn how to avoid it.

Awkward silence can be defined as a prolonged stopping of speaking uncomfortably in a conversation, speech, or interaction, and most people are unaware that awkward silence can be good or bad depending on the situation and is used as a negotiating tactic.

Here are some tips you can take advantage of or deal with the awkward silence.

How long should you stop during the conversation?

The ideal pause in a conversation ranges from a quarter to a half of a second, which is the time it takes to do one breath, and if it is extended to 4 seconds, it becomes embarrassing.

The frequency of conversations varies between languages and cultures. Researchers discovered that English speakers do not stop speaking for more than four seconds, while the Japanese usually reach eight seconds.

The silence between English speakers rarely exceeds a fraction of a second during the conversation, and once it extends for a longer time, one begins to feel upset or the need to change the course of the conversation, and when the pause continues for too long, the individual feels the need to find anything to say.

Why is silence annoying?

In his book The Science of Why We're Socially Awkward and Why That's Awesome, sociologist Ty Tashiro explains that when we experience unexpected silence, the amygdala region responsible for the fight-or-flight response is activated in the brain.

This is what happens to your brain when silence lasts longer than necessary; it generates a feeling of discomfort. The researchers tracked the brain's reaction to silence to the roots of collection and capture societies in which society's rejection of the individual posed a threat to their lives; that is, silence mimics rejection according to the primitive perspective, and fear of rejection, in turn, leads to panic.

That's why when you feel safe and comfortable in someone's presence, silence doesn't generate a similar fear response, and it doesn't seem awkward in turn; that is, silence becomes comfortable when you share it with a loved one, and you're not afraid of rejection, which boosts trust in the relationship.

How to avoid awkward silence

Here are some ways to avoid awkward silence:

1. Give a sincere compliment followed by a question

A simple compliment can move the conversation to a positive and friendly note. For example, in a situation where you have been in a long silence, you can praise the elegance of your interlocutor and ask them where to shop.

Or, when you find yourself next to the keynote speaker at an event, you can break the silence by praising their approach to the research they are working on and asking why they chose the topic of study.

You have to keep backup questions to use in awkward silence situations.

2. Ask questions that result in stories

This method is based on avoiding asking yes/no questions, which lead to embarrassing silence, and replacing them with questions that allow the person you are talking with to provide answers that naturally lead to new questions, instead of asking your friend: “Do you work in marketing on social media?”

You could ask, “What is the hardest part of social media marketing?” or “What is the best promotion you have ever had?”

Here are some more questions that lead to anecdotal answers:

• What a wonderful thing that you play the piano. How did you get started?
• What would you do if you had a full day, you might spend as long as you want?
• What do you enjoy doing that you wish you had more time to do?

3. Mention the personal experience related to the topic of the talk

You can show why you care about the questions you ask by adding a personal link. For example, when you say: “You already mentioned that you work as a waitress; I love coffee shops, but I can not imagine the noise of the morning rush hours, what aspects you like about your work?”

The difference lies in adding a personal link that shows why you are interested in the answers. You love coffee shops and would like to know more about working in them.

You can try this technique with anything interesting on the other end, for example:

• How wonderful that you play the piano. I've been playing guitar since I was 12. How did you get started?
• I liked the research you presented in the meeting. I have never considered the relationship between these two factors. What encouraged you to choose the research topic?
• I heard you studied computer science in college like me. What do you do these days?

4. Pre-preparation of some opening sentences

When you must have a short conversation at an event, you can organize in advance by looking at current events or occasions related to the event subject. Then, prepare some opening sentences to help you start the conversation and continue it with a new person.

The following are fun and smooth opening sentences with which you can start your talk:

• What do you think of sports?
• What kind of music do you listen to?
• What do you think of the presentation?

A good opening should not produce a right or wrong answer, as it is a way to start a short conversation and get to know the person you are talking to.

5. Answer the questions asked in-depth and end them with a question

When someone talks to you, they often want to get to know you, so avoid giving brief answers and share some additional details to help them get to know you better.

For example, when your uncle asks you at a family gathering about your current activities, you can share some fun details. Instead of saying that you are working on your thesis, you can tell him about your plans after obtaining the certificate or talk about the material you currently enjoy. This method shows your appreciation of the question and desire to share your life's developments. It also helps your uncle find a new question to continue the conversation.

Getting into the details is contagious. Revealing an aspect of your life allows your interlocutor to get into the details when you ask questions.

You can end your answer by asking the other party about their life, so they know exactly where to resume their conversation.

6. End the conversation gently

The silence is often prolonged when the conversation reaches its natural end, so when the rhythm of the conversation begins to stagnate, you can thank your interlocutor, express your enjoyment of the conversation, and kindly ask permission to leave. This method allows the conversation to end before the parties feel embarrassed by the long silence.

Use awkward silence to your advantage

Embarrassing silence can be an effective tool in professional circles because maintaining your composure during work negotiations or team meetings allows others time to think and formulate an answer, and you can also use it to make the other party feel uncomfortable and respond to your demands.

The writer Gavin Presman, the author of Negotiation, was told that the prices of his leadership training and sales services are costly. He smoothly replied: "I understand this," so he waited before continuing, and then after 10 seconds of silence, the man himself told him that his prices were acceptable and expressed his desire to train his company's staff.

The ability to remain silent in situations can be acquired, like other life skills in which some people are more adept than others, and can be practiced and improved through meditation, hiking in nature, and driving without turning on the radio.

Times when awkward silence is helpful

The old proverb says: “If speech is silver, then silence is gold.” There are many situations in which silence is helpful, and here are some methods to take advantage of the supernatural ability of awkward silence:

1. At business meetings

You have to leave room for silence when you ask a question that requires an answer in a business meeting to allow your colleagues time to think about their answers and absorb the tension about who will answer first. In both cases, you can count to ten before you resume your talk. There is a small probability that the silence will last longer, the experience is that someone will talk, and the discussion will continue again.

2. When faced with a difficult question

You may be asked a difficult question in job interviews or while chatting with a friend, and in both situations, you can answer: “What an interesting question, let me think about it a little.” Your response suggests that you are listening well and want to provide a thoughtful answer to the question.

3. When the job offer falls short of your expectations

If compensation in the new job is below your expectations, you can answer: “Honestly, my research has resulted in compensation from other companies in similar positions, and my experience in the field has led me to expect higher compensation.” Then wait a few seconds to see the impact of your response.

There is a good chance that you will receive a better offer. Otherwise, you can ask for a few days to think about the job offer and make the final decision after several seconds of silence.

In the meantime, be sure to show self-confidence through your body language because silence can indicate the tension that you should avoid in professional circles. To show confidence (if you are terrified from the inside), you should sit and tighten your torso with your shoulders back and slightly bend forward if possible, and avoid signs of tension such as hitting the foot with the ground or tampering with a ring in your finger, and you should keep calm and balance and see what happens.

Summary of key points related to awkward silence

Awkward silence isn't embarrassing for reasons about you. In fact, humans have always made an effort to avoid it on an instinctual level because they see in it the disapproval and rejection of others around them. As social beings, the fear of rejection raises in us the mechanism of "fight or flight" concerned with warning a person of fear and ensuring their safety.

Here are 6 ways to avoid awkward, unwanted silence:

1. Give a sincere compliment followed by a question.
2. Ask questions that require lengthy answers.
3. Share your personal relationship with the subject, if any.
4. Prepare introductory sentences in advance of the talks.
5. Answer questions in depth.
6. Gently end the conversation.

Use awkward silence to your advantage

You are not the only one who is embarrassed in certain situations, and you can use silence in some conditions, such as salary negotiations and work meetings, to get the other party to accept your proposals or urge them to talk in a group discussion.

In conclusion, you should foster a sense of comfort towards silence

When you are familiar with silence, you can make conscious decisions about your speaking or allow the other person to speak first, and your ability to deal with silence can develop through practice by spending time in nature and driving without listening to music and meditation.

Silence in the presence of one of them indicates trust and emotional closeness between the two of you. Also, the development of curiosity towards the outside world and others contributes to reducing your exposure to awkward silence situations. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said: "Silence is a source of strength."