A Guide to Gaining Flexibility in Changing Habits

I've trained thousands of people who want to change their habits through my (Sea Change) program, and I've found that there's a major difference between people who actually make changes and people who fail. This major difference is what I call "habit flexibility."

Note: This article is taken from Coach Leo Babuata and provides tips to increase the ability to make changes in life.

Flexibility in changing habits is the ability to get back on track when things don't go as planned, so that you stay positive, motivated, and able to forgive and empathize with yourself. Thus, you can get over failures and start over. It is the ability to learn and develop through perseverance.

The opposite of being flexible in changing habits is feeling frustrated when things don't go as planned. You blame yourself, avoid facing the mistake, ignore problems, complain about a bad situation, or you may blame others.

As a result, you believe that you cannot make change, you underestimate yourself, or you consider yourself weak.

Here is an example for clarification:

Suppose that I want to change my eating habits. I will choose to eat healthy food in my three meals such as salads and oatmeal, and start implementing the plan. However, after a week, I might have a business lunch and a three day trip where I have to eat fast food. Then, there is my daughter's birthday party, and I will have to eat sweets. This means my plan failed during these days.

Therefore, I have two options at this stage. The first is to give up, blame myself, and ignore the problem. The second option is to develop my flexibility in acquiring new habits.

I'll have to make some adjustments to the plan, empathize with myself, and then start over, which means I maintain a positive attitude during this period.

The second option will lead to a long-term change. If you stick with it, you will be able to change any habit you wish to change. This was just an example of the difference between the two styles of dealing with change decisions. You can notice that the difference is huge. Through these steps, you will be able to develop your flexibility in dealing with the change you seek.

Developing your flexibility in changing habits

The good news is that you can improve your flexibility in changing habits or developing new ones. Here are some tips for doing so:

1. Don't exaggerate expectations about results

When we begin to make changes in our habits, we often have unrealistic expectations, like getting 6-pack abs within four weeks of exercising. The problem is that when we try to make these expectations a reality, we often get disappointed, at least in the beginning.

However, in the long run, we are able to make much more changes than we think, unlike the changes we get in the short term, which are easy and not permanent changes.

In short, change does not occur at once, nor does it proceed regularly, but rather cumulatively. So, expect to get less than ideal results, and don't be too strict about how you should make the changes. When you get less results than you expected, replace your plan with a step-by-step plan for changes.

2. Learn to adapt

For example, if the diet plan does not go as planned, it is not necessarily your fault. There might be a defect in the plan or the way you implement it. So, you have to improve it to fit your life.

It might be useful to hold yourself accountable for how much you stick to the plan, or use some means to remind you of it, or get rid of fast food dishes in your fridge. The idea is that there are many ways to adjust the plan. The important thing is to look for these ways and never give up.

3. Have empathy for yourself and forgive yourself

This practice is very important, but most people do the exact opposite. When things go wrong, we often blame and criticize ourselves. This kind of reaction is useless and can make old habits even more ingrained.

Instead, we should learn to be kinder to ourselves when we temporarily fall short of what we aspired to. It is very important to forgive ourselves when we fail and to empathize with our suffering while retaining our desire to get rid of this suffering. The desire to find inner peace and love ourselves regardless of what we do is crucial to achieving success in the future.

4. Don't ignore problems; rather, deal with them flexibly

We need to motivate ourselves to face frustration, and we must always maintain our enthusiasm. So, set a challenge for yourself at every failure, stay positive, and consider failure as a new starting point for success.

5. Get enthusiasm from others

We can draw enthusiasm from others. Joining support groups is a good way to do so. You can also seek support from your family and friends, and count on one of them to encourage you to get back on the right track when you stray from it.

Exchanging love feelings with people breaks the isolation. Many people know what it means to suffer, and some of them are ready to support you in your struggle.

6. Persevere and learn how to get started again

Stay positive when things go wrong, and keep trying to acquire or change the habits you wanted. For example, if you failed to quit smoking due to bad circumstances, it does not mean that you should give up. Try again with more will and determination.