7 Questions to Enhance Communication with Others

If you're an introvert, have you ever noticed that you tend to be good at asking questions? Have you ever felt that this is a weakness for you, so you have to resort to questions when you have finished your options for further discussions? Have you ever wondered how to formulate well-thought-out questions?

In this article, Warren Berger, author of Beautiful Questions and contributor to The New York Times, explains how and why asking questions is an introvert's secret weapon.

Berger says: “I am an expert in the questions field. You may ask yourself: Is this a work? Having spent ten years asking questions to make a living as a journalist and then another ten years writing books on the art and science of asking questions, I feel I deserve the nickname “question expert.”

I've learned from my research that asking better questions can be very helpful to all of us, whether in our jobs, relationships, or everyday lives. Still, I want to focus on why asking questions is an especially critical tool for introverts. Asking questions is the introvert's secret weapon, if we can appreciate this talent and benefit from it more than we already know.

I have taught hundreds of successful artists, scientists, and entrepreneurs who are known for their curiosity and ability to ask questions, and most of them are humble and thoughtful as well as passionate and good listeners. These qualities help innovators be more attentive and aware, which in turn helps them formulate good questions related to the world around them. Asking questions often stimulate their creativity.

Introverts tend to have the same qualities as these experts in asking questions. In fact, most people who read this article may think that they have mastered this art, but have you ever been worried that being the one to listen and ask questions might put you in a weak position?

The reason for this fear is that asking questions is a sign of weakness from our childhood. It is one of the main reasons children tend to ask fewer questions as they grow up. One study found that the average child asks 40,000 questions between the ages of 2 and 5 (noting that girls are more curious than boys).

However, when we grow up and become teenagers, the rate of questions dramatically drops because we feel that curiosity is annoying, intrusive, or a recognition of a lack of knowledge. As adults, we may sense that asking questions in some way is less impressive than clarifying, explaining, and advising.

But in fact, being willing to ask questions is more of an indicator of strength than weakness. It shows that you're comfortable admitting that you don't have all the answers and aren't trying to pretend that you know everything. Also, it shows others that you have curious and efficient thinking and seek to learn more.

Asking questions is a great way to gain people's trust and build a relationship with them. It indicates to people that you are interested in them. A recent study found that asking questions makes us seem to like others more.

Most introverts may find that asking questions helps them in work or social situations dominated by extroverts, but I suggest that we deliberately develop this skill.

Start thinking about questions before you interact rather than asking them quickly. For example, if I ran into a famous actor in the elevator, my tongue would tie up, and I wouldn't be able to form one good sentence. Still, when I interviewed him once as a journalist, I had no problem talking because I prepared a set of thoughtful questions. The next time you go to a work-related party or gathering, ask yourself: What if I dealt with this gathering as a journalist seeking to know the stories of the people present? And what kind of questions might I ask to find out their stories?

When you ask questions, ask them curiously. The more attention you pay to a topic you discuss with someone or someone you talk to, the more credible your questions are. True curiosity builds strong relationships, avoiding the feeling of the person receiving the question that you are trying to confront them or that you are a critical person. The smooth way to highlight your curiosity about something is to start your question with the phrase: "I am curious about..." or “I was wondering about something…”.

Think about the types of questions you will ask, and use open-ended questions, i.e., can be answered with a “yes” or “no” or realistic answers, rather than asking closed-ended questions, for example: What do you like about this city? Is your work good? Try to avoid routine questions like, “How are you?” or “How's it going?” Routine questions produce routine answers.

More importantly, you should listen well because you are asking questions. Listening well allows you to ask additional questions, which is a distinctive characteristic of the questioner. Also, you should eliminate the habit of thinking about what you will say after the other party answers you. You should focus on what is being said and use the follow-up method to dig deeper into your questions.

Seven questions to improve communication with others

1. What are the most excited about these days?

This question is better than asking a question like: What do you do for a living? Or what are you going to do these days? Asking these questions causes the other person to talk about what they really want to talk about.

2. What made you laugh today?

Use this question instead of “How was your day?” It is more specific and focuses on something fun that can be shared with others.

3. What things have you always wanted to try?

Don't just ask new people, but also old friends because their answers may surprise you, and don't forget to ask: What's stopping you from trying it?

4. What problem do you wish to solve?

Leave this question open enough, so a person can talk about anything they want.

5. And then what?

This question is like asking for more information on any topic, so use it to get additional ideas. You can ask it frequently, but the in time, you can change the question wording to: "Is there anything else?"

6. What are your top priorities for the day?

Is there anything I can do to help you? Use this question with your spouse, friend, or boss.

7. Why am I talking?

It is a question that psychiatrists sometimes use, as it is a question that you must ask yourself from time to time to remember to continue listening to what the other person is saying to you instead of interrupting them.