5 Tips to Help You Get Through Tough Times

To motivate a group of course interns whom my wife "Angel" and I were coaching, I set myself the goal of exercising for an hour a day for 90 straight days.

Note: This article is from blogger Marc Chernoff, who shares 5 tips he's used to get through tough times.

I chose this goal because many of the course students complained that they struggled to go to the gym, and that they were inspired by my desire to take on a challenge like this. However, the experience was more difficult than I expected. With a company to run, interns to help, a young child to take care of, family duties and travel, I missed three days of exercising in the first month.

Despite the simplicity of this matter, it made me feel a little depressed at times. Of course, my wife and I experienced much greater relapses than this, such as the death of siblings, the loss of dear friends due to illness or suicide, being fired from work while needing to support our family, failed business ventures, financial crises, and so on. However, I was surprised to realize that all these relapses, despite their severity, are very similar to this small relapse.

small and large relapses have the same negative impact

This may seem strange at first glance, but the truth is that all small and large relapses have the same negative impact on us, as they all burden us. They are all similar in 3 points:

1. Our expectations and ideal standards are not met

For example, when we start a new project, introduce a new habit into our routine, or start a new job, we initially have an idea of ​​the ideal way in which this project will be implemented. But what happens is that our perception turns out to be completely inaccurate, and things do not go as we planned.

Others do not act as we expected, and often we ourselves do not fully adhere to the plan that we set. The bottom line is that we had a vision and we believed it to be reality. This is what disappointed us. This may be frustrating because our lives are not what we hoped for. Also, it is painful even if our projects are simple.

2. Self-doubt beats us

A relapse resolves our ambitions and makes us question our capabilities and abilities to achieve our goals. Most importantly, it makes us doubt ourselves in the end. We start by asking ourselves about the importance of what we do, whether it is worth our effort, whether we are skilled enough to achieve it, and whether we deserve to get what we aspire to.

This kind of self-doubt is destructive, as it represents an additional setback to the setbacks we are already facing.

3. Feeling weak and helpless

What is worse than things that do not go well sometimes is falling victim to feelings of weakness and disability that prevent us from moving forward in our lives. When we feel weak and helpless, we become unable to overcome even the easiest difficulties, and we doubt our ability to do anything important, no matter how easy it is. This is another relapse that makes things worse.

So, these are the broad outlines of what I've been feeling lately. Surely everyone has experienced these feelings at some point in their lives, but there may be hope. I say this through what my wife "Angel" and I have learned over the years as we've turned difficulties into opportunities for growth.

By training thousands of people with failures of different levels and from all over the world, we have learned what methods help us to overcome setbacks and achieve progress in life. We also have learned what methods do not help and what things make the situation worse.

5 Tips to Help You Get Through Tough Times

We will offer some tips that we have learned from decades of experience:

1. Accept what happened in order to progress

There are two types of pain: the pain that hurts you and the pain that changes you. When you accept what happens in life instead of rejecting it, both types of pain help you develop and grow your personality.

In order to move forward in any situation, you must accept the reality in which you live. The importance of acceptance lies in the fact that it provides you with a starting point from which you can choose the direction you want to take.

Denying the situation, ignoring it, or trying to change what happened wastes time and energy. This means that wishing that things didn't turn out so badly or pretending as if nothing happened doesn't do you any good.

Acceptance is to stop trying to change what happened and allow things to take their natural course. Of course, it does not mean that you do not care about changing your reality. It is all about realizing that the only thing you have control over at the moment is yourself.

Forgiveness is an important part of this psychological state and mental attitude as well. It is accepting the current situation without thinking about the past or the future or linking reality with another time or environment or a different circumstance.

The cause of negative feelings and thoughts is the inability to forgive and the denial of the current situation, starting with anxiety and not ending with feelings of guilt and tension. All these unhealthy results occur because of excessive regret or nostalgia for the past or thinking anxiously about the future. Then, thoughts and emotions are not directed toward the current moment.

2. Accept the fact that you are in the process of progressing

We doubt ourselves when we want to be other than who we really are. For example, we want to be perfectly disciplined, and when we are not, we scold ourselves severely and get frustrated.

The solution is to remind myself that although I am not perfect, I am wonderful as I am. All I need to do is to accept with pleasure the fact that I am not perfect, and that I have achieved many successes in my life through who I am.

So, accept your nature, as you are human after all and not perfect. Stop pretending to be perfect, and accept your messy side and your flaws. There is no point in trying to be a different person, and there is no aesthetic value in faking it.

You are good as you are. If you feel otherwise, you are exaggerating things. We are not saying that you should become insensitive, as some anxiety is useful. We learn from our mistakes, but remember not to exaggerate your fear, and anxiety and you will be fine.

3. Express your negative feelings

Do not be ashamed of being sensitive or emotional when life disappoints you. There is no feeling that should make you feel ashamed. After all, you are human and you have the right to express your pain.

Sensitivity and strong emotions are proof that you have a noble feeling. Don't be afraid to express yourself the way you want. In addition, expressing your feelings is proof of your strength as a human being. Those who judge you for expressing your feelings should be ashamed.

If you refuse to express your pain, and you reject any negative feeling, then you exacerbate the negative feelings. If you allow yourself to accept these feelings, and realize that all human beings feel frustration, disappointment, and other negative feelings at some time, then you give yourself the ability to deal with what you feel later.

Therefore, feel free to express your painful feelings, and accept these feelings. Don't be one of those who want to be happy all the time because they are unrealistic. Every person feels pain, frustration, and other negative feelings from time to another, which is absolutely okay. When you accept these facts and accept the feelings of pain, you win every time.

4. Remember that positive and negative events are temporary

You will achieve your great achievement when you realize that all your limitations, failures, and weaknesses are temporary problems. Once these problems occur, there is no reason for you to continue thinking about them. You may feel pain and uncertainty for a while, but these feelings do not last forever. If they do, they do not remain with the same intensity.

Time can make you forget your pain. My wife and I experienced this after losing two of our loved ones to illness and suicide. We supported each other when feelings of depression appeared now and then for months. In the end, these feelings completely disappeared.

It is easy to get into a painful situation. At first, you think that everything is over, but in fact, this painful feeling and the current situation are just temporary states. They are part of the ever-changing experience of life. Despite the harshness of these experiences, they will end eventually. You must deal with them based on this fact.

So, remind yourself that the goal is not to get rid of all negative feelings or to prevent any problem from happening, as that is impossible. What you must learn is to change your response to bad circumstances. You cannot change what happened in the past, but you can change the way you deal with it in the present and future. Remember that your strength lies in the way you respond to circumstances.

5. Be grateful for the blessings you have

As cliche as this may sound, gratitude is always advised. The reason for always mentioning it is that it is effective in all circumstances, no matter how severe the problem is. After the death of a loved person, it is very difficult for life to continue as it was when they were present unless we remember that we still have our own life, health, passion for discovery, and amazing family and friends who love us.

These are just examples of the things my wife and I have been grateful for. It's a bitter truth sometimes, but you should accept that instead of imagining unrealistic things to console yourself.

So, do your best to recover and to feel optimistic. Don't allow anything to take your gratitude for what you have left. When you feel that everything in your world is collapsing, remember that you have two options, either you allow what is happening to frustrate you and take your resolution, or it makes you a stronger person through gratitude.

Bonus tip: Remember that what you're going through is just an experience

No matter what you are going through today, it is just an experience. It is something you are going through now and it will end whether it is good or bad. You may have a painful experience, but it is okay, as it will end. Also, feelings do not last forever. It seems better to admit that it is necessary to experience feelings of anger, deep sadness, setbacks, and failures. These feelings are all part of life, and we cannot prevent all of them from happening.

Therefore, do your best to live these challenges with everything in them, with a lot of love. Seek peace while you live this experience. Once you find peace, follow the next tips:

• Decide to be grateful for the feeling, the experience, and the pain.
• Love the person who hurts you or who acts wrong.
• Love the whole universe, and give it love and gratitude.
• Do something simple to improve your bad situation.
• Help someone to improve their situation, even with a simple thing.

These are just examples. There are many more to enumerate, but in general they all begin with your feeling of peace and reconciliation with your experience.

In conclusion

In my current experience, with this minor failure, I started doing my best to accept the fact that I am a human being and I should not aim to be perfect. I also aimed to help others. So, I committed to exercising for an hour every day for 90 days, not because I have a superpower or because I'm very disciplined, but with the aim of learning something from this experience that will enable me to help someone else.

Therefore, you are not the only one who suffers from failure. We are here with you, and we will all overcome these difficulties and become stronger. In the end, the most difficult times are what make us strong.