5 Common Beliefs That Can Completely Ruin Your Life

Beliefs' deceptive aspect is our absolute conviction that ours are correct. In reality, we all learn at some point in our lives that everything we believe based on our perception is incorrect, at least partially. 

Note: This article is taken from the writer Mark Manson, who tells us about 5 common beliefs that can completely ruin our lives.

However, we never gave it much thought. After all, we wouldn't have held our beliefs in the first place if we didn't think they were true.

However, our beliefs are not infallible. The truth is that we frequently make psychological mistakes, that our emotions control us, that we experience self-contradiction, and that we occasionally fail to complete our tasks. Therefore, the next question is, “How do I identify my false beliefs?” regardless of whether you say, “I believe my beliefs are true, and that's why I hold them,” or, “Some of my beliefs may be untrue.”

All you need to know is how to investigate your mistaken beliefs before they destroy you.

We must first address a few mistaken beliefs that we tend to hold onto. This article helps you start questioning the basic assumptions and beliefs we hold, which are devoid of any logical justification. After that, you'll be able to consider your beliefs critically.

5 Beliefs That Can Completely Ruin Your Life

1. I Know Exactly What I'm Doing

Superficially, this seems like a well-established belief. It entails that if you believe you know what you’re doing, you’ll have more confidence in doing it. You'll do better if you're confident in what you're doing.

However, this is just another form of traditional self-help, which advises you to believe in yourself. Although this seems like a good idea superficially, it doesn't benefit you. Consider all the fools you have met who seemed convinced they knew what they were doing.

Studies have indicated that individuals with overly strong convictions about their actions tend to rationalize numerous behaviors, even when they are incorrect. You'll be less open to constructive feedback and more likely to ignore good ideas and options.

Stated differently, the distinction between "knowing what you're doing" and arrogance is subtle. Accepting that you might not know what you’re doing is the antidote to this. An old proverb states, “The difference between an expert and an amateur is that the expert is aware of what they don’t know.” Ironically, an expert’s ability to know what they don’t know allows them to learn more in the first place. Additionally, studies reveal that adaptability to change is a much better indicator of competence in almost all areas of life. Accepting that you might be mistaken is a prerequisite for adjusting to change.

Although it might seem simple to get rid of this belief, most of us find it difficult.

2. It's Not Fair

You may remember when you were a child and wanted to do something, but your parents refused. You would say to them, “It's not fair,” to which they would reply, “Life is not fair.”

I also experienced that, and I was very upset then. However, as I got older, I realized my parents were somewhat right. Life is not fair. You truly cannot fathom the entire range of circumstances in which life bestows good things upon some people and bad things upon others.

However, let's consider it from another perspective: What if life's unfairness is not the issue? What if the issue lies in our definition of “fair”?

Certainly, every thinking human believes that people are equal. No one's life is more significant or valuable than another's. However, a common misconception among many of us is that everyone should have the same joys and sufferings in this life, which is just not rational. How do we know the extent of someone's pain? Do they suffer more than we do or less? Furthermore, how do we know whether something horrible today isn’t life’s greatest blessing ten years from now? Or will what we love today completely ruin our lives after a year?

Let the court handle the "fairness" argument. This whole concept of "fairness" in our daily lives—such as "unfair" life because the economy collapsed completely when I began my career or "unfair" life because my brother got into the university of his dreams and I didn't—probably creates more issues than it fixes.

There are things in life we can control and others we cannot. Therefore, focus your time and energy on what you can control and let go of other things.

3. More Is Better

I've written extensively about our mistaken beliefs about preferring to earn more and buy more and how this worn-out culture slowly destroys us.

I think most people will eventually realize that materialism and excessive consumption are ultimately pointless pursuits that yield no tangible results. Yet, we all still fall into the “more is better” trap in one way or another.

This may be because even when we reject one type of consumerism, we always replace it with another. For example, many millennials have rejected their parents' goal of owning a large house with a large garden and two big cars in a large garage in a suburban neighborhood. Instead, many of these people have simply replaced material consumption with experiential consumption, desiring more travel, sightseeing, experiences, fun, friends, options, and so on.

Whether we’re chasing material wealth or a wealth of experiences, we always do it for the same reason —filling the void we feel within.

As Seneca once stated, “It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.” Having more options makes us more miserable rather than happier, and pursuing more experiences makes us scattered and lost instead of focused and committed.

Do not get me wrong—new experiences, places, and people are all fantastic and teach us much about life. The point is that our desire for more things eventually becomes detrimental to us. Therefore, I claim that we must always do the opposite to find meaning and purpose. We should focus on simplicity and eliminate what is unnecessary to break the addictive cycle of more consumption and more experiences. Also, we should identify the people and activities that are essential to us and commit to them passionately.

4. If I Achieve X, I Will Be Happy

Undoubtedly, goals are great. Ultimately, everyone should have some goals in life. Your life might not have any purpose if you don't have anything to aim for. However, there are unintended consequences associated with goals as well. One such risk is becoming overly attached to them.

Though they are meant to be a means to an end, goals can occasionally turn into ends in and of themselves when we dedicate ourselves to reaching them. For example, let's say you decided to lose 15 kilograms because you thought it would make you happier. But eventually, you got so emotionally attached to this goal that you began to base your self-worth on reaching it. There are two risks associated with this situation:

• Either your goals won't be met or you'll become unhappy as a result.
• Or you may achieve your goal, but it may not bring the profound change you expected, leaving you feeling miserable.

We often experience the first scenario because failing to achieve our goals can make us feel more hopeless and desperate. Sometimes, we let our goals drive us to do things we later regret, or we become obsessed with them and sacrifice other important aspects of our lives.

Similarly, even when we achieve our goals, if we've invested too much time and effort, we can feel empty afterwards. After a brief period of euphoria and a sense of "I did it!" confusion sets in regarding what to do next.

There's a famous saying in Silicon Valley: "Strong opinions, held loosely." I'd adapt that to say: "Bold goals, held loosely." Setting goals isn't always about achieving them. It's about providing guidance. Goals give you a vision to work toward and methods to improve yourself. The exact quantity of that improvement is less important.

5. Anything That Doesn't Help Me Is Irrelevant

I've noticed that people get into self-improvement to solve real issues in life. They feel like they're making progress, accomplishing something, and spending a lot of time organizing their schedules, improving daily habits, seeking income opportunities, boosting productivity, and following communication guidelines. It's as if they're searching for anything that gives them a competitive edge.

Actually, this kind of self-obsession might maximize your productivity, but it harms your emotional life. The risks of becoming an obsessive self-help addict are many, including:

1. You become so selfish and self-obsessed that it is extremely difficult to empathize with anyone who is not directly involved with your goals or pursuits.
2. You come to a point where nothing brings you joy, not even your accomplishments.
3. You begin to feel trapped by your own goals, as if doing anything outside of them is a failure and a waste of time.
4. You become the fun killer for your friends and family.

Sometimes, you might think that to improve something, you should dedicate your life to it. However, you lose out on a lot of the inherent pleasure, intimacy, or trust that comes with it. As a result, you should know that life's most significant moments do not fit into a schedule or to-do list and that sometimes there is value in doing something that provides no value. Sometimes, you should just do things to pass the time, enjoy yourself, or simply because you feel like it.

It’s important to develop an interest and capacity for self-improvement. However, it's also important to develop an interest and capacity for non-improvement at certain times. Ironically, the most useful things you can do occasionally are not actually useful, such as relaxing and enjoying a good book or video game or having a good laugh with friends.

Learn to Update Your Beliefs

Our beliefs enable us to act based on partial knowledge and help us in making sense of the chaotic world we live in. Without beliefs, our reactions to life's challenges would be robotic and we would only react momentarily to whatever life throws at us.

If your emotional life is particularly bad, what are your relationship beliefs? How have these beliefs led you to a poor emotional life? For example, is it really surprising that you end up with selfish people if you think that people only want attention and to have their desires fulfilled?

If you're overspending, unable to save money, and always late paying bills, what are your beliefs about money that might be influencing your financial management?

You should constantly question your life beliefs. Monitoring them and thinking critically about them is a crucial skill that we must develop and master.

Ultimately, every life belief will inevitably be flawed because it's impossible to be completely right. There's always room for improvement, correction, and updating our ideas. Therefore, it’s not so much about adopting the correct beliefs as it is about developing the ability to update our beliefs over time.

Beliefs offer a mental guide for navigating the world. So, it may be time to update your guide if you constantly find yourself dealing with the same issues in your life.