3 Steps to Help You Become More Assertive

If you are like most of us when you have to make a decision, then you will feel very anxious and study the consequences of that decision, and you will forget about it for some time and become confused. Then you rethink that issue to make your decision about it quickly at the last minute.

Note: This article is taken from the writer "Darius Foroux", and he talks to us about the most important steps to be decisive and more capable of making decisions and the importance of that.

We have all experienced indecision at some point. I remember my first day in high school as if it was yesterday when the professor jokingly told us that our lives are the result of the choices we make, and his words did not resonate widely with me or any of my classmates. We didn't understand him at that time at all.

I also remember us laughing at him for saying that, for we thought it was nonsense because he often repeats it every time, and we called him (the man of choices). He was reminding us that everything in life is nothing but our decision-making in every lesson.

Now, years later, I still remember what my master used to say, and that is probably because he repeated it a lot, and I'm glad he did. We all know as adults that our lives are the results of our decisions, which means that we can modify and improve our lives by making conscious and careful decisions, and that may be hard although it is a fact. We often overburden our decisions and become indecisive as a result.

It will never be easy to make decisions.

3 Things that make you more decisive and able to make decisions 

1. Avoid thinking about consequences

Investors often say that good decisions can lead to bad outcomes, and bad decisions can lead to good outcomes. The Most Important Thing by author and investor Howard Marks is one of my favorite books about investment. His investment strategy is primarily based on the fact that humans are emotional beings.

If we think about it, if we all make rational, logical, and unemotional decisions, our economy will always be excellent. And if the people who caused the "subprime mortgage crisis" between 2007/2008 took rational decisions, they would not have reached that point. So, the first thing a good decision-maker will recognize is that human beings are emotional and sensitive, and it is not in their nature to make logical and rational decisions.

One of the best examples of this is what I call consequence thinking, which in my experience is the biggest mistake we make in thinking. Most of us become obsessed with results and worry about them too much, and most theorists of decisions encourage thinking about consequences, but as Howard Marks says: “You cannot judge the correctness of a decision on its outcome.” The outcome of your decisions is not related to the way you process things and your dealings with them. This is because we do not control the outcome of the decisions we make, but we can control our actions. So, to become an assertive person, you have to stop focusing on the results of your decisions.

I will give an example of that. A friend of mine bought a house some time ago to make some changes to it and invest it, thinking that he would make a huge amount of money from it in the current market conditions. His real estate broker told him that it is a guaranteed and clear matter and does not require any thinking or intelligence.

My friend has set himself a goal of earning that sum, and that is very great. But in fact, he cannot control 99% of the factors or circumstances that play a role in achieving that goal, and he actually makes decisions in his life based on things that are not guaranteed as a result of that. Also, he lives his life in advance assuming that he has that amount of money, but he knows in his heart that what is happening is wrong.

When we last spoke, he mentioned that his uncertainty had led him to indecision and confusion in other areas of life. When I told him about thinking about the results, he realized that he was so engrossed in it and so preoccupied with thinking about the results of his investment, that he became very anxious and unnecessary.

So, now he is no longer focused on results, but on the things that he can control. As a result, he has become more resolute and let go of his anxiety as he does all he can to bring about appropriate changes in that house.

2. Keep things simple and limit your options

There is a group of related behavioral science theories that one must take into account when making decisions, including:

2.1. Analytical paralysis

It occurs when excessive thinking leads to not getting any work done or taking any action.

2.2. Decision boredom

The quality of your decisions deteriorates after you've made most of them in a short time.

2.3. Information dumping

It occurs when you have a lot of information that confuses you and harms the quality of the decisions you make.

2.4. Excessive choice

It is related to the difficulty of making a decision when faced with many options.

I have created a simple rule to follow when making any decision based on prior cognitive processes. It says to simplify everything and limit my choices. The more you think, the more you complicate things and create more options for yourself, and the less you understand the situation in general, which leads to the deterioration of your decisions. When you simplify things, you make it easier for yourself to be assertive. Life is complicated enough already, so there is no need to make it more difficult.

I know that all these theories and sciences are really dry and tedious, but decision-making is one of the best science topics because it is just like an experience in real life as well. We do not have the answers to all the questions in our minds, but I know one thing, and that is error is never possible when things are simplified and facilitated.

3. Detachment from the situation you are facing

A big part of making decisions is what happens after making them. We may have doubts about whether we made the right decision, about what would have happened if we had chosen something else, and what we should do next.

The fear of regret over a decision we made leads us to confusion or hesitation, which is also called Jupiter’s remorse from a scientific point of view. It is defined as a feeling of remorse that a person experiences after purchasing something, and this feeling is often associated with buying something valuable, such as a car or real estate, for example.

Scientists believe that buyer's regret results from the cognitive dissonance that occurs when we must make a very important decision that requires a great deal of commitment. It may sound contradictory, but the more time and energy you spend thinking about a decision, the more likely you are to feel regret regardless of that decision because you will simply cling to it with high hopes for it. But the buyer's remorse isn't just about purchases. The decision to pursue a career or obtain a college degree is exactly the same.

I remember when I was in my senior year of high school, and all my friends were thinking about what they wanted to do after graduation. It was something they had been obsessing over for months, and I didn't know anything about buyer's remorse and behavioral science at the time. However, I decided to study for an associate degree in marketing in a few days.

My ability at that time to make that decision, and my firmness, resulted in a great deal from my impatience and lack of interest in learning, but I made up my mind very quickly and went on with my life. I thought about it and convinced myself that it was only a university degree. Alos, because I love commerce, I would try myself and see. That strategy has worked so well for me that I have always made my decisions that way. Although I have become more patient, tolerant, and calculating things, detachment from situations is still one of my advantages that I enjoy.

We often push ourselves a lot to make the right decision, and we fall into the trap of thinking about the consequences of our decisions. The right decision for most people is the one that leads to a positive outcome, but as we have shown before, the results have nothing to do with making the right and good decisions.

So, you need to enjoy the feeling of detachment from the situation you're facing if you want to avoid buyer's remorse and regret following decisions. And don't worry when some things don't go well, as you can always adapt to your new situation and make the necessary changes to improve it. Your life will not end when the results of your decisions do not meet or live up to your expectations.

This is the case for most decisions. However, it is possible that your life and your career will end when the way you make decisions and the procedures that you follow in this way are bad. The proverb that says It takes a lifetime to build a reputation, while it takes one second to destroy it only happens when our decision-making process is wrong.

The importance of firmness in making decisions

In my life, I have met people who admitted that they had ruined their lives because of confusion and hesitation, as we face feelings of confusion in our relationships with others, our businesses, the professions in which we work, and so forth. Indecision is not considered a positive personality trait, and most people generally associate it with a lack of self-confidence. So, if you have a little hesitation or confusion inside you, I encourage you to address that head on.

In conclusion

Make a decision to become a firm person. Also, before you tell yourself that it is not that easy, remember everything we talked about in this article. The problem is that you complicate things more than they should, and then complete your life after that. It can only be that simple if you want to make it that way.