Toxic Positivity: Beware of Falling into This Trap

Life is not always rosy. As we experience difficult situations and moments, we are exposed to feelings of sadness, anxiety, fear, and frustration. We hear daily tips and instructions about positivity and its importance and necessity in our lives. Sure, it's great to be an optimistic positive person looking at the full half of the glass, but did you know that there is a "toxic positive" affecting you and those around you?

The term must have aroused your curiosity and astonishment, and perhaps you were not convinced by it. Like you, I denounced it when I heard it, so come with us in the next lines to find out together how positivity can be toxic. What are the effects on our mental health? And how can it be avoided?

What is Toxic Positivity?

1. Toxic positivity: It is a case of denial, suppression, and total rejection of negative emotions as if they do not exist, and pretending to be positive and happy.
2. (VeryWellMind) defines it as: "Maintaining a positive mindset and rejecting negative emotions, regardless of the severity or difficulty of the situation you are experiencing."
3. Jayme Zuckerman, a clinical psychiatrist in Pennsylvania USA, defines it as: "Toxic positivity is the assumption - whether by people themselves or by others -that despite emotional pain or a difficult situation, a positive mindset is what just ought to be there."
4. Toxic positivity is the "only positive feelings approach" or (positive vibes only), whatever the situation or circumstance a person is going through.

Signs of Toxic Positivity:

The most notable signs that your positivity has turned into toxic positivity:

1. Positivity remains good until it makes you deny or underestimate the innate human feelings of sadness, anxiety, fear, and others, feel shame and remorse about them, and underestimate the situation and its severity, no matter what. Then your positivity turns into a toxic positivity.
2. Hide the real feelings you feel at one moment, and wear a fake mask in front of others.
3. Your sense of shame for negative feelings such as sadness or anger.
4. Pretending that things are okay when they are not.
5. Using exaggerated positive motivational words out of place.
6. Underestimating the circumstances and feelings of others and mocking them.
7. Trying to escape and ignore problems instead of solving them.

Examples and Phrases of Toxic Positivity:

When you are going through a difficult circumstance, such as losing your job or losing your wealth, someone comes and says to you at the heart of the event: “Look at the bright side, don't forget that you have people who don't find anything to eat or people who live homelessly.” This makes you suppress what you feel and fake a smile, and feel ashamed that you expressed what is inside you. Here, this person has broadcast toxic positivity to you because you need someone to sympathize with you and endorse what you feel, not to belittle what you have been exposed to.

Or when you are in such a compelling circumstance as "losing dear or separating from a partner," someone comes to tell you "Happiness is a decision," denouncing all your feelings and justifiable and natural sadness, and holding you responsible for your negative feelings that you have not chosen to be "happy."

This is a set of phrases that others may tell you with the intention of improving your psychology and raising your positivity, but they often have the opposite effect on you because it makes you suppress your feelings and have to pretend positive:

• "Things could have been much worse."
• "Everything happens for a reason."
• "Happiness is a choice."
• “Failure is not allowed.”
• "Look on the bright side."
• "Everything will be fine."
• "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
• "Just stay positive."
• "Don't be negative."
• “There are people who are worse than you.”

How Does Toxic Positivity Harm Your Mental Health?

Toxic positivity harms your mental and physical health by:

1. Psychological stressors:

Your attempts to stay positive all the time, suppressing and ignoring your negative feelings and not emptying them result in psychological pressure, depression, hysterical tantrums, and explosion in the simplest situations. This is because ignoring negative feelings does not mean that they do not exist or will not leave an impact on you, as psychiatrist Gianni DeSalva says in the Health Journal: “False positivity leads to unnecessary suffering and a misunderstanding of life.”

In one study in which disturbing medical procedures films were presented to two groups of people, one group was asked to express its feelings during the viewing, while the second group was asked not to express and suppress its feelings. The result was that the second group was mentally worse than the first group that expressed its feelings.

2. Feeling guilty:

Toxic positivity makes you feel guilty about the negative feelings you feel when a harsh circumstance or situation occurs to you and blames yourself for it.

3. Social isolation:

Others need psychological support and a sense that you feel their suffering. Your denunciation of their feelings and suffering when they are exposed to severe problems and conditions, and dealing with them as simple matters that are not worthy makes them alienate you and feel difficult to communicate with you. You also deprive yourself of the support you need from them in difficult times.

4. Wrong decisions:

Toxic positivity influences your outlook or assessment of situations you are experiencing, which sometimes need to make a decisive decision. However, too much positivity makes you take it easy and lose the ability to assess potential risks and threats, thus not making the right decision.

5. Reduce cognition:

Tough experiences and difficult situations increase our experience and awareness of life, but toxic positivity deprives you of the opportunity to confront those feelings that broaden your awareness and insight.

6. Dulling thinking and feelings:

Ignoring and inhibiting negative emotions and simulating a positive state all the time leads to dulled thinking and feelings in one direction. This is exactly what we see in the movie (Inside Out). Whenever the heroine wanted to grieve, she brought joyful memories to avoid this negative feeling, so she did not be sad, angry, or afraid, but rather she stayed in a constant state of happiness and positivity. The result was that she became a pale girl as if she were a statue.

7. Inner struggle:

Negative positivity brings you into an inner struggle with yourself because you are stubborn and try to suppress your feelings and pretend to be happy, but you are not like that. This is what Mark Manson, author of the book "The Art of Not Giving," points out that any attempt to escape and avoid negativity is counterproductive. Avoiding suffering is a form of suffering.

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity?

Here are the top tips to help you avoid toxic positivity:

1. Acknowledge your negative feelings:

You have to acknowledge and accept your feelings no matter how negative they are  because their denial and disregard make them return to the surface again and more painfully. Suppression can cause you physical health problems, such as high blood pressure, sudden heart clots, backaches, muscles, and other diseases.

So, acknowledging negative feelings frees you from them, so there is no harm in feeling sad, angry, or frustrated. "It's ok to feel lonely, it's ok to be unwell, and it's ok to feel anxious," says Paul Wong, a psychologist and professor emeritus at Trent University in Ontario, Canada.

2. Sympathize:

Empathizing with others and understanding their feelings, pain, and sorrow are ways to protect them from toxic positivity, so avoid giving them exaggerated stimulus speeches and listing suggestions and theories in their worst circumstances, as if you were the wisest and most experienced. It is preferable to put yourself in their shoes and feel that you are in solidarity with them and throw them simple sentences, such as "I know how hard it is for you," "It's not easy to go through," "I am with you, and you will always find me by your side," "I listen to you and feel your feelings," and "Your feelings are true, they must not be ignored."

3. Choose the right time:

Positivity turns into a negative-positive when it's at an inappropriate time. For example, when you lose your job against your will, there's no harm in feeling a little sad or frustrated, and you don't force yourself to be optimistic and unimpressed when it happens, and then later you can start to build yourself up and stimulate it, and then the positive is real and non-toxic.

4. Be realistic:

Be realistic in evaluating the circumstances or situations you are experiencing. For example, in the situation of losing a person dear to you, you can only feel sad and cry, and it is not normal to be positive in a situation like this. Brett Ford, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, asserts: "People who accept negative feelings without judging them or trying to change them can deal with their stress more successfully."

5. Don't believe social media:

People often post exaggerated positive words on social media, showing only the positive and happy side of their personalities and lives. This can boost your toxic positivity and suppress any negative feelings you have to become like them.

6. Write your diaries:

One way to help unload negative feelings is to write them down and put them on paper, rather than stifling them and letting them eat you up from the inside.

In Conclusion, Be Honest with Yourself:

Do not have the slogan "Be positive all the time" because by doing so, you oppress and overload yourself, do not force yourself to suppress your feelings, be honest with yourself, live your feelings as they are, do not ignore them, live your grief, fear, and pain, but pay attention to not let them dominate you forever.

Life is an experience of success, failure, and stations of sadness and joy, and feelings are reactions that must be given a certain space to get out of us, not buried behind the mask of fake positivity, and no real happiness can be obtained from suppressing negative emotions, but by accepting, reconciling, and transcending them.

We conclude with Jenny Mayenba, a social worker and book owner (Forward in Heels): "Sunlight is the best disinfectant; This means that when we highlight frightening things, whether memories, emotions or worries about the future, we can examine them and take out part of the power that enables them to influence us."