The Concept of Self Love, Its Importance in Life, and the Difference Between It and Vanity

Self-love is an expansive concept. It creates an awareness of this love within ourselves, makes it float to the surface over time, and gradually makes it overflow and then spill onto those around it. Because people love themselves, this makes them think 24 hours a day how to serve people, and how to benefit them. As they have reached a stage of self-love that makes them pass the stage of satisfying their individual needs to look towards the way in which they can transform themselves into a collective project.

In this article, we will learn about the true concept of self-love, regardless of the misconceptions about it, what this broad concept entails, and what we can achieve by applying it in our lives. We will explain the difference between self-love and vanity. 

What does "self-love" mean according to the positive concept?

Self-love in the positive concept that we mean in this article contradicts what is common in the minds of the general public of arrogance or vanity. Rather, it is a way to eliminate this vanity and reduce it in preparation for its complete eradication from the depths of the soul. Self-love requires the satisfaction of its needs that do not interfere with harming the other, or even self harming, or violating the regulations and laws that regulate people’s lives. That is for building the basic building block for inner peace because unsatisfied needs remain like raging and squabbling bulls.

Certainly nobody can accomplish their work, love others, or behave in a proper manner with the presence of these bulls. What a person does in this case is to silence these bulls in a way that does not harm anyone. After that, calm and peace prevail in the atmosphere. Then they can devote themselves to their work and pour all their energies into it, or they can take care of those around them, look after them, and provide them with everything they need of matter or affection.

Does self-love include self-love with its positive aspects only?

A self-loving person is a person who loves all their components, and does not exclude anything from it. If they want to love the beautiful parts, they act like a mother who does not love one of her children because they do not listen to her words or do not act as she wants. This behavior of course is not done by mothers who love all their children in equal proportions, and so do we. We must love all the negative elements of ourselves before the positive ones, and accept them just as a mother does. Nobody is perfect, and we are all full of negative and positive elements.

How does self-love with all its components help us accept all kinds of people?

When we love ourselves with all its components - especially the negative ones - we accept the negatives of others.This is because they are present in us in one way or another. This helps us help them, not to reject them because they have a specific defect. The most that can destroy human relations is to deal with the principle of "either black or white", which means that we look at any person as bad or good. The truth is that these two colors do not exist in human relations. We humans are made of the hues of these colors.

So, when you see a person pouring out their anger on another person or on a specific characteristic in this person, know that the first person carries within themselves that characteristic that they curse or reject. This is the reason for their anger at this characteristic in one way or another. That is, they did not accept this trait, even though it is a part of themselves, and they cannot get rid of it. But when they love  themselves with all its components, love, and embrace this trait, they will accept - in one way or another - its presence with the rest of the people. And they will not get excited, angry, or feel provoked when it is embodied in the nature of people.

When should you love yourself?

The truth of self-love is to love yourself while it is at the bottom, while it is in the worst cases of failure and frustration. As for that self-love is limited to times of achievement and joy, it completely contradicts self-love. It is more like someone who loves you in times of joy, and abandons you in times of sadness. You will certainly hate this person or stop loving them. How could you accept this for yourself?

Life is not success after success, or victory after victory. Rather, it is a harmonious rhythm, once above and once below. Just as there is no continuous success, there is also no continuous failure. If we do not love ourselves in failures, we will not move to the state of success. 

What is vanity?

Vanity is a state of arrogance or self-conceit, which is not based on any achievements, abilities, or talents. Rather, it is a condition whose owner thinks that they are distinguished from the rest of mankind without a clear reason. Some experts in psychology and sociology believe that even if a person possesses all the ingredients for success and accomplishes achievements and certificates, this is not a reason or justification for vanity and arrogance. Vanity is one of the most hated traits in societies, especially Arab societies. 

A practical example of vanity and arrogance:

If you specialize by virtue of your work in fixing computer hardware malfunctions, and you deal with the same malfunctions every day, as a result of repetition, this skill in repairing may become a given for you. If an old lady comes to you with a device that she wants you to repair, and asks you some questions that you felt misplaced, do not answer her with notability, arrogance, or nervousness. It took you so long to learn this skill. So, do not expect people to learn it within minutes in order not to fall into the abyss of vanity and arrogance. 

What is the reason that we may fall into arrogance without knowing?

The casting of labels, titles, or classifications on the people around us makes our vision of them confined within this narrow vision, which we are convinced that it represents everything about them. We think that we know the essence of this human being, but in fact we saw only their shadow. This leads us to think that we know everything, even ourselves.

This, in turn, is what makes us isolated from critical social reality, and conceals from ourselves the development that criticism provides. Everything mentioned leads to vanity. This is because we no longer have the ability to see what is happening in front of us. More importantly, we are no longer able to understand or even see what is happening inside us. This is what makes us fall into vanity without knowing it. 

Could vanity be the result of weak narcissism?

There is a term in psychology called vulnerable narcissism, which is a state of excessive self-love, but only from the point of view of an outside observer. That is, it is not the result of a true conviction in the personthemselves, as in the narcissism that we all know. Rather, it is just an attempt to cover up a real weakness that exists within the self. The person is concerned not to show it to the public, by withdrawing as much as possible, avoiding engaging in social relations, as well as avoiding the expression of love or disclosure. This is due to the internal psychological fragility. 

What about someone who tells you that self-love is selfishness?

Whoever tells you the phrase: "Self-love is selfishness", they certainly have never touched any of the meanings of self-love, and have not entered into any experience that includes self-love even partially. Therefore, they cannot judge this concept. Otherwise, self-love is a concept based on expansion and generosity. It is that you start from loving yourself and generalize it to those around you, love birds, trees, plants and animals, respect their lives and feel gratitude towards this life.

Who loves oneself does not wait for someone to tell them, “Do this and do this”. They refuse to frame beautiful actions, within what are called social duties. Rather, they do it on their own out of love, generosity, and giving. 

What is the reason for the fierce attack that some people launch on the concept of "self-love"?

When you talk about the concept of self-love, you will find many voices that criticize you negatively, telling you: “Self-love is selfishness” and “self-love is arrogance, and therefore it is a sin” and many other sentences and phrases that demonize the concept of self-love. Did we ask ourselves what is the reason behind this fierce attack?

Whoever attacks the concept of self-love thinks - in most cases out of good intention - that the state of a person's love for themselves means their deviation from presenting their message in life, their reluctance to serve other people, their  contentment with serving themselves only, devotion to full-time satisfaction of their personal needs, and arrogance towards those who are below them and those who do not meet their demands.

This concept is wrong, as life has proven to us that the one who is missing something does not give it. How can a person who did not give themselves enough love and care give these things to other people? 

In conclusion:

We must seek to spread a culture of self-love before we must correct the misinterpretation of this wonderful concept. This is because through self-love, we can elevate the individual and society to a better place of security, peace, growth, and development.