Strategies to Overcome Self-Doubt

Low self-esteem can take over everyone. Feeling self-doubt is part of being human, and understanding your own psychology can help you overcome it.

In 1911, a young man named Harry with low self-esteem met a girl named Bessie and they became friends. He fell in love with her, but the problem was that Harry didn't know if Bessie felt the same way about him, and his doubt was making him suffer.

While away from home, he wrote her a seven-page letter, and here's a snippet of it: "Speaking of diamonds, will you wear a solitaire on your left hand, and do you want me to buy it for you? This is a somewhat personal or specific question, provided you take it with all its meaning. You know if I were an Italian or a poet, I'd start and use all the glamorous languages on two continents, but I'm an American farmer who knows nothing.

I have always had an idea in my head that one day I might come up with something, and I doubt it. But I don't even have the guts to think you'd think of me the same. I don't think so now, but I can't help but tell you what I think:

Bessie, will you at least continue to be friends? And I know I'm not good enough to be anymore, but you don't know how much I want to be more than a friend to you. Yet, if you don't accept me, I won't be too disappointed, because I expect it."

Harry was clearly not very good at writing. Over time, though, he must have built up a powerful tool for dealing with his self-doubt, because he eventually married Bessie. Also, become the thirty-third president of the United States. Harry S. Truman, the man who was ultimately responsible for ending World War II, how did he overcome his self-doubt?

This will illustrate the key quote from his time in office, and the observations of cognitive psychologists:

The basis of doubt: How can it lead to success or failure?

To understand how and why doubt holds you back in life, it is best to understand the basis of doubt first. In science, psychologists classify doubt into two separate categories: general doubt and self-doubt:

1. General doubt:

Uncertainty about external factors, you may have doubts about a politician's promise or that pizza will come on time. You may have uncertainty about what is happening around you.

2. Self-doubt:

Uncertainty within yourself, which is when you question your abilities and struggle with your decisions. Such as what kind of pizza you should choose.

In many ways, public scepticism can be good. This is because it forces you to re-examine your beliefs and think critically. If you are really hungry and doubt that the pizzeria will deliver your order on time. You may find a more reliable store, but self-doubt always gets in the way of what you want.

If you are really hungry, but cannot decide what kind of pizza will make you happier, you will have a hard time deciding until you, and all your friends, are hungry, and no one will be happy. So public doubt is good, but self-doubt is bad, and it's good to know, but where does self-doubt come from? and how do you face it when it hinders you throughout your life?

How do you create your own self-doubt feedback loop?

It turns out that self-doubt can result from several reasons, such as emotional trauma in childhood being a common explanation. They say childhood scars are the hardest to repair. This may be true, but what is interesting is the common characteristics of all people who suffer from self-doubt:

1. Looking for evidence that our abilities are not good enough:

Instead of looking for evidence that you have what you need to succeed at something, you look for the opposite; i.e. what is missing. You find it quickly and spend more time doubting your plans.

2. Adhering to Impossible Standards:

When you become a perfectionist in everything you do, it makes it easy to point out your failures when what you're trying to achieve doesn't live up to your standards.

3. Over-analyzing simple decisions:

Instead of making small decisions and moving forward, you hesitate and get confused by overthinking. 

4. Friendship with people who reinforce our self-doubt:

It is natural for us to acquire the characteristics of the people we spend time with. We spend time with people who make the beliefs we have about ourselves stronger. 

All of these things lead to an interesting psychological effect called confirmation bias. We look for evidence, give it a value that reinforces our belief that we are not good enough, and ignore evidence that would prove otherwise. Slowly but surely you create a negative feedback loop that gets stronger and stronger, and basically, your self-doubt becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Trick your brain to get over your self-doubt:

President Truman struggled with self-doubt throughout his life. Not only in his childhood, but even in his presidency. He wondered if he was making the right decisions, but this quote explains how he was able to make those decisions despite internal desperation: 

“All my life, when it comes time to make a decision, I make it and forget it.” One of Truman's tactics for overcoming his self-doubt was not to let the agony of making so many decisions build up. If an important decision had to be taken, he would focus on this decision alone, and not let the decisions of the past days weigh him down. This is a good strategy to adopt. You'll want to take advantage of it, too.

But psychologists and behavioral scientists have also identified some other things you can do that will actually trick your brain into destroying the self-doubt obstacle:

Certain things you can do to destroy the obstacle of self-doubt:

1. Doubt your doubts:

Take the same energy you expend in doubting your decisions and direct it toward the doubt itself. What I've learned is that doubt can actually destroy itself for at least a short time. Instead of asking the same question, "What if I'm not good enough?" Ask yourself: “What if I was?” Instead of saying, “What if I made the wrong decision?” Try saying, “What if I don't decide at all?” Force yourself to think about the consequences of inaction.

2. Rejecting self-doubt decisions when they come to you:

It sounds silly, but the influence of body language on your decisions is so well thought out and profound. The mere act of shaking your head while thinking a negative thought is enough to neutralise it. 

3. Give yourself time to make decisions:

Thanks to Parkinson's Law, we tend to waste as much time as we give ourselves on any given task, but the time limit with real consequences can be very effective in getting you to focus on the important things and making the decisions that matter to you.

You will always have self-doubts, but it becomes easier to overcome them:

President Truman dealt with self-doubt all his life, but what distinguished him from the traditional self-sceptic, and allowed him to rise to the most powerful role in the world, was that he struggled with his decisions only while they were made. Once you have made a decision, move on to the next; This prevents him from drowning in the sea of doubt and the accumulation of decisions. You can also do the same on your own if you follow the following tips:

1. Doubt your doubt.
2. Shake your head when faced with doubt.
3. Put time limits on your decisions. 

The road ahead looks bleak when you struggle with self-doubt, we've all experienced it; but if a young man who can't talk to his future wife manages to assume the most powerful position in the world. The door of hope is still open to you, too.