Sexual Desire in Adolescents

As our children reach adolescence, our obsessions about their sexual desire begin to be at their peak at this stage.

Then begins a long series of questions that parents ask themselves daily about how to take care of their children at this critical stage and direct them to the right path that ensures their safe merge into the adult world. The importance of this stage is no secret to anyone, not only in terms of sexuality, but in all other aspects of character development. Perhaps the main factor that makes it difficult is the awkwardness that affects parents and children when talking about sexual matters which makes this matter in many families a secret that they avoid discussing it. Therefore, this exposes children to many dangers without the knowledge of their parents.

Based on the sensitivity of the subject and its great importance, our article today sheds light on the sexual desire of adolescents and how to overcome this stage with minimal psychological, personal, and social losses.

Sexual desire in adolescents:

Before talking about the sexual desire of adolescents, let's get to know the physical and biological growth that emerges in this stage, which distinguishes the adolescent's body from the childish one. The physical changes that occur during adolescence are related to the activity of the pituitary gland. The front part of it secretes a hormone that stimulates the growth of tissues and glands of internal secretion (endocrine glands) such as the thyroid gland. The activity of these glands is responsible for the obvious morphological changes in the adolescent's body, such as the growth of sexual organs and the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics.

These biological changes, especially those related to sexuality, have received a great deal of interest from researchers and psychologists. Some researchers have even gone so far as to view the adolescent primarily as a sexual being. Despite the powerful dominance of the sexual aspect at this stage which may cause a state of instability for the adolescent, especially in the absence of any socially and religiously acceptable means to satisfy this desire, the crisis of adolescence cannot be limited to sexual desire only. Rather, it includes all aspects of the personality, as many factors, circumstances, and other changes also have a role in guiding the actions and behaviors of adolescents.

Even the sexual desire itself is also of a social nature, despite its biological nature.  Its dependencies and effects will vary depending on the society and geographical location in which the adolescent resides.

Although sexual desire preoccupies the minds of most parents, as we mentioned above, it has been clearly ignored and neglected by some of them, which is the reason for the multiplication of the resulting problems.

Here, the following question must come to our mind: How does a teenager think about their sexual desires? What are the things that excite them in this world they are just discovering, which is somewhat absent in childhood, at least in terms of desire? These questions also occupied the minds of scientists all over the world. Their studies and research, which included adolescents with different social, cultural, and economic conditions concluded that what concerns adolescents can be summarized in the following three points:

1. Thinking about their sexual desires:

Adolescents are generally dominated by sexual thinking. This is evident through the start of each gender’s interest in the opposite gender, and the dominance of conversations and hidden sexual innuendos over the conversations of adolescents, influenced of course by the prevailing sexual view in their society, and by the great curiosity generated by the new feelings that begin to overwhelm their bodies which did not exist previously.

2. Daydreaming:

Daydreaming is often centered around sexual themes and issues that a teenager's curiosity is most excited about discovering, getting to know, and imagining themselves involved in them.

3. In addition, fear is one of the things that preoccupy the adolescent’s mind:

Adolescents are afraid of this desire and its conflict with the religious and moral principles that they are raised on from their childhood. This causes them to live in a state of alienation from themselves. In fact, if this matter is not dealt with properly, it may lead some teens to self-hate and self-flagellate all the time because of their inability to suppress their desire, which leads to their inability to tolerate their actions.

Adolescents' sexual behavior:

As it becomes clear, sexual desire in adolescence is a wild and strong desire. This greatly affects the sexual behaviors and actions of adolescents, which can be summarized in the following points:

1. Masturbation: 

Masturbation is one of the behaviors that teenagers do, which is considered normal to some extent because it is a teenager's way of discovering their body and their desires, and it is a safe and alternative way to have sex. However, this natural habit may turn into an addiction which makes it a problem that must be solved.

2. Searching for sexual content:

Teens have a high tendency to search for sexual topics either on the Internet or through pornographic magazines that fall under their hands.

3. Attempting to discover the body of the other:

That may prompt the teenager to peek at the opposite gender while changing clothes, showering, watching sexual clips, and other behaviors that may be motivated by curiosity more than desire.

4. Adolescents at this stage begin to take care of their looks, elegance, and smell:

It aims to attract the attention of the opposite gender, as adolescents' biggest concerns are about their inability to attract the opposite gender.

It is worth noting that these behaviors cannot be generalized to all adolescents, as they differ according to the nature of the adolescent themselves, the circumstances of their upbringing, and even their gender.

Males tend to express their sexual desires more than females, who are subjected to social pressures during this period, and supervision by parents increases. In addition, adolescent girls’ talk about their sexual feelings in our societies is considered taboo, while it is considered normal for male adolescents.

In many families, we can observe how they joke about the sexual maturity of their male children, while it is considered as taboo if it concerns females.

The importance of sexual education:

Before talking about sexual education, we must be well aware that real care for our children at any stage begins with a true understanding of the nature of the stage they are going through in terms of their attitudes, behaviors, and capabilities that they have. This makes the ways to invest in these capabilities and direct them properly to benefit from them easier and more effective. This applies specifically to adolescence, and this understanding does not depend on parents, educators, and mentors. Rather, it must be extended to include the adolescent themselves because a proper understanding by the teenager of the stage they are going through and its nature will make it easier to bypass it. It could even be a door for the teenager themselves to participate in raising themselves within the so-called self-education.

Talking about sexual desire should not be embarrassing at home. The more openly dealing with this aspect, the easier and more automatic things will be, especially since we live today in the era of the Internet, which has made it much easier for the teenager to satisfy their curiosity and questions. However, will they be able to get the right answers there, or will they be involved in a crisis of cultural adaptation to their society in addition to their crisis as an adolescent?

Who among us has not, at least once, caught one of their sons browsing a sexual website secretly? This, of course, should not shock the parents, and they should completely avoid scolding the teenager, as they have questions to which they have not found an answer and their search is evidence of the existence of a gap between you and your children that must be bridged directly.

Confidentiality and secrecy on the part of parents regarding this natural aspect of their children's lives may be a reason for the aggravation of the problem and it's out of control as a result. We must bear in mind carefully that avoiding talking about sexual education is similar to avoiding talking about raising any other aspect of a teenager’s personality. It is very important to explain the sexual desire to adolescents first and foremost as a need like food, drink, sleep, and work. Just as the fulfillment of these needs is governed by a set of regulations and standards. Therefore, sexual desire has its own rules and controls that differ from one society to another.

Here, we must pay attention to this point when talking about sexual desire with our teenage children. What is rejected in our society may be acceptable in another society. As long as we live within a certain society, we must abide by its standards and rules. The fascination that adolescents may express with the freedom prevailing in Western societies will aggravate the problem, but here we face an important question. While many educational and psychological studies have confirmed that the lack of sexual gratification for adolescents is one of the most important causes of nervous disorders and personality incompatibility, then what is the way to achieve this gratification in the absence of suitable alternatives to the natural gratification method that occurs through sexual intercourse?

The truth is that there are no radical solutions and no clear answers that solve this problem, but there are many recommendations that help refine the method of discharging this energy through exercise, which plays a major role in ridding the teenager of the state of tension that accompanies them due to their pent-up sexual desire. They can also participate in many activities and competitions and work on developing their talents in a way that eliminates their free time and distracts them from indulging in sexual thoughts.

In the same context, we can offer many useful tips that can help both the family and the school to take a serious step towards serious sexual education:

1. Enrolling our children in mixed schools, especially in the early stages of education:

Each gender needs to get to know the other and to build relationships with them that are completely outside the sexual framework because this will be useful later in the older stages.

2. Sex education should not be neglected by parents and teachers:

Rather, it is necessary to try to highlight these aspects from an early age appropriately. For example, a six-year-old child cannot be answered in the same way as an adolescent.

3. It is recommendable to take advantage of biology early on:

To introduce the child to their body, the nature of their organs, and the functions of each organ, one of the easiest ways to avoid the embarrassment associated with talking about sexual desire is to talk about it in a scientific and documented way. Instead of evading the questions of your teenage children about sexual relationship, you can use illustrations or models and explain the relationship scientifically without going into details. However, we must focus on the fact that the information is sufficient and stay with the teenager until they stop asking questions, for fear of the curiosity they might have if you stop educating them about it.

4. Maintaining a safe space between you and your children:

You must do so so that their fears do not control them and prevent them from turning to you in case they make a mistake. You should always be a safe haven for your children, as you are the only safe, honest, and reliable source of information.

In conclusion:

The prevailing culture in societies today, unfortunately, is a purely sexual one from series, movies, and songs that are prevalent among teenagers, to fashion and clothes. This is what puts the parents in a critical situation. It is not easy for a teenager to resist all those temptations that are widespread and abundant. As we mentioned previously, the solution is not to exclude our teenage children from the world. On the contrary, it is to bring them into this world with our help and to make them armed with morals, values, and principles that do not belong to one aspect of life. Rather, it must be comprehensive, and most importantly, we must always be good examples and role models to follow.