Listening Skills: How to Become a Better Listener?

Listening is one of the most important skills that you can acquire, for many reasons. Not only does it improve your career life, but it also improves your friendships and your relationship with your significant other. It’s a very important factor in your communication skills that you have to improve over time, and we’re here to help you with that. During this article, we are going to give you a list of the best instructions on how to become a much better listener and what to avoid during this journey.

How to Become a Better Listener?

There are many things you can practice throughout your daily life to become a much better listener than you are now. We are going to list a few of these things and discuss them briefly for you to understand them better:

1. Listen More Than You Talk:

Don’t let your mind wander through a conversation. Rather, be fully present and focus on the now. Try to completely absorb what the other person is telling you and engage with them. Probably the most common thing when it comes to this situation, in particular, is that people always try to think about what to say next during a conversation which makes their listening much weaker. Thinking about what to say next all the time is not listening because it distracts you from half of what the speaker is trying to tell you.

2. Try to Repeat the Last Few Words the Speaker Said:

If you can’t remember anything else, try to remember this one, as it’s one of the easiest to do. It keeps you on track with the conversation, reassures the other person that you’re listening to them, and gives you both a small pause to gather your thoughts and carry out the rest of the conversation in a more healthy way.

3. Clear Your Mind of any Distraction:

Being present means clearing your mind of every possible distraction and only focusing on what’s being said in the conversation. Thinking about what happened today at work, or what you are going to do after you’re done with the person you’re talking to, or probably thinking about checking your inbox, can all make you less present in the conversation, which will make your addressee notice.

4. Use Nonverbal Cues:

These cues could be a nod, a hand gesture, or any other sort of body movement that reassures the speaker that you’re listening to them. But be careful; don’t fake them because the speaker would notice and it would be unnatural, like faking attention to someone. Only use these cues when they feel natural to you to avoid any sort of awkward moments between you and your addressees.

5. Keep Your Emotions Under Control:

When the speaker says something that triggers your emotions, you can simply try to slow down the pace of the conversation by repeating something the speaker said to try and understand it better before moving to the point that triggered you. You don’t want to argue an important point of the conversation away just because it made you feel unsettled.

6. Validate People’s Vulnerability:

Opening up is very hard for people, so if someone is opening up to you and telling you what they are going through, you have to validate their feelings and put them at ease. This shows that you’re fully present and actively listening to them, which will make them feel much better because they will feel heard. 

7. Know What You’re Talking About Before Talking: 

If you don’t completely understand what the speaker is talking about, don’t be afraid to ask questions so you can make sure that you are saying the right things and not give the impression that you weren’t really listening. In fact, asking questions is very encouraged in a conversation. It makes you more engaged, and it gives you a much better understanding of what you’re discussing with your speaker.

8. Silence isn’t Awkward Unless You Want it to Be: 

Often, we tend to fill the silent gaps with unnecessary conversations, which consequently prevent the main conversation from going anywhere deeper or more meaningful. Silence gives us time to gather our thoughts and gain some better insights into the main points of the discussion. When you fill the gap with pointless things to say, you distract yourself from the main points of discussion and lose your train of thought.

Things to Avoid to Become a Better Listener:

On your way to becoming the best listener out there, there is a list of things that you should completely avoid. We have gathered a small list of these things to save some of your time.

1. If You Can’t Listen, Don’t Start The Conversation:

Listening is much more of a job than you think, and we tend not to underestimate that. When someone wants to talk to you and you feel like you can’t really listen to them, don’t start the conversation in the first place. Most people accept the conversation immediately, then discover if they’re actually capable and willing to listen. This thought process should happen before, not during. Especially if someone is choosing to open up to you, then you have to choose the perfect timing to listen because there is nothing more hurtful than not actively listening to a vulnerable person.

2. Don’t Paraphrase Unless You Have to:

In several studies, direct repetition has been shown to be effective, despite the fact that it may seem unnatural at first. In addition to causing increased emotional friction, rephrasing what your interlocutor said can place a mental burden on both of you. This tool should only be used when you need to double-check your own understanding and say explicitly, "I'm going to paraphrase this."

3. Don’t Force Saying the Right Thing:

The one hard conversation too often seems to be the last. If we want the conversation to be meaningful to the other person, we do not think we have more than one shot at it. Something bad may happen if we fail to say the right thing at the right time in the right way. There's no truth to that. When you stress about saying everything perfectly, you will be unable to listen and you will lose focus. Participate honestly in the conversation by being present, listening, and listening well. The conversation doesn't have to revolve around you. Hearing and validating the other person is more beneficial to them than any advice you can offer. In addition, you can always talk more later.