Is it True That Our Deepest Desires Come from Within?

Hannah was a top student in high school, and she was planning to enter medical school to become a doctor, as she had dreamed of since childhood.

She watched medical series and admired the personality of the doctor who treats patients and relieves their pains. Before entering medical school, she wanted to go to a hospital near her home and spend the whole day in one of the departments to see what it’s like on the ground.

She knew the hospital would not be like those in movies and series, but she did not expect the difference to be so vast. She was surprised that most doctors live a somewhat miserable life. They show signs of fatigue, lack of sleep, and dark circles surrounding their eyes. It is true that they enjoy moments of achievement; however, they are few compared to the psychological pressure and stress that make up the vast majority of their lives.

Hannah came out of the hospital very frustrated, and then she wanted to try new things that she got excited about and desired. She tried several areas but still found herself confused; what does she want? She no longer knows the answer.

What is the difference between needs and desires?

When a person wants something, like buying a new car or house, they seek with all their energy, activity, and effort to collect the money. They indeed want this or that car, but they can, in one way or another, give up or postpone these desires because it is not about staying alive, relieving their pain, or maintaining their health.  That is the distinguishing factor between need and desire. The car falls more into the category of wants than needs, yet the latter is an urgent and reasonable want (as seen from the outside), such as the need for food and water.

Some people may have cognitive, intellectual, or mental desires, such as knowing the solution to a puzzling issue, solving a complex problem in mathematics, or the end of a movie or novel. Many seekers of this type of desire say that it is less affected by external factors or what friends and neighbors say, and therefore, it is more self-affiliated than other desires.

The thirteenth-century philosopher Thomas Aquinas argues that the desire to possess material things of all kinds, or the desire to have access to knowledge, understanding, or power, and the consequent behaviors or actions of these desires are commonly known as “the will.”

Do our desires really come from within?

The French social theorist René Girard says that we, as humans, believe that our desires stem from the depths of ourselves, or, to be more precise, "stem from the core of our unique personality," which does not resemble or correspond to the desires of others that we may view as wishes of a lower level or in a direction contrary to our desires. These thoughts are often caused by narcissism, which exists in all people in varying proportions and degrees.

But Girard pointed out that in most cases, the desire for the truth mostly comes from things we lack, and therefore, it cannot stem from the self but from the things it lacks, and this lack can only be realized when we compare ourselves with others around us.

Desire is not something that we can fully control, as we all believe, and it is not something that we can produce, generate, or make on our own or individually. It is partly, according to Gerrard's definition, a product of the interaction of many environmental, social, and cultural elements, in addition to the personal components that are also important; those subjective elements are not the whole issue.

Man is a great being, yet he has no idea what he wants

Gerrard describes man as a being who does not know what they want or the truth of their desires. In most cases, they resort to those around them to make their decisions or make their minds up on an issue. This could happen directly by asking or indirectly by looking at those around them or hearing others' news.

In fact, desires are formed simply at first, to the extent that they may be in the form of literal copies of the wishes of others. Some people may call it theft, and others call it inspiration. Without diving into the corners of terminology, let's ask ourselves some questions. Have we ever felt that we loved one color at the expense of another? Why did we ever feel like becoming doctors, engineers, or pilots when we were children and knew so little about life?

Perhaps we wanted the medical profession when our people were talking about doctors, praising their skill and humanity and saving people's lives, or what a family member would get for being a doctor, as they are welcomed and respected wherever they go.

The desire to imitate or simulate

René Girard talked about this issue, calling it the desire for imitation or simulation. It includes all that we are inspired by in the general culture or society in which we live. If we have a particular lifestyle or career in mind, it's possible that this is a trap meant to force us to expend money, time, or effort in order to achieve it.

A real-life example of social influence on human desires

To know whether our desires are genuine—stemming from the core of our personalities or needs—we must identify the models that affect us and dictate what we desire. The most important way is to identify the people who inspire us or color what we later see as desirable.

My friend Jack told me he had wanted to purchase a newer car than his own at one point in his life. He spoke about the purchase with complete and utter conviction, and he listed the objectives and reasons why purchasing this modern car makes sense. He has the money and wants one that is more adaptable in the rough mountainous areas that he and his family frequently visit during their summer vacations.

But he returned to the depths of his memory, to the first time he saw that modern car in a video on a social media platform. Its owner was testing its flexibility on the rugged mountainous roads, and this triggered a desire to own one and imagine himself on a trip with his family while driving smoothly.

Jack confirms that before that video, he had no intention of buying a car, and he did not know about the existence of this new model. He was deeply immersed in his work in architecture. After watching that video, his brain began to accumulate evidence that makes buying this modern car a good, helpful, and ultimately "desirable" thing.

Jack knew then that many of our desires are the creation of social influences and the way products are presented and marketed, which explains the insistence of all companies on selling their products in new, inspiring, and interesting ways. We continue as humans to buy products that are best promoted, despite our awareness that marketing methods are attractive thieves of our money. However, the desire to imitate or wish to own what others have is rooted in the human brain and is difficult for us to change.

How can the models that influence human desires be categorized?

Experts and researchers have divided the factors or models that affect human desires into nearby and remote models:

1. Nearby models

It includes the close human environment, such as family members, friends, neighbors, relatives, co-workers, and anyone we can interact with or communicate with concretely on the ground. They are often people close to us in terms of desires. Their desires intersect with ours, and you can somehow influence their desires. The influence of near models often results in some logical wishes or corresponds to our lifestyle and is not far from what is expected.

2. Remote Models

They include celebrities or movie stars, artists, actors, and media professionals we cannot communicate with on the ground. They often appear to us in an ideal way. So, they may affect us in one way or another. Remote models are factors with a one-way effect, which means you are influenced by them but cannot influence them. Remote models do not necessarily exist on the ground, as a person may be affected by one of the characters of the novel they read.

The desire to imitate and wasting energy

Because desire may, in some cases, be a love of imitation, we may see ourselves unconsciously attracted to what others want. This may lead to unnecessary competition between people, which negatively reflects on their energy due to stress that is usually not feasible in practice.

People unintentionally seek what others want because they wish to imitate them. Therefore, you may find that your children enter university with specific ideas and then graduate with different goals. The human brain is constantly attracting desires and others' aims rather than focusing on its responsibilities, tasks, and needs.

In conclusion

Desires are the product of social, cultural, genetic, and many other factors. If we were born in another country, our desires would be completely different. When we comprehend this idea, we become more conscious of and in charge of our desires. Without having to work for them, we force them to work for us.