4 Techniques to Become Less of an Introvert

The French philosopher Albert Camus says, “No one realizes that some people expend tremendous energy and make great efforts just to be normal people.”

Note: This article is by Evelyn Marinoff, who talks about the difficulties introverts face and how to overcome them.

Not long ago, I was tasked with heading a rather large project at work, which included arduous and exhausting dealings with several departments, endless meetings, and many brainstorming exercises. Still, the most critical thing that the project needed was a brilliant leader with charisma, attractiveness, and intelligent thought who could build a potent and good relationship with various groups and individuals.

This project will offer many of its employees, particularly social and extroverted ones, an immediate and direct chance to shine, which means appreciation, excellence, and future success in their lives and maybe potent progress towards the zenith of success in their careers.

Of course, this does not mean that introverted employees will not be up to the challenge posed by that project or that they cannot excel, distinguish, and demonstrate outstanding managerial talents and skills; introverts and social workers are equally suited to that job.

However, working in project management requires some intensive preparation. It simply requires more mental preparation and more time to rest and rejuvenate, thus paying attention to the time we spend quietly away from work.

But if we add to the above that the introvert is shy and suffers from social anxiety, things change to a slightly different perspective. We can often easily predict that the seemingly incompatible combination of introversion, shyness, anxiety, and typical leadership will be a recipe for real disaster.

It is a proven fact that not all introverts suffer from shyness or social phobia; although these two conditions may be closely related, they are actually separated.

However, research indicates that introverts are generally more likely to feel ashamed than social or extroverted people, and the factors controlling the relationship between introversion and shyness tend to show a mutual negative impact between them. That is, if a person is shy and introverted, their introversion heightens their shyness, which causes them to become more complex and immersed in their social aversion and causes them to develop a stronger desire to be alone.

In fact, this combination is inherently unacceptable in the professional scene because it often reveals the emotional story of those people talking about their dissatisfaction with themselves and their sense of unworthiness or merit. Therefore, I would like to warn all introverts who suffer from social phobia that we are in a dangerous and poor situation at the professional and social levels, which can be very difficult to correct and find solutions to. As introverts, we are condemned to failure, in all honesty.

In contrast to that stereotypical thinking, which we often get involved in, losing feelings of safety and having the courage to venture into new and strange areas, especially those that we have adapted to think that we will never be part of, is truly terrifying and frightening, but it can strengthen our sense of our achievements and make us more resilient and daring.

Here is what I found to be successful and helpful for me to help avoid and distance myself from anxiety and social confusion to benefit and gain from our strengths as introverts, rather than allowing them to hinder our professional and social progress.

4 Techniques to Become Less of an Introvert

1. Focus on the issue at hand first, not on people

I know that getting used to focusing only on tasks is incompatible with what we have learned to believe over and over again about the value of social communication, forming relationships, and the importance of paying close attention to people around us, but this may not always be the right way or approach to relieve social phobia.

Focusing on the task or the result can help shift our thoughts and distract us from worrying about the impression or impact we think we are making on others; on the other hand, we will appear more motivated, energetic, focused, and efficient.

In the long run, a good leader will need to master both skills, people, and tasks, but introverts often need more time to get used to new people and become more receptive to them, which most confirm, so proving meritocracy may be the best way they can go through this temporary state until they are comfortable enough to work and communicate with a group of people.

2. Do not pretend to be imperceptible or invisible, because the truth is the opposite

Shyness can often make us want to sit in a quiet corner of the room to stay away from the center of attention. We can only observe without participating in any of the events around us. Of course, such an approach or passive defensive style is rarely a winning career strategy.

If we are socially shy people, the most intelligent way is to gradually open up instead of playing the role of the invisible person at a pace or rhythm that we feel comfortable with, starting with making only a few comments at each meeting.

A phased or gradual strategy will help us improve and slowly eliminate our shyness as we become more accustomed to others and consolidate our knowledge of them. It will also allow us to benefit from our strengths as introverts. Having conversations and discussions in small groups is our strength and an opportunity to shine and hear from others.

Letting go of everything that escapes your hands by objecting and complaining about your lack of eloquence and social enthusiasm will be just a missed opportunity to claim a foothold in that project and participate in its success. That applies to quiet leaders and individuals who can rise above and triumph over the restrictions they perceive their character imposes on them.

3. Asking questions

I understood a basic observation through my years of experience in the world of institutions and companies, which is that asking questions in our minds does not make us seem less experienced, knowledgeable, slow to absorb ideas, or not smart enough. On the contrary, research indicates that asking questions is a very constructive project. It shows curiosity in humans and their desire to understand what is around them, learn more, become more helpful to others and serve and help them more.

However, excessive social sensitivity can frequently prevent us from conversing with others in depth and effectively and from looking into a problem and exploring it in great detail to find a better solution. Here, preparation and training become very beneficial.

If you are an introverted leader, you can write a blueprint of discussion points, prepare to face any question you may be asked, and practice practicing assertiveness and self-confidence when someone tries to take over the conversation or discussion you are having.

It is simpler to get past our anxieties and fears when we have a pre-defined, annotated text to refer to. Asking questions will gain a lot of attention by highlighting us properly. We will once again have the chance to develop our capacity for logical thought, think analytically, and make intelligent and discerning decisions based on our strengths as introverts.

4. Joy and enthusiasm

Even if we hesitate or refuse to admit it, all introverts possess some level of conceit and pride. When we speak in front of small groups, people tend to listen carefully and pay close attention to what we have to say.

No matter how terrifying and frightening the idea of openness may seem to us, it is possible to enjoy the show moments we experience as our quiet powers become clearer. It may also provide a significant opportunity to earn the respect and appreciation we deserve in this world dominated by openness and social life.

The secret is not to allow the hurricane of negative thinking and anxiety inside us to escalate to the point that limits our ability to believe the positive things that are happening around us, such as being afraid of being secretly ridiculed by others, of not being trusted in the eyes of others, or of not showing enough confidence in ourselves.

“One way to control those recalcitrant butterflies that introverts feel in their guts when anxious is to restructure or formulate that anxiety,” Harvard University professor Alison Wood Brooks tells us.

That means we should feel excited and cheerful rather than try to calm ourselves before stressful events happen in front of people. Adopting the idea of seizing opportunities as a mindset in which we live rather than living with a mentality of threat and anxiety can improve our performance during those events, which is also simple because it requires a clear and frank conversation with oneself, such as saying to oneself sentences such as “I am excited” or motivating oneself with similar encouraging messages.

So, trying to soothe yourself, which has been touted as a strategy to help us for years, may not be the best thing to do in the end when it comes to controlling our anxiety.

Even if things eventually do not turn out as we hoped, we should not be too hard on ourselves and feel terrible about ourselves. Instead, we better reflect on and apply Scarlett O'Hare's made-up proverb from Gone with the Wind: "In the end, tomorrow is a new day."

We will stay no matter what happens to the heroes in our wonderful life stories, and some recent discoveries in social psychology show that we can choose to modify our life stories and formulate more meaningful and essential messages.

We can choose how to incorporate challenges, failures, and negative experiences into our life story. We may write them as facts and events to learn from and gather experiences from or as signs of our inability to overcome anxiety and enjoy a successful career. It has been proven that some restructuring, motivation, and encouragement to write a spectacular life story produce splendid outcomes.

Ultimately, our life stories are not just stories we tell ourselves and believe in regarding our personalities. They rather represent our personalities and ourselves. Our assumptions and preconceptions about ourselves guide our behavior and actions in the end, and the character we choose to own depends on the lines we allow ourselves to write in our life stories.

If we are introverts and shy too, we are not doomed to failure on a professional and interpersonal level. Sometimes, it takes only a short while for us to feel at ease interacting with new people and getting used to fresh circumstances and tasks, but other times, we lack the required tools and strategies to advance and succeed in life.

But we must resist being constrained by the socially prescribed definitions of success. Even if we think that our innate personality traits are unchangeable and that we are powerless to alter them, we can still decide to become bolder and more courageous and demand that our voices and words be heard.

It may seem scary at first, and you may feel upset and uncomfortable for a while, but later, you will find they deserve both fatigue and suffering.

In conclusion

Erin Hanson's famous poem summarizes the above eloquently, in which she says, "There is freedom waiting for you in the breezes of the sky, and you ask, ‘What if I fall?’ Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”