4 Questions that Will Change Your Day

I spoke with a weary girl I met at a nearby charity last night after I assisted her in gathering some of her papers that had fallen to the ground.

Note: This article is by Marc Chernoff, who tells us about four questions that can change our entire day.

She said that she had nowhere else to go on vacation and that for the next several weeks, she would be volunteering at this and many other charitable activities. Whatever the specifics, she told me she was low in self-esteem, had no meaningful relationships, and felt her life had no purpose.

I tried to comfort her as much as I could during our 10-minute conversation, assuring her that her volunteer work is very important, Then, I gave her my business card before I left, hoping she would contact me. There is so much I want to share with her, and I know exactly what it feels like to be tired and exhausted, feeling down and depressed, and having no one to talk to. I have struggled desperately with anxiety and self-confidence issues many times in the past.

So, I am writing this short post for her and for all my tired and weary colleagues who are struggling today to find happiness. You are in pain; you might be experiencing heartbreak or be in a challenging situation. There are moments when you feel alone, exhausted, and even gloomy. How can you keep yourself motivated when you're feeling low? When there is little hope, how do you get better? When you're not confident in taking a risk, how do you connect with other people?

I know you want answers, and I'm so sorry that you're struggling and hurting deep inside, but please know that you're not alone. You may feel that way, but you're never alone, I'm with you because I'm thinking of you at this very moment and because I've been through what you've been through.

We share our exhaustion, confusion, broken thoughts, loneliness, and despair. So I am closely associated with you, and my heart overflows with sympathy. I am not the only one who understands what you are going through. Every living being on this earth has gone through something similar at some point.

We all struggle side by side in life, and we are bound by common misfortunes. We may feel lonely deep inside, but what unites us is stronger than what separates us.

The feeling of brokenness, loneliness, and isolation from society is certainly an illusion. It may seem real, but I assure you that it is not. Here are a number of questions that will change your day.

Questions that will change your day

I am not able to rid you of all your pain in the blink of an eye, but I am able to offer you some questions and observations that may change your perspective, and that helped me get through my difficult days. My wife, Angel, also asked these questions and observations later in training exercises of different types to help our clients in the course overcome different forms of pain.

Here are the questions:

1. What past expectations do you still hold?

Letting go of your expectations is always a good idea. You won't be let down if your expectations are a little flexible. The more expectations you can let go of today, the better.

It can be difficult to let go of some because you still hope your personal values will be respected, you don't expect a terminal illness, and you might expect the kindness of most people.

But what happens when one of your expectations is related to an immutable past event? And what happens when you unconsciously expect a result that has never materialized and it is too late for it to happen? You will feel helpless and hopeless.

It's time to accept it. Acceptance does not mean being able to forget the past; it means having the wisdom and strength to accept the present. You cannot use your experiences in the past to change the results in it, but you can use them to change the current results, and you now have a valuable opportunity to practice accepting things, letting go of your previous expectations, and investing this moment in a better and more positive way.

Knowing when to expect results and hope to achieve them, and when to let go of the past and change with the change of times, is the main challenge on which you must spend your limited resources wisely, such as frustration, failure, illness, loneliness, and loss, but it is not the experience that you strive for; when it catches you by surprise, you must learn from it and invest it in your interest.

2. If you choose to be positive, what makes you so?

Unless you're really depressed, sadness is just a feeling, and as with all feelings, you choose it. You make a choice—intentionally or not—to feel that way. If you want to be positive and smile now, you mean it; so do you if you want to pout.

A smile is an option, not a miracle, and it is what makes you feel better. As soon as you smile, your brain receives a message that you are happy, and then your body secretes various hormones that make you feel comfortable. This reaction has been studied by dozens of specialists in positive psychology and has been widely discussed in their field.

However, even if you choose to be positive and smile a lot, sometimes sadness is still a part of life. Although it is a response that we choose for ourselves, it is a natural response to a negative experience, and it is usually not a bad feeling in the short term. The answer is to maintain perspective and adjust your viewpoint as needed, provided you do not let it break you.

You may feel that you have nothing when life does not go in your favor, but that is not true, as our selfish desires often conflict with reality. So find a balance between planning and being present—between expectation and acceptance.

Work for what you want, but do not search for what is better in an urgent search. You must be willing to let go of the life you planned so that you can accept the life that is waiting for you in this moment. It may not include everything you want, but it is all you need right now.

A recent scientific study discussed in the book The Happiness Advantage showed that doctors who are in a good mood before making a diagnosis feel that their intellectual abilities are higher when compared to doctors who are in a neutral mood, which allows them to accurately diagnose in a faster manner by approximately 20%.

The same study moved to other professions and found that salespeople who think positively outperform their pessimistic peers by more than 50%. The study also found that students who are prepared to feel positive and cheerful before taking exams outperform their neutral peers.

Thus, it turns out that our minds are wired to function at their full capacity, not when they are in a bad state or even in a neutral state, but when they're in a good state.

3. What meaning do you give to the current challenges you face?

Even when you are positive, you still have challenges to face and they are inevitable, but how you feel about your life has nothing to do with its challenges or what happened—or didn't happen—to you.

The meaning you give to these challenges determines the quality of your life, and you may be completely unaware of how often your subconscious mind gives a negative meaning to every little inconvenience. So check yourself:

• When something disrupts your life (illness, injury, loss, etc.), do you tend to think it is the end or the beginning?
• If someone confronts you, do you think they are insulting you, giving you lectures, or trying to take care of you?
• Does falling into trouble mean that the Lord is punishing you or testing you? Or is it possible that this problem is not a problem but an opportunity?

When we change the meaning we give to the challenges we face, there is no limit to what life becomes. Reframing can literally alter the biochemistry of our bodies and the course of our lives within a very short period of time.

So, take a deep breath and remember: Meaning equals passion, and passion equals strength. Choose wisely, learn to reframe your challenges, find a positive, encouraging meaning in every event, and the best way forward will always be yours.

4. What do you not want others to know about you today?

This question is at the heart of your concerns. So let it remind you that problems, mistakes, and challenges are part of everyone's life, and don't feel ashamed or worry about others judging or rejecting you; it doesn't matter what they think of you.

Free yourself from their judgments. Most of what they see in you is their own opinion and what the world reflects on them. Some people may view you as smart, funny, and talented, while others may think that you are an ordinary person at best or even undesirable. You may appear beautiful to some, fat, or too skinny for others.

No matter what other people think of you, it's about their standards of beauty, intelligence, or awareness, and it has nothing to do with you at all.

However, many times we allow rejection to dictate every step we take because we actually do not think that we are better than an ignorant person who is proud of their opinions about us. Rejection does not mean that we are not competent. It just means that someone has, under certain circumstances, failed to get along with us.

The rejection is insignificant. So focus your attention on what really matters, which is your view of yourself. Always be faithful to your values and convictions, regardless of what others think, and never be ashamed of doing what you think is right.

To help you apply this positive habit, start by listing 5–10 important things related to building your character and living your life, for example:

• Honesty.
• Credibility.
• Self-respect.
• Self-control.
• Empathy.
• Progress.
• Positivity.

Having a short list like this as a checklist will give you an opportunity to recall your chosen traits and behaviors, rather than doing something unrelated to you just to please others. As simple as it may sound, most people never take the time to decide what is important to them in terms of their self-perception; they let others decide for them, especially in difficult times.

In conclusion

Regardless of all the details, the best solution to changing your day when you are in a bad mood is to focus only on the present and the current steps you need to take because, no matter what, a person can only fight the battles of one day efficiently. Your life only gets out of control when you combine the miserable battles of the past and the future.

Remember that today's experience is not what holds you back; rather, it is remorse and resentment for something that happened yesterday, or fear of what tomorrow may bring. Therefore, we must live each day at a time, live in the now, and just do our best.