3 Mistakes That Make Your Suffering Last Longer

You may find it challenging to fulfill your dreams. You already know that your future can be enjoyable, satisfying, and profitable and what needs to be done to achieve that. Therefore, why is it that when you begin to pursue your dreams, you encounter difficulties and end up failing and not knowing why?

I know this feeling. I understand how frustrating it can be to put in a lot of effort to accomplish a goal, only to be disappointed when you cannot move forward.

A few years ago, I saw some geese struggling to fly across the lake, flapping their wings wildly and kicking their legs. Their struggle made me think of myself.

We know that taking off is the hardest part, but if we can persevere and push through, we will eventually reach a point where we break free and soar high, just like the geese. The issue is that things don't work out that way. Starting with suffering means continuing in this manner, which is an unsustainable approach. Therefore, we end up falling back instead of soaring. Successful people don't struggle on their way to success because they don't make the same mistakes most of us do.

The Three Mistakes You Should Avoid:

Here are the three mistakes you should avoid:

1. Using Misery as a Motivator:

"Losing weight will put an end to my misery," "It's better not to miss the deadline," or "I won't be content until I get a raise." This is how most people push themselves out of bed in the morning and start their day.

Unfortunately, if thinking about your goals makes you feel bad, you'll gradually start avoiding thinking about them to alleviate the guilt you feel.

To get things done, you will eventually figure out how to stop this feeling through sources of distraction, social media platforms, denial, or by putting pressure on yourself at work. Everyone has their own favorite ways to avoid this struggle.

We have to persuade ourselves that success ought to be painless and use every setback and advantage as fuel for our own motivation. When you give up using misery and dissatisfaction as motivational factors, you'll be able to experience constant motivation and achievement.

2. Insisting on Finding a Direct Path to Success:

Successful people understand that their lives and careers are filled with unexpected twists and turns, and they accept that.  They don't oppose or fight against change because they know that the world is ever-changing. However, they also don't give up on their desired goals. They choose a goal or a big dream and carve their way toward it.

By doing this, they give up insisting on a direct path to success or consider it a failure when they have to deviate from the plan they set for themselves. Instead, they seize the opportunities that come their way and embrace the changes happening around them, moving forward toward success without unnecessary struggle.

3. Trying to Change Everything at Once:

The Greek philosopher Aristotle said, "Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."

Positive and productive habits are what we need to develop if we want to succeed without needless struggle. Long-term sufferers either try to ignore this or choose to ignore it, believing that they can acquire 20 new habits at once, make significant changes, and rely only on willpower, all while using misery as a primary motivator.

Unfortunately, life and habits don't work this way. Social psychologist Roy Baumeister's experiments have shown that willpower - the ability to control our natural reactions - is limited, much like physical strength.

Therefore, it is necessary to concentrate our limited willpower on changing a particular habitual behavior rather than depleting it by trying to make 20 different changes at once.

Individuals who are constantly struggling try to do everything at once, trying to fit in personal development alongside all of their other obligations and wondering why they aren't able to complete significant tasks.

Read also: Change Yourself, Be Changed (Change Yourself, Be Changed - Don’t Change Yourself, Don’t Be Changed)

In Conclusion:

Of course, these mistakes are interconnected. When you push yourself to the limit in misery, you tend to want to find quick solutions to all of your issues, which motivates you to fight and struggle. This leads you to plan and insist on taking the "direct path" you've set for yourself, ignoring the outside world and unanticipated opportunities and making your suffering last longer.

It becomes intolerable to constantly remind yourself of your misery when things don't change quickly enough and your efforts don't pay off. Then, self-deception, denial, and diversion start to take over. As a result, your productivity declines before you're ready to start the struggle again.

When I saw the geese again, it was evident that they were content and not struggling with their time. Expressing their joy, they swam across the water, concentrating on the instant they spread their wings and flew. Everything is a game. I wonder, do they already know the key to happiness all that time?