2 Tips for Dealing with Frustrated People
I recently gave a speech in San Antonio, and a few days later, two veteran professionals from the public contacted me to seek advice on a problem similar to what I talked about in my speech. The problem was that they both felt uncomfortable working under a new manager at their company, as they seemed to harbor a grudge against them. They asked me: "Your book says stay away from people who frustrate you, but how can I do that when my manager is the one who does not believe in me and constantly criticizes me?"
Note: This article is from writer and coach Ivan Joseph, who shares two tips for meditating with frustrated people.
I asked each of them some questions:
- How long have you been working in this field?
- Have you ever worked under anyone, whether in your current workplace or elsewhere?
- How did you get to the position you are in now?
I learned that both of them had worked in this field for many years and had been promoted during the past two years, and they had no complaints before. I continued by asking them about their work situation, and they both admitted they were suffering as their mood changed at work and even at home. They explained that they are confused when receiving a message from their bosses and are reluctant to open any messages or requests for meetings, respond to them, and stop volunteering to do additional tasks or participate in social activities.
Thinking about it, it was clear that both of them had fallen into the trap of relinquishing their authority, and after they were confident in themselves, they became suspicious. It is clear that something is not going well, and both begin to wonder, “Am I in the right field? Am I holding back? Is my privilege period over?”
My response to them was: Wait a minute, you chose this position, and no one else complained about you throughout your career; on the contrary, they promoted you.
We will always encounter people who disagree with us. Feedback can benefit our growth, and other perspectives motivate our innovation. It also happens that we face periods in our career when we are severely criticized by someone, when circumstances become too dangerous for us to continue to do so, especially when this person is our boss or team leader.
Constantly receiving negative feedback can lead us to believe these opinions that disparage us. According to sociologist Charles Cooley, who explained in his theory of "The Looking Glass Self," the response of others to us begins to form our beliefs about ourselves, and our beliefs, in turn, begin to form our thoughts and actions. After a while, we doubted our abilities and stopped participating in meetings. We withdraw from teamwork and begin to retreat. Unfortunately, we evolve closer to the false image that this individual tries to spread about us, that we play insignificant or active roles. Our self-confidence has been shaken, and if we allow this to continue, our reputation will be distorted, and we will become marginalized in our organizations.
If you find yourself backtracking at work because you believe your boss's criticisms and you think you may have inadvertently given up your authority, consider this:
What would you say if a football coach or university official walked into your office and criticized how you run your business or the comments you make in meetings? That shouldn't matter to you. What do I know about your specialized skills and years of experience in your field? Similarly, if a chef came to my training and asked me what strategies I was following, I wouldn't be upset.
Your new supervisor has credentials and experience, but this does not negate the importance of your training, organizational wisdom, essential relationships, and expertise. When you believe they outperform you and change your behavior at work accordingly, you allow their criticism to manipulate you and shake your self-confidence.
2 Tips for Dealing with Frustrated People
If you work for a supervisor who doesn't encourage or support you, demeans or ignores you instead, here are two tips:
1. Adapt, stay away from problems, and find your happiness outside of work
In your work, you may have significant benefits or a salary that no one in your environment or field offers, which pushes you to stay in that job, whatever the reason, admit it, and be honest with yourself about what you do and what your goals are, and then strive to succeed in another aspect of your life.
Keep this negative person's opinions away from your inner thoughts, and remind yourself that your boss's negativity is not about you; It is about them and keeping your smile, being social, attending early, presenting high-quality work as you used to, reviewing enlightened, and taking care of your health and relationships. It is possible to survive in your organization more than this supervisor and start flourishing in it again.
2. Find a better place
Spend some time updating your CV, following up on internal and external job opportunities, booking online career counseling appointments, enrolling in a boot camp or training course to enhance your skills, saving some money and reducing your spending in anticipation of moving elsewhere later, prepare and take your time to choose an interesting new opportunity, and don't let anger drive you to give up and escape the situation, leaving you helpless in the face of the problem.
In conclusion
If someone criticizes you and limits your abilities intentionally or unintentionally, shame them, and if you give up your authority to them, shame on you because you are critical and your contributions are valuable. So, strengthen your self-confidence by choosing to protect your interests or seek a more appropriate place.