Finance and Business Leadership and Management Leadership

11 Tips for Boosting Self-Compassion for Leaders in the Workplace

My teammate Burrell Poe and I led a 90-minute workshop on self-compassion with 20 leaders of a large organization, and before the training, we asked them to share their current challenges, and here are what we heard:

Note: This article is from the CEO Sarah Schairer about her experience discovering the importance of empathy at work.

  1. “I am concerned about the team’s burnout.”
  2. “I feel like there are a lot of problems that I can’t handle on my own.”
  3. “Working from home is very frustrating.”
  4. “Employees are tired and worried about what the future holds.”
  5. “The team does not feel harmonious.”
  6. “There is no glimmer of hope; is that all?” 

Does any of the above remind you of yourself? Work is already stressful for most of us, and the uncertainties caused by the global pandemic are making work and life even more difficult.

This is why it is more important than ever to create a culture of self-compassion in the workplace. Much research indicates that self-compassion supports mental wellness. By fostering an environment in which employees feel supported and heard, you can reduce burnout and encourage employee engagement.

What does not apply to self-compassion:

Asking your overwhelmed team members to take care of themselves has nothing to do with self-compassion. An important component of self-compassion is recognizing when you need support. To encourage your team members to practice self-compassion, you must not only lead by example,  but You must accept their weakness, and welcome it. Your teammates should be able to seek support without feeling shame or guilt.

Here are some instructions on how to do that:

First: Provide a supportive work environment

1. Ask questions:

Get to know your team members by asking questions, discover their joys, sorrows and emotions, investigate by asking what their true condition is at the moment, and show your sympathy when they are suffering.

Here's an example:

"Hey Betsy, let's make time for (virtual) lunch or coffee together. Our meeting will be very simple, let's get to know each other better than just co-workers."

When you meet, you can ask questions like:

  • "What is your favorite thing outside of work?"
  • “Would you tell me more about your children's personalities?”
  • “What would you like to learn?”
  • “Is there anything I don’t know about you that you wish I knew?”

2. Set the rules:

Establishing some basic guidelines can help your team work together smoothly and effectively.

Here are some examples:

  • We don't talk behind each other's backs on this team.
  • We value everyone's time whereas meetings start and end on time.
  • We listen without interruption

3. Blend in with the team:

Offer a helping hand when your team members feel tired from work pressure. Sometimes they may not ask for help, but you can probably feel when someone might need help.

An example of what to say:

“I have some extra time, and I would like to help you with one of your tasks. Please, tell me how I can help you?”

4. Remember your humanity:

Help team members learn about common humanity. This means that they are not alone and that others are also feeling stressed, anxious, disappointed, and frustrated.

An example of what to say:

“Team, you may be feeling the pressure and anxiety of many tasks at the moment. I hope you know you are not alone. Although I don’t always show it, I have a lot of fears in my mind too. Stress hits everyone and makes us normal human beings."

To promote shared humanity, try starting meetings with small talk. For example, you can say, “Write in the chat box how you feel on a scale of 1 to 10.” Most of them will often feel comfortable knowing they are not alone. 

Second: Encourage your teammates to set boundaries

1. Take a break:

Invite your teammates to set timers that remind them to stop using their phones. Take deep breaths, stand, stretch, and walk around every 30 minutes or every hour.

An example of what to say:

"I don't know about all of you, but my back and mind can't handle this long in front of the screens, so I'm going to try to get up from my seat and move every hour, so does anyone want to join me?"

2. Set priorities:

If you ask a stressed teammate to do something, encourage them to prioritize it.

An example of what to say:

"Shammond, I have another project for you. I know your workload is at its limit, so let's set a brief meeting to see what to make a priority, and what to put off."

3. Accept apologies:

Make sure your team members feel comfortable saying, "I can't add anything else to my schedule, please help me set my priorities so that the main tasks are done."

An example of what to say:

"Team, I know that sometimes I give you work more when your schedules are full, so feel free to let me know when work gets in the way of your life, and I'll do my best to help."

Of course, workloads and deadlines require sacrifices at times, yet an empathetic workplace doesn't often ask team members to give up their personal time for work.

Third: Convey your idea to others by actions:

1. Show your weakness:

Be a model of weakness by sharing your suffering and stating your mistakes. You don't have to tell your team about everything you're going through, but it's good for them to see that you experience the same feelings as them.

An example of what to say:

"I've been tasked with doing a big presentation for the board of directors tomorrow, and I'm nervous about it. Sometimes they ask me surprising questions, so wish me luck."

To learn more about weakness and leadership, we recommend reading Brené Brown's "Dare to Lead".

2. Take a vacation:

Take refreshing and healthy vacations when you feel overwhelmed, and encourage others to do so. If you don't take any vacation days, it will be hard for you to convince others to take a break, and besides, you'll almost certainly burnout.

If it seems like a great deal of work is going to pile up during your vacation, you and your team members may not want to take a break. It may not seem worth it, but you can avoid this problem if you and your team come up with a work rotation system.

3. Calm your inner critic:

When you make a mistake, don't blame yourself for it, but instead, learn from it and move on. Remember that you are human, so encourage yourself to do better things, and if you are very accomplished, you might think, “My inner critic has helped me get this far,so why should I stop now?”

Research indicates that you will not lose your advantage if you are self-compassionate; Rather, you will continue to flourish, and be resilient. You will get through the fluctuations of life more easily. Positive self-talk supports your efforts to be an empathetic leader, and it is much easier to offer your support and encouragement to others when you give yourself the same support.

4. Appreciate your values:

What matters to you the most? Respect your values and make decisions that align with them. If you show that to your team members, you permit them to do the same.

You may have to set limits for your time so that you are not constantly working, and if you care about communicating with family members and friends, you will have to maintain this quality time. Perhaps you need time for personal development and learning. If you value your physical health, are you making decisions at work that allow you to get enough rest and exercise.

At work, you may appreciate creativity and innovation, but your current project or role does not use the part of your brain that is responsible for creativity. What can you change to be more in line with your values?

If work is holding you back from what you value, you will have a hard time staying engaged. The same goes for your team members.

Conclusion:

By creating a supportive work environment, encouraging team members to set boundaries and “tying words to actions,” and demonstrating these self-compassionate actions to yourself, you set the stage for your team’s success.