10 Notes to Yourself that Will Keep You From Taking Things Personally

Why do we always take things so personally? There are several logical answers to this question to consider, but perhaps the most common answer is our tendency to put ourselves at the centre of things and to see everything, every event, conversation, and circumstance from the point of view of how it relates to us on a personal level. This thing can have all kinds of negative effects from feeling hurt when others disrespect you, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don't go as planned, to doubting ourselves when we're not perfect.

Of course, we're not the centre of everything. The universe doesn't work that way although it seems like it does to us sometimes. So, let's take a look at some everyday examples.

Suppose a person enters the room in a bad mood, and they grumble and talk to the people in a rude way. You immediately think to yourself "What is going on here? I don't deserve to be treated this way. They should treat me better," leaving you in a state of humiliation and anger. However, the truth is that the behaviour of this person has nothing to do with you. Perhaps they got angry about something outside and are venting their frustration now in front of you as a reaction to what happened to them, which means that they happened to be present in the wrong place and at the wrong time. We waste a lot of our mental energy putting ourselves at the centre of a situation and taking everything personally.

Now suppose for a moment that the person's actions do in fact appear to be directly related to us. You did something that unintentionally upset them and they are now being rude to you. A situation like this may sound personal, isn’t it? Is this person's rude reaction entirely related to you and the one thing you did that resulted in it? Probably not, as their reaction is mostly just an expression of that person's reactions, quick judgments, long-term anger issues, and expectations of the universe. Again, we are just a smaller part of a much larger story.

Likewise, when another person rejects us, ignores us, does not contact us despite their promise that they will, or when they do not show interest in us or show us no apparent respect, these reactions are less about us than about the other person's personal problems. We have to learn to respect them silently without taking what they say too seriously.

But again, we tend to react to the actions and words of others as if they are judgmental or an attack on us because we see everything through a lens that looks at how it relates to us personally, a lens that can't see the bigger picture clearly. So, the anger of others makes us angry, the disrespect of others makes us feel inept, and the misery of others makes us unhappy, and so on.

If you've been through any of this, it's time to start letting go of the meaningless negativity that surrounds you. When you feel negative thoughts coming your way, push them back a bit with a thought like "This remark, gesture, or something else isn't really about me. It's about you or the whole world."

Remember that all people have emotional issues that they deal with just like you, and this makes them rude, restless, and unable to think sometimes. However, you can learn not to interpret their behaviour as a personal attack on you, but to see them Instead as impersonal confrontations. Then you choose to either respond to it politely or not to respond at all.

But of course it doesn't happen naturally. Not taking things personally is an ongoing daily practice.

Notes to yourself in order not to take things personally:

We are all humanو and we still take things personally sometimes when we are caught up in the moment. So, we need to implement a simple strategy to monitor our reactions. In short, we have to remind ourselves not to take things personally by pausing and reading our “notes to yourself” below anytime you find yourself doing this. Then take a deep and refreshing breath later:

1. People rarely do what they do because of you, even when it seems personal. They do it because of themselves. So, even though you can't control everything other people do or say to you, you can make a decision not to let them bring you down.
2. The most miserable people are those who attach great importance to what other people think. Letting people have their say gives a wonderful feeling of freedom, and relieves you of a heavy burden when you don't take things personally.
3. Don't lower your standards, but remember not to set expectations for others because this is the best way to avoid being let down by them. You will end up disappointed if you expect that people will do for you what you do for them. Not everyone has your heart.
4. You cannot control how people receive your energy. Whatever they are trying to project or interpret on you, it indicates at least part of a difficulty or problem they are facing. So, keep doing what you're doing with as much energy and honesty as you can.
5. People are kinder when they are happier, which can tell us a lot about people who aren't that nice. It's sad, but it's true. The way we treat people we disagree with is evidence of the things we've learned about love, compassionو and kindness, so let's wish them well and move on.
6. You become the true master of your life when you learn to control your focus. Appreciate the value of the things that give your energy, go beyond the trivialities that try to attract youو and focus on the important things. Where your attention is, energy flows, and where energy flows, it grows.
7. Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your thoughts. What happens to you does not define who you are, but rather who you decide to be in that moment, so take a deep breath and start over.
8. If you don't like someone's behaviour, walk away from them, but don't hurt them, and don't be abusive because i is a sign of weakness. In fact, the real test appears when you do not receive from people what you expected. Will anger control your reaction? Or will calmness be the source of your greatest strength?
9. When someone annoys us, we often feel upset because that person did not act based on the perception that we have drawn in our imagination of the behaviour that they should do. Therefore, our frustration does not stem from their behaviour, but rather from the difference between their behaviour and our imagined perception of it. However, we must not collapse, as composure is our superpower.
10. You will not always be a priority for others, so you have to put yourself as a priority for you. Learn to respect and care for yourself, and have your own support system for your needs as important, so start fulfilling them and choose yourself instead of waiting for others to choose you.

How do you address abusers directly?

When someone insists on imposing their animosity and tragedy on you, continue to practise and read your "notes to yourself". Be an example of uplifting presence, and do your best to respect their pain and focus on empathising with them. Communicate and express yourself with your best intentions in a peaceful and wholesome manner.

However, dealing with abusers directly is sometimes necessary. There are many people who were in this very predicament and gradually got over it using smart and simple strategies at the same time, so let's take a look at some of these strategies briefly, hoping that you will find them valuable as well.

1. Positive control of negative conversations.

It's okay to change the subject, talk about something positive, or steer conversations away from self-pity and tragedies. So, be prepared to disagree with difficult people and deal with the consequences. Some people don't really realise how difficult their inclinations or reckless behaviour are. You could actually tell someone "I feel like you keep ignoring me until you need me."

You can also be honest with them if their overly negative behaviour is driving you away. "I'm trying to focus on the positive things, what good can we talk about?" It may or may not work, but surely your honesty will help you ensure that any kind of communication later on will be built on mutually beneficial grounds.

2. Set correct and logical boundaries in advance:

Practice being aware of your own feelings and needs, and being aware of the times and circumstances when you feel resentful about meeting someone else's needs. Gradually build boundaries by saying no to the requests that cause you resentment. It will be difficult at first, of course, because it may seem a bit selfish. If you have flown on a plane before, you will have prior knowledge that flight attendants ask passengers to wear their oxygen masks before they provide care for others, including their children, and the reason is that you can't help others if you can't help yourself. So, proactively creating and enforcing healthy and reasonable boundaries between yourself and difficult people will give you long-term satisfaction with yourself and those you care about. These boundaries will nurture and preserve the best of you that you can share with the people who matter most to you, not just the difficult people who try to keep you in check.

3. Set aside extra time for yourself:

Difficult people who get so wrapped up in their own problems and fail to focus on solutions are obviously difficult to deal with so that they can feel good about themselves, they always want others to join in their misery, and you may feel pressured to listen to their grievances just because you don't want to stop them or be seen as tough or rude. However, there is a fine line between listening tenderly and indulging in their emotional tragedy.

If you have to live or work with a difficult person, make sure you get enough time alone to relax, rest, and recover. Having to play the role of a rational adult in the face of that person's rough moods can be stressful, and their toxic behaviour can infect you if you are not being careful. Remember that even people with real problems and clinical illnesses can still understand that you have needs too which means you can politely apologise when you need to.

4. Respectfully telling difficult people you're not interested:

This is a last resort. If you've done your best to respectfully communicate with a difficult person, or have tried to distance yourself from them, but they keep coming after you and attacking you for whatever reason, it's time to talk to them and let them know that their words don't mean anything to you. In such situations, try to make this sentence your motto for life: "I respectfully don't care." Say that to anyone who makes general judgments about things you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are.

5. If their demeaning behaviour turns into physically harming you, this is a legal issue that needs to be addressed:

If you have survived an incident of physical abuse by a member of your family and tried to put things back together, or if you have spent years clinging to notions of trust and faith even after knowing in your heart that those beautiful, intangible things that love is built on and lasts will never return, especially if you stand as a buffer between the abuser and someone else, bearing the brunt of the abuse for the victim, then you are a hero. But now is the time to be your future hero. If a person practises abuse of some kind and assaults physically, then they are breaking the law and need to bear the consequences of their actions.