Unrealistic Expectations that Harm Relationships

One of the biggest challenges that we go through in our relationships is expectations. They are every relationship’s worst and oldest enemy, and they are really hard to go through and overcome because they’re always somewhere in the back of our minds buzzing like a headache.

And they stay that way until the inevitable happens-they sabotage the whole relationship. What are examples of these expectations? How can we ignore them? Can we even deal with them in a healthy way? Let’s find out about all of that in today’s blog.

First of All, Let’s Define Expectations in a Relationship:

In order to avoid being let down by your partner, some may suggest you don't expect anything from them. It is possible, however, to cultivate healthy relationships by having expectations. For a well-rounded partnership, you may want to aim for a "good enough" relationship where high expectations are balanced with reasonable expectations. To ensure all partners contribute to and benefit from the relationship, expectations may look like rules or guidelines. Every different partner in a relationship brings a wide range of different experiences, perspectives, and values to the table. As a result of your individual experiences prior to entering the relationship, you may prioritize some expectations more than your partner does.

Examples of Toxic Expectations that Will Ruin Your Relationship:

Unrealistic expectations are like a cage of limitations for each person in the relationship. They may result from relationships where attachment styles are anxious-avoidant or insecure instead of secure. If you're experiencing some of the expectations listed below in your relationship, try to understand how to make your expectations more realistic and secure.

1. You Should Be the Center of Your Partner’s Universe:

When you first start dating, both you and your partner will be giving your absolute best to impress each other and keep each other. You’re always hanging out. Every song on the radio is about the two of you, and you’re either texting or video calling each other, not to mention the fancy dates. But let’s be real, once that goal is achieved, part of that romance and attention dies because you start focusing on the real important things now that you’ve moved to the next level in your relationship. When you’re officially together, you start focusing on making money, getting the house and car, and putting some extra funds in the bank, let alone the kids that will come in the level after this one. So what we’re trying to say is that every phase in your relationship has its pros and cons, so go easy on your partner if they’re not paying you as much attention as they used to because things are more serious now than back when you first started dating. Now, it’s not all fun and games. You’re building a whole life together, and that requires a lot of time and energy. Be understanding, and don’t stand in your own way.

2. The Two of You are Always on the Same Page:

A relationship between people who have different life experiences is unlikely to always be characterized by agreement about responses and perspectives. When you perceive your partner is not supportive of you or is unable to understand your perspective, communicate with "I feel" statements and reflect back on each other's perspective to increase empathy and validation.

3. You Should Be Hanging Out with Each Other All the Time:

Spending all your partner's free time with you may be detrimental to your relationship. Relationship satisfaction and quality time may be increased by balancing time spent with each other with interests and friendships. You need to take into account your levels of trust and your values and commitment to the relationship in order to find the right balance for you both.

4. No Friends From the Other Sex:

Your partner could resent you if you expect them to end friendships with people of the other sex without a clear suspicion of infidelity. Be careful how you ask your partner to end friendships because if you do it the wrong way, you will create an environment that can promote negative emotions such as resentment. Explore your fears and determine if they can be resolved through trust, commitment, attunement, respect, and admiration.

5. Your Partner Should Be Able to Read Your Mind:

The expectation that your partner will always be aware of your thoughts and feelings is very unrealistic. For more productive conversations, you should share your emotions and your perceptions of the event. Whenever this expectation arises, consider whether a discussion about greater consideration for each other can help address an underlying need for attention and connection.

6. You Should Never Argue:

Fighting constantly isn't healthy, but engaging in productive arguments or discussions helps foster growth by allowing different perspectives to be expressed and concerns to be voiced. Conflict avoidance may cause couples to feel like they are walking on thin ice and create negative emotions toward their loved ones, which could threaten the affection and admiration between them in the future.

Ways to Keep It Healthy:

There are a few things you can do to keep yourself from having unrealistic expectations that will end up destroying your relationship. Let’s discuss some of them.

1. Learn More about Each Other’s Love Languages:

Talk with your partner about how you express your love and affection, especially if each of you has a different love language. Words may be preferred by one, while acts of service may be preferred by the other. To validate your love for your partner, make sure to express your affection to them in their love language rather than your own. This may be more impactful when expressing appreciation for who your partner s and how they contribute to the relationship.

2. Be Friends, Not Just Partners:

To combat feelings of loneliness or insignificance, cultivate friendship in your relationship by showing interest in each other and engaging in the activities both of you enjoy during the day. It is through friendship that you can confide in each other and enjoy more enjoyment together, as friendship builds safety and connection.

3. Show Some Respect:

The ability to respect each other's differences is demonstrated by avoiding criticism and listening to opposing customs, values, or beliefs and validating them as you go. The act of showing compassion for each other's differences can remind you that you are part of a team, help you see differences as strengths, and create an environment that allows for the expression of those differences.

4. Spend Quality Time Together:

Quality time can take the form of going on a date, doing chores together, or engaging in other activities that you enjoy. To promote connection and shared meaning, it is crucial to be present with each other during different experiences. In order to be more present, we may make eye contact and actively listen and respond to one another, all the way to the simple act of cuddling while watching a movie.