Kind Sentences that are Destructive to Children

Elizabeth Gunderson is a psychologist at Temple University who studied the effect of two different types of praise on 53 children. The children were divided into two groups. The sentences in the first group focused on the child’s effort, while the sentences in the second group focused on the child’s abilities.

Praise sentences that focused on the child’s effort included things such as: “You worked hard on this,” “You really continued to work hard on this,” and “Well done!”, while praise sentences that focused on the child’s ability included: “What a smart kid!”, “You’re so talented!”, and “You’re so good at this, aren’t you?”

During the follow-up of these children, the study revealed that the group that received praise for their efforts tended to be more determined on solving problems, while the children who received praise for their abilities quickly gave up.

What the teacher says and does in the classroom during their interaction with the learners reflects the teacher’s personal beliefs about themselves, the learners, and the entire process. So, what are beliefs? How do they shape the teacher’s world? And how can they contribute to the success or failure of learners?

Beliefs shape our world:

Beliefs are the rules we live by, and they are the best principles we have set for ourselves based on our personal experiences of how the world works. Hence, they are not facts, but a set of ideas that we keep repeating about what is possible and what is not possible for us, as well as what we can do and what we cannot do. The weird thing is that when our personal experiences prove the validity of our belief, we feel satisfied and confident in our thoughts and in ourselves, and our beliefs turn into self-fulfilling prophecies.

For example, most teachers believe that they have sufficient understanding of the information that they have been teaching for many years. Much of the information, however, is not understood by the learners, and despite the disappointing learning results which the teacher gets every time, most teachers never think of reconsidering the teaching methods they follow. Their beliefs about themselves and the learners shape their world in which they move.

Likewise, learners have limiting beliefs about themselves, teachers, school, and the world around them. A learner who has a belief that they are unable to succeed in mathematics, and that mathematics is not for them, especially those who experience grade retention due to failing to achieve a pass grade in a specific subject (such as mathematics, languages, or science), will likely not make any effort to test their belief. These people often lose another academic year that confirms the validity of their self-hindering belief.

Teacher expectations are an obstacle to learner success:

The teacher’s beliefs shape their expectations of learners, and determine their educational objectives often unconsciously, and they have a significant impact on motivating learners. These beliefs cause a kind of constructive motivation for learners if they are appropriate. On the other hand, if they are not adapted to their tendencies, expectations, and levels, they generate frustration and boredom. If the teacher sets goals that are small and close to the level of the learner's abilities, but with some challenge, the student’s motivation and involvement in the learning process will continue and produce steady progress.

Because goals that are very long-term, or goals that are less than the actual level of the learner cause the learner to get bored and frustrated, the effort made by the learner will decrease, and their performance will decline. Expectations that are disproportionate to the actual levels of the learners lead to setting unrealistic goals that require a long time to achieve. The learner then will know that their abilities can not help them to succeed in achieving these goals, so they give up and retreat.

At the same time, the teacher must always remember that not all learners are at the same level at the same time, so it is good for the teacher to work on tailoring the objectives according to each learner. If the teacher finds that the curriculum offers objectives or expectations that cannot be achieved, they must adapt these goals and tailor them to the needs of learners who face learning difficulties, and specify short-term and realistic goals for them that are compatible with their actual level. Curricula exist to help teachers organize the course of the subject, not to make the teacher an instrument of torture for learners.

Moreover, the teacher has a role in teaching learners strategies that help them learn the curriculum, so they can use the necessary tools to face the challenges and difficulties they face during the educational process. The teacher must also monitor their continued success through progress in achieving small goals to outperform themselves. Learners often surprise us by reaching levels that the teacher never imagined they could reach.

It is dangerous to set unrealistic long-term goals for learners because they lead the learner to lose confidence in everything, and to no longer believe in their future or in the good intentions of adults. The learners will no longer have anything to lose, so they will become rebellious and delinquent. Their failure does not represent them, but rather it represents the miserable educational system that led them to rebellion, and at that stage it’s too difficult to save them.

Positive expectations:

Both “Rosenthal” and “Jacobson” proved that positive expectations lead to positive results and negative expectations lead to negative results, and they called this the “Pygmalion effect” (or self-fulfilling prophecy). Hence, the beliefs of the teacher and the learner are a double-edged tool. It will build an internal and external environment suitable for the psychological and emotional growth of learners that will contribute to enhancing learning or will turn into a destructive environment for all. Experts emphasize some points regarding the issue of expectations:

1. Clearly tell all learners that you trust their ability to excel.
2. Tell all learners of your confidence in your effective teaching abilities.
3. Tell all learners that you trust the former learners’ successful applications of what they have learned in class to the real world.
4. Resist your urge to let go of some learners, keep high expectations for each one, and remember that you may have learners who have only heard the word failure in their lives, so don’t lose hope if you can’t affect their self-confidence. If enough people treat them according to positive expectations, we’ll increase their chances of success.
5. Read Thomas Connellan's book Bringing Out the Best in Others for suggestions on how to use positive expectations in creating a positive learning environment.

In conclusion:

In the study I mentioned in the beginning of the article, Gunderson linked her findings on children’s behavior to Carol Dweck’s theory of fixed and growth mindsets. Her study showed that praising the process with the aim of enhancing the child’s effort produces more hard work, while praising the ability discourages the child from trying harder, because the child believes that making more effort will not increase their ability. Hence, teachers must be more careful when promoting the behavior of the learners in the classroom because children often adopt adults’ opinions as facts about themselves, so using phrases that praise their effort in solving problems and achieving small successes that learners achieve, according to Gunderson’s study, will contribute to children’s continued learning and working to achieve successive successes. Thus, they achieve feelings of self-confidence, and acquire the personality traits that will make them successful in the future.

Being able to see things from the perspective of others is essential to influencing them. This is where compatibility arises between us and others. Being cheerful, expressing positive emotions, using a friendly tone, and supportive behaviors, such as nodding of approval is twice as good as using a negative tone. “Positive emotions make an individual more open to taking appropriate measures. They make us more aware of a wider range of ideas, and they make us more accepting and creative,” says Barbara Fredrickson, a senior researcher in positivity at the University of North Carolina.