How to Win Friends and Influence People: Dale Carnegie

Winning people over is never an easy task. It requires a lot of patience, maturity, and effort. As crucial as it is to be likeable and kind of popular throughout your life, it can be very stressful. Today’s discussion will be about an iconic life manual that was written by Dale Carnegie. Reading this book changed a lot of people’s social lives for the better, and hopefully, it will do the same for you. So without further ado, let’s start discussing the book to see what it’s all about and if it’s worth your time and money or not.

Going Through the Chapters:

To keep it a short read for you, we’re going to be covering the highlights of the book and mentioning our favorite pieces in each chapter. With that being said, let’s begin.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:

1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn, or Complain:

Criticism is pointless and dangerous. The act activates people's defensive mode, wounds their precious pride, damages their sense of importance, and makes them highly focused on justifying their actions. Those who are rewarded for positive behavior learn faster and retain knowledge more effectively than those who are punished for inappropriate, incorrect, or unproductive behavior. Often, criticism leads to resentment rather than lasting change. Anyone can express their opinions as a critic, condemner, or complainer. But it takes maturity and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation:

Giving someone what they want is the only way to get them to do anything. When you think about it, what do most of us want? to feel significant, important, and superior.

Something that puts our worries at bay and makes us more productive. As the author says, "I have yet to find a person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism." Therefore, by appreciating people, you can get them to do anything you want.

3. Arouse in The Other Person an Eager Desire:

What you want is at the center of your interests. Others are not. It's the same for all of us: we're interested in what we want. Talking about what other people want and showing them how to get it is the only way to influence them. However, do not manipulate someone by enticing them with something that is only beneficial to you and detrimental to them; both parties should benefit from this.

Ways to Make People Like You:

1. Be Genuinely Interested in Other People:

True friends are not made by trying to impress people and gaining their interest, because real friends are not made that way. To make real friends, you need to spend time and energy, be selfless and considerate, as well as give of yourself. Every human relationship requires sincere interest. Both the person showing attention and the person receiving it should reap the benefits.

2. Smile:

It’s for free, right?! Everyone who sees your smile is cheered by it and is reminded of your goodwill. Seeing a dozen people scowl, frown, or turn away from a smile is like seeing a string of sun rays getting lost among dense clouds. You must enjoy meeting people if you want them to enjoy meeting you. Put a smile on your face. Sing, whistle, or hum a tune if you're alone. Being happy will tend to make you happier if you act as if you are already happy.

3. Remember That A Person's Name Is the Sweetest and Most Significant Sound In Any Language:

A person's name holds more importance than all the other names on earth combined. Because people do not concentrate, repeat, or fix names indelibly in their minds, most people cannot remember names. Nevertheless, when you remember someone's name and use it without having to ask again, you can be certain that you have won them over and complimented them.

How to Prompt Others to Think Like You Do?

1. The Only Way to Get The Best of an Argument is to Avoid it:

In most arguments, both sides are convinced that they are right. Arguments are impossible to win. A loss is a loss, and a win is a loss as well because, by winning an argument, you make your opponent feel inferior. Despite your victory, they will feel hurt and resentful. Embrace disagreements, distrust first impressions, control your temper, listen first, look for areas of agreement, and you should be fine.

2. Show Respect for the Other Person’s Opinions and Never Say “You’re Wrong”:

As long as we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit our mistakes to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness when we make mistakes, but not when the other party belittles us. If someone tells you something that you know is wrong, maybe try saying, “I might be wrong about this. Let’s take a look at the facts and examine them.”

3. If You’re Wrong, Admit It Quickly and Empathetically:

It is much better to beat the other person into saying that what we said or did was wrong because self-criticism is easier than listening to someone criticize us. Furthermore, it is very nice to have the courage to expose your faults and admit them.

Be a Leader:

1. Begin With a Praise and Honest Appreciation:

Whenever you’re arguing with someone, it’s much easier to hear the pleasant points before the unpleasant ones. That makes the conversation a bit lighter.

2. Indirectly, Call Attention to People’s Mistakes:

Like when you want to tell your friend or your significant other about something they do that bothers you, you always compliment them and give them praise followed by the word “but” and then make your statement or your criticism. This makes it much easier for your friend or your partner to absorb that idea.

3. Talk about Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing The Other Person:

Hearing a critique of your faults is far less frustrating if the critic admits humbly that they are also far from perfect. It is possible to persuade someone to change his behavior by admitting one's own mistakes, even if you haven't corrected them.

4. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders:

You can make any order more palatable by asking questions, and you can also stimulate the creative abilities of the people you are asking. If a person has been involved in the decision that led to the order, they are more likely to accept it.

Finally:

Your perspective is the only thing that decides what you want your life to be like. It always changes it to whatever you want, so maybe change it for the better.